If you have an ex who has been leading a double life for most of the years you've been? This second life included boulimia, gambling and betraying you with sex-partners on parkings, which he met on the internet. All this bullshit came out all of a sudden, and the year before we had been living apart for four months because he had been cheating on me. After four months I decided to give him another chance, but the shit just continued behind my back. It ended abruptly after breaking into his mailbox, and took away the horror of seeing someone I loved cutting himself with knives and threatening me, even slightly physically.

When you broke up you were most of all concerned about your own emotional stability, and didn't think too much about the money the ex owns you, or the stuff refrains from giving back.

Then, after six months, things are getting better, but the ex still owns you the money. Instead of just doing that, he decided to lay off all guilt and starts acting like he's the one who has been cheated on.

He entered the restaurant I was eating at yesterday with a new girl. I calmly advised him to leave the building, as I wanted to be able to eat.

Next thing I see (after he has left), is that he had sent me a text-message ten minutes earlier to ask me about the job-interview I did. He knew about that, because I went to the apartment last week to finally pick up some stuff after my father had called him, as the only thing he could do to me was yell and shout and make all kinds of accusations that were meant to be for himself, if this world would be full of justice.

You get the point? I really don't know what to do. In order to get my money and stuff, I should act calmly, but I just can't do that. To be reasonable with him is just too hard.

I have a met a new boy last month. He lives in Holland. He's so sweet and understanding, and the time we spend together is great. But whenever I get back to Belgium, things are getting stressed very soon, as the ex lives round the corner and goes to the same places as me.

I want to get through with this. I don't have the money to get a lawyer and next to that, the sum of money is so small that it would be stupid to do that. But I want justice, and I don't want to beg him. Never.

That sucks Marie . I'd ask him for the money he owes you, that's not begging. Apart from that of course it's not good for your emotional stability that you meet him as he is frequenting the same places you do . Sadly I don't know what advice I can give you, so let me just give you a hug .

It's always easy for outsiders to say ...


this is what I would do though

I would cut my losses- detach and not have anything futher to do with a person like that

I would look to the future and my new man and never look back



as I said easy for outsiders to say ...

Mach said:

I would feed him to the lions.

MarieLouise said:

ML

I'd move on ML, your new love makes up for anything you lost with this guy (be it money, time and or material stuff). If he owes you a lot of money though, I'd very calmly ask it back, cuz you know as a person you're so much larger than him. His foundation is lies, yours is thruth and that's your strength.

Take care !

Mach said:

I hear what you're saying. The sad thing is that the money he owed me (not much, but still 400 euros) is the only money that I still owe someone else, my father. When we started renting the apartment three years ago, I was still a student and couldn't pay the credit (is that the right word, the money you place on an bank-account?)

So it's rather something symbolical, as my father doesn't need the money, or doesn't ask for it. He just wants me and the ex to calm down, which is the same thing the rest of my friends and family (including my new boyfriend) is advising me.

Sad to say but... cut him out of your life. He's bringing nothing but pain to your life.

MarieLouise said:

ML, for 400 euro's turn your back and leave the asshole behind. Really, your dad will be proud of you !

do you have pictures of the dude ... there's some photoshop artists here that would gladly use it on some compromising pictures that u can hang around your favorite pubs toilets and stuff

Sweeny79 said:

Yup.

CarrieMpls said:

I don't like your new avatar

One4All4Ever said:

no?

The old one will come back. I just like this one for a day or two.

One4All4Ever said:

I hear what you're saying. The sad thing is that the money he owed me (not much, but still 400 euros) is the only money that I still owe someone else, my father. When we started renting the apartment three years ago, I was still a student and couldn't pay the credit (is that the right word, the money you place on an bank-account?)

So it's rather something symbolical, as my father doesn't need the money, or doesn't ask for it. He just wants me and the ex to calm down, which is the same thing the rest of my friends and family (including my new boyfriend) is advising me.[/quote]

ML, for 400 euro's turn your back and leave the asshole behind. Really, your dad will be proud of you !

do you have pictures of the dude ... there's some photoshop artists here that would gladly use it on some compromising pictures that u can hang around your favorite pubs toilets and stuff [/quote]

With pleasure.

Here's another favour you could do to me: hang this pic around in Antwerp too, as this has become his favourite place to pick up some of his new women. The main problem with this asshole is that he's undeniable charming and that he has an intoxicating melancholy in his eyes, the kind you want to understand and cure against all odds. I'm not the first one he has done this shit too, but I'm the first one who has discovered it.



{Snip Sweeny79}

P.S. He's what you find in the dictionary when you look up the word 'photo whore'.

Sweeny79 said:

That's kind of difficult when we live in the same city.

For sure, this I the only person who brings out racist feelings in me. The only immigrant I really want to get back to his own country.

