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'Advertisement for your ex' Post a funny ad about your ex. 
Example: HOT STUD, LOOKING FOR *JUST FUN* I'm such a good catch, don't even bother applying if your over a size 8, and also expect to pay for our dates! If you share an interest in collecting coat-hangers then you could be the gal for me! But don't forget, I suffer from a serious condition known as 'Commitment-Phobia' so please respect this and leave immediately the morning after meeting me. Just to tempt you further, I don't wear aftershave as I have my very own natural *fragrance* Example: Emotionally stunted 36 year old control freak, serial student seeks professional woman to support me financially through my studies. I will marry the lucky girl and demand £1000 pcm for payment of mortgage/council tax/household bills/computer upgrades/anything else which takes my fancy whilst all the time be claiming income support behind her back and having these paid me for already. Two weeks after the wedding I will confess to having picked up men for sex (although I'm not gay), and will have no further sexual relations with wife. Do not expect to spend much time with me, as you will be working in excess of 60 hours a week in order to pay 2 mortgages. In return I will give you **** all. You may then wake up and smell the coffee and leave me after only 4 months of marriage, and I will sickeningly play the heartbroken, jilted groom. [Edited 7/25/07 16:25pm] Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) | |
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MissMe said: Post a funny ad about your ex.
Example: HOT STUD, LOOKING FOR *JUST FUN* I'm such a good catch, don't even bother applying if your over a size 8, and also expect to pay for our dates! If you share an interest in collecting coat-hangers then you could be the gal for me! But don't forget, I suffer from a serious condition known as 'Commitment-Phobia' so please respect this and leave immediately the morning after meeting me. Just to tempt you further, I don't wear aftershave as I have my very own natural *fragrance* 
I'm going to make one right now  | |
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I don't know which one to pick.  | |
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JustErin said: I don't know which one to pick.
Do them all. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) | |
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MissMe said: JustErin said: I don't know which one to pick.
Do them all. I started one then stopped, then tried another and stopped then gave up on trying anymore. I just can't put down what I really wanna say. | |
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Male student, 23 years old, will have sex with anything that breathes and has boobs. I don't have a car, so you will be my chauffeur. Don't have a job either as my mommy and daddy pay for everything, but they can stop when you become my girlfriend. You will pay for all our dates  Don't bother calling me, ladies, as my phone will be off while I mack on other chicks.
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jess555ja said: Male student, 23 years old, will have sex with anything that breathes and has boobs. I don't have a car, so you will be my chauffeur. Don't have a job either as my mommy and daddy pay for everything, but they can stop when you become my girlfriend. You will pay for all our dates
Don't bother calling me, ladies, as my phone will be off while I mack on other chicks.
Sorry.  Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) | |
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JustErin said: MissMe said: Do them all. I started one then stopped, then tried another and stopped then gave up on trying anymore. I just can't put down what I really wanna say. Make a video then. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) | |
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MissMe said: JustErin said: I started one then stopped, then tried another and stopped then gave up on trying anymore. I just can't put down what I really wanna say. Make a video then.
Don't tempt me. | |
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MissMe said: jess555ja said: Male student, 23 years old, will have sex with anything that breathes and has boobs. I don't have a car, so you will be my chauffeur. Don't have a job either as my mommy and daddy pay for everything, but they can stop when you become my girlfriend. You will pay for all our dates
Don't bother calling me, ladies, as my phone will be off while I mack on other chicks.
Sorry. It's ok
I'm going to make another one  | |
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Mine would be for my ex husband:
34 YEAR OLD LOOKING FOR WIFE #5: Yes ladies! I would be the man your looking for if you like to stay home all night while I party with my friends drinking the night away, and will be sacking EVERY woman I lay eyes upon. I LOVE to cheat on all my women, treat my child like dirt EVERY time I meet a new one(woman).I am also a full blown mental abuser, will talk down to you, and control your life to the hilt. Not to mention, I LOVE controlling the money even if we both work! I also will make you go on antidepressants just to NOT hear your opinion about certain things(especially when you confront me about cheating on you).O did I mention that my credit is shit, so that would mean if you marry me it will be in your name BUT Im the one who gets to drive it!One more thing if your thin I will fatten you up and leave your sorry butt out in the dirt(but then again he shouldnt be talking cause he looks like 10 months preggers hisself lol) Give me a call!  Thank you for the thread,great way for me to vent! lol[Edited 7/25/07 17:31pm] Smurf theme song-seriously how many fucking "La Las" can u fit into a dam song 
Proud Wendy and Lisa Fancy Lesbian asskisser  | |
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my exes are both really nice!  | |
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 Mama's goin to town with this one.
Ad for boyfriend #1: "Submissive pet looking for master " ( Take a wild guess, readers...)
