Okay, so on with the drama in my life...I would like to talk with either moms or dads who are raising/have raised teenagers. Our children are really testing our faith in them, their trust in them and everything else. I don't know what is the right way to handle some of the things that are going on, but I would like some advice if other parents have had to deal with things like their kids smoking, and not just cigarettes, having sex, and other things we find out daily, surely to god we are not the only parents going through this bs...HELP!!!!

I'm sorry, sweetheart, but this is bottom line: either they obey, or they're out. Seriously.

It works. I don't care what anyone says. By obeying, I mean communicating, being honest, and following your rules. Until they're 18, they're your responsiblity. Crack that whip, and make sure your husband is doing his part, too.

Dogs bark, cats meow, teenagers smoke and have sex... This is just the way life is. "Could it possibly get any worse" sounds like quite the overreaction to me, lol.

UGH. I don't even wanna begin to think of this shit.



And I can't give you any advice, unless I know the actual situation.

God damn i am sure glad that some of the people replying to this thread don't have kids

INSATIABLE said:

I'll clarify by adding that if your issue is that they're breaking any predetermined rules that you and your husband have set (and they're not being punished for it), the ball is in your court.

I agree with David/Retina that if you're just worried that they're smoking/drinking/romping, well, yeah. I guess having open, honest relationships with them is your best bet. Let them know your concerns and maintain a level of respect so they feel comfortable (and not rebellious) around you.

mdiver said:

Are you referring to me, Phil?

INSATIABLE said:

It won't be popular but I totally agree with this.

I have 3 kids, two teenagers and a 12 year old girl whom I want to choke the life out of on most days. I just went through hell with my daughter. She stayed out late most nights and scared the living daylights out of everyone in my family. I went to the police who could do nothing. The idea is that they want you to make your kids behave so they don't have to get involved. How I was supposed to do this when she wasn't coming straight home from school is beyond me. No fucking support from my either, by the way.

I got to the point that I felt she should leave if she couldn't obey me.

mdiver said:

Sorry but I agree with them Phil.

retina said:

ya know., we realize all this is a part of growing up and a part of life and we tried so desperately to be open and honest with our children and let them know the possible consequences of their actions, however the children I am referring to are only 15 and 17 yrs old...I know other parents go through this, but how do I go about making them understand just how serious some of the repercussions of their actions can be? One daughter is an honor student and I sure don't want her to blow her shot at what could be a great future where she doesn't have to live check to check and have a "hard" life, and the issue of getting pregnant at 15, good grief, not to mention all the STDS that are out there and the ones that can kill...I am just beside myself with all this...

Lothan said:

Except Retina. That was just jacked up.

Lothan said:

To both

Sorry you are dealing with this I have 2 teenage sons and I haven't had any problems like this YET , but I know it's coming

I have raised ( still am ) 4 teens

I cant tell you what to do

I can tell you what I would be asking myself

Could I be doing more for them - in the time frame that they are out smoking cigs-pot and having sex - could I be doig somethig to help them use their time in a better fashion

would they like to try dance - or sports or 100rd other things besides what they are choosing to do

do they need more structure - more chores
do I give them to much freedom
do I give them too much material things and not expect respect in return

there are so many fine lines with raising children

All you can do is the best you can. The reality is theses kids have a mind of their own. I refuse to let my kids stress me out.

Unfortunately sometimes you have to provide tough love. I'm blessed that my daughter would rather tell me what she has done vs me finding out. She asks for my advice about things like sex and boys but I didn't start having close conversations with her. I started when she was 5 and 6 years old.


If you're the parent, then be the parent. The worse thing you can do is be concerned if your child "likes" you. So what.....if they are doing those things.....set the rules and stick to your guns.

My brother is an extreme case of drug use...so I'm sure you don't have this problem.

But he is a heroin addict and he stole from my dad until the day he died. My dad died in pain PAIN PAIN because my brother stole his oxycontin.

Only a monster could do this, and its hard to forgive, but this is what drugs do.

My brother was a good kid when we were younger. I know one thing that made it all continue to snow ball though.

My mom enabled the behavior and STILL DOES to this day.

I don't know this answer. If it was MY SON could I kick him out. I don't know that I could.

But I know I wish my mom would of.

Its just hard to know.

hisfan4ever said:

I know first hand how hard it is. I am a single parent and I also have a disabled child. I kept going over the same issues with my daughter over and over. She knows how hard our life was before I got a better job, she also knows that my life wasn't easy as a teen parent. I've told her about hanging out after dark, telling her about the neighborhood and crime and pedophiles and nothing worked. I can and will only take so much responsibility for her. She knows right from wrong and what she ultimately wants her life to be is up to her.

Lothan said:

Ivy/Phil,

It's an opinion. He, like us, should be allowed to state it without receiving negativity like this. After all, I know nothing about parenting firsthand. I'm 25 and am not too fond of kids.

hisfan4ever said:

How old are they ?
What grade are they in ?

TotalANXiousNESS said:

God, I'm so sorry.

Rhondab said:

Their father and I have always said they could come to us no matter what, and that it would be better to come clean and tell the truth and be honest insted of lying. So far it's worked. They feel comfortable confiding in BOTH of us. Sometimes a little too much with me . I am just glad they can talk to me about EVERYTHING.even stuff that makes me blush lol.

INSATIABLE said:

Oh, I'm not giving him negativity. I thought it was funny so I laughed.

The thought of my daughter having sex or doing drugs mortifies me. At least, I don't have that to worry about right now.

INSATIABLE said:

Mach said:

ya know we have debated on which way to go with all this, we "thought" by telling the children that we knew EVENTUALLY there would come a time in their lives when they would "experiment" with certain things, and which things we felt were worse than other, so on and so forth..and we knew if we were too strict they would just rebel and do whatever they wanted anyways...those of us with teenagers know that if they have their minds set on things, short of hog tying them to their beds, nothing can prevent everything. I just so thought they would've waited until they were a little older to try some things. I have taken some privileges away, but yet in my mind it still doesn't seem enough ( not for me) and maybe that's because I am so upset about it all. The pot smoking I found out started at school..can you believe that...what on Earth are they thinking?...their not...that's obvious...and I am in no way saying I was an angel when I was a younger person, but I knew if I did anything like what they are doing my mom would have tore my tail off my body...

Yeah. Everyone is entitled to an opinion...but to say kids will be kids is kinda wreckless.

With STDS, ODing, STDS, Guns, the violence that goes with drug use, STDS... Ya just can't say things like that, cuz its not the olden days anymore.

Ivy.

hisfan4ever said:

It is quite a tough thing - parenting teens

I have learned so much about myself and my parents as well through the process

it is - as most of life all aboutthe fine lines and grey areas

Orgnote me anytime

TotalANXiousNESS said:

the good old days was way before you were born but you are right.....the freeloving 60's and 70's are long gone

hisfan4ever said:

Yeah, but all you can do is try to convince them to be careful and use protection. If you try to completely ban them from going out or from having sex, or something drastic like that, then chances are that they will do it even more just out of spite. That's how backwards teenagers can be sometimes, lol. Once you've alienated them by painting a picture that's too black and white, it's hard to win them back.