MarieLouise said:

Sweetheart YOU are the most important thing here. Let me remind you that what he did was despicable and wounded you deeply. You need to ask yourself if the money he owes you is worth the pain it will cause to get it. Is there another way, maybe a legal route to get this done whereby you wont have to personally deal with him.
You are in a better place now, happy and moving on, you dont deserve this kind of crap. You are finding your way and balanced so DON'T let him upset that because that way he still has a grip which is exactly what he wants.

Alternatively how about i come over and go get your stuff for you and whil i am at it lay some beat down on his ass

MarieLouise said:

where's the photoshop people !!!! this guy is going down

mdiver said:

Excellent ideas on this thread ! Maybe I should start studying chemistry and work out a formula to give my anger the physical shape of a penis. Then you take it with you, ask for the stuff, put a gun against his head while we take the money of the account, and finally you give him a red dragon while he's sucking my transformed anger...

MarieLouise said:

Oh my god.

MarieLouise said:

Maybe so electricity applied somewhere too

i think the most important thing for you to do is to make sure this person's presence in your life is removed to the greatest extent you can manage.

don't let material things or financial matters keep you attached to this person any more than is absolutely necessary. if you have to eat a few dollars or lose a few possessions, its worth it if the long term result is that you are spared this person's insanity.

of course, try to recover as much of what is yours as is possible, but don't do it alone.

i know a lot of people who have ended relationships and have allowed leftover logistics and disputes to keep them somehow attached and involved in each other's lives, even though the dynamic is that of hostility and antagonism. it's still a matter of wanting to remain attached, when really if they just let go of a lot of shit they may have to incur some loss, but they gain the ability to move on with life. i'm not saying you're doing this, but i am saying you should check in with yourself now and then to make sure you're doing all you can to move away from this toxic person so you can get on with life.

also, and i'm just sayin' - be careful about posting this guy's pic on the internet and talking smack about him, even if it's all 100% true. there is a chance he can turn that around on you and claim you're harassing him. if anything, i would at least take down the pic.

Anxiety said:

co-sign

I'm with anxiety with everything he said.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. As fucked up as our situation was and as much as I was so angry with him, I was always looking for excuses to somehow have him in my life in some way and one of my excuses was to try and get back the money he owed me. Finally I came to my senses and just walked away. Best thing I ever did.

I'd take his pic down right away as I also think it's asking for trouble and, as well giving him attention that he doesn't deserve.

You are presenting one side of an argument
but there are at least two sides to every story.

In the most basic sense, justice speaks
the language of respect and
respect is a two way street
which really is often enabled
by some kind of love.
When love is betrayed,
respect gets dismantled
and either party will point
fingers in self-defense.

As I see it, only if you meet halfway
and accept what he has to say for
what it is and how it is meaningful for him,
can you negotiate, cooperate and perhaps
even reconcile in a reasonable manner and hence
have justice be served.

Otherwise, I say leave him alone
at least for a good while,
request he do the same for you but
perhaps suggest professional help
and remove all trace of things related to
him from your living space. With
time and distance you'll both eventually heal.

And like others have said, take down the picture,
it won't help anything.

.
[Edited 8/28/07 8:14am]

You were right about the pic, you all. Thanks for your concern. I have drawn and written on the blackboard in my kitchen, and he'll probably serve my literary aspirations on day, I mean, for real.

I'm the one who wants to get things all over and done with. This has been like that for six months, but the contract is ending this week and I want my father's money back. I'm simply too proud to pay him for his betrayal. And he's simply too stupid.

I've sent him a very logical, calm mail, he responded with all kinds of insults. 'Whore' etc. I saved it.

So he's kinda flipping, which is good in a way. Saying A in one message and B in the other. Threatening me in text-messages. Telling lies about what other say.

I'm going to the bank tomorrow and sign my part of the paper. If he doesn't sign, I'll wait some more. Depending on the energy I'll have left in some time, I'll let it rest or take further action.

I've forwarded the emails to my father, same goes for the zillion text messages I keep getting, which are getting more stupid every second that goes by. I've stopped responding to his agressive impulses and will continue to do so. For as long as my strength is strong enough.

BTW, no way I want to keep in touch with this guy. If you knew me a bit, and knew what he did, you would believe me. I hate the fact he's still blaming me, but there's another girl in me, who just laughs and is still able to love and trust.

Thanks for the responses !

MarieLouise said:

You're too young to be worrying like this MarieLouise. Why dont you do something youthful like more travelling?

JDInteractive said:

I'm sorry, no offense, but that sounds so funny.

MarieLouise said:

I'm a bit hurt by that as I was only thinking what might be best but if I've made you laugh at least that's something.

I found with travelling I didnt worry about anyone or anything and just felt so liberated from the trivialities of domestic life.
[Edited 8/28/07 14:47pm]

.
[Edited 8/28/07 16:24pm]