I am a young (age 19.5) man willing to be your toy. I want you to order me around and treat me like crap. I will worship you forever. I will build up your confidence in the process, begin to question you even though I asked to be ordered around, and drive you crazy with drama. Expect me to latch on to your teats and suck you dry. I whine, I beg, I never stop talking about my past or my obsessions. I ask for advice but never listen. Did I mention I want you to own me? I promise to be loyal. I will also tell you strange things about cat-people, dog-people, and the end of the world until you pop. I will ask you to marry me, I will yammer on and on about Metal Gear Solid and Metallica, and I will be loyal...I promise!!  If you do me wrong, I will make sure to talk shit about you to my new girlfriend. I will conspire to have her ex come after you and mess you up 100%. I will become apologetic later on and latch on to your teat again like it never happened. I'm madly in love with another woman...but...I will be loyal to you! She's married and doesn't want me anyway...but...I want to marry her. She has a baby....and she is great....and...I want to have a Crow movie themed wedding and--I'M LOYAL!!
I go to porn sites...I want to be someone's slave. I like weird kinky stuff. I will preach in a subtle tone to you about God and Jesus. I will nicely shove religion down your throat. I am a proud Southern Baptist. I know tons of scripture. I don't practice what I preach, though. Well..sorta...I'm loyal though!! I will never be a faker!!
(I have 7 wolf spirits inside of me.) Ad for boyfriend #2 I'm an enigma wrapped inside a riddle, coated with a mystery. No, I am not Russia. I am a 25 year old guitarist who will guilt trip you to Hell and back if you stop talking to me...and believe me; you WILL eventually try to stop talking to me. I will never call you. Actually, you will hear from me on the phone 3 YEARS AFTER. I have a very magnetic personality but I am a total mess. I use my illnesses (both mental and physical) against all people to feel sorry for me. I will pretend you are worth the Sun, Moon, and Stars but we will hardly talk about worthy things and will spend hours upon hours doing stupid-ass anime RPs. We will have so many HORRIBLE off and on sessions as this and that...and your typing/blogging skills will skyrocket because of this. I will eventually screw you over after three years of love and strange friendship for a very young girl that I lied about being with. It's just RPs I swear...ok sexual ones....I love you!! We will have major fallings out and I will be jealous of all men in your life romantically. I will insult you time and time again and then beat myself up so you can build me up. I'm pretty fraudulent and a drama queen. Not a king...a QUEEN. I will tell you strange things about my sexual pleasure habits too. I will confess love for you a thousand times....I will be very blind to everything. You will get upset. I love you, [your name here]-Chan!! Ad for Boyfriend three I am a loner. I am a gamer. I am a hacker. I know how to fight, how to kill. I have two sides of me. One is Jester. He is bad, he is crazy. One is beast. He just...he just is. You will hear from them both when the moon is full. That's when I change and lock myself up to the world. I love weapons and love to sharpen mine. I pretend to have low self esteem but an super confident. I am big and scary and mysterious. I know freaky shit, have a HUGE fanbase of women who would do anything for me...and I will remind you of this. If you mess up, I will never forgive you. I will make you paranoid the entire time you are with me....because we are a thousand miles apart my love. I am but a year older than you (23)...yet we are worlds apart. I have it all and I did lots of VERY BAD things to get there. I can't talk about them, though. Just know that I am a fighter and have trained with many. I can do bad scary things. you will find out years later that this is all a lie...and that actually I am a class-A nutjob. You will luck out. I caused my ex to stand on the edge of suicide. I'm a bad man....I had a bad childhood even though my parents were great people. I cheated on you the entire time we were together. I built you up because you were a fine toy. You won't be able to get enough of me...until we break up. You will be scared of me the entire relationship. You will get over me in 2 weeks time before meeting a nicer man. Yah...I kinda still have beef with them. [Edited 7/25/07 21:18pm] | |
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Mama's boy with wandering eye in search of female who is gainfully employed; since I will routinely be broke, between jobs, or spending my money on Scotch, coke, and ecstasy. Very good at making plans and canceling at the last minute to hang out with my friends (doing coke and x). But don't worry; I'll stagger over to your place by dawn after a night of partying and cheating on you and lie about where I've been.
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Maybe all these men belong to the same club: A.A.(Assholes Anon.)
Smurf theme song-seriously how many fucking "La Las" can u fit into a dam song
Proud Wendy and Lisa Fancy Lesbian asskisser | |
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Sweet titties and a hot box. Loves to give head and do any crazy shit you can think of. Loves to party, drink, smoke up, and get naked at the drop of a hat.
Sound crazy? I am! Studies have shown the ass crack of the average Prince fan to be abnormally large. This explains the ease and frequency of their panties bunching up in it. |
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moderatorLadyLuvSexxy said: Mama's goin to town with this one.
Ad for boyfriend #1: "Submissive pet looking for master " ( Take a wild guess, readers...)
I am a young (age 19.5) man willing to be your toy. I want you to order me around and treat me like crap. I will worship you forever. I will build up your confidence in the process, begin to question you even though I asked to be ordered around, and drive you crazy with drama. Expect me to latch on to your teats and suck you dry. I whine, I beg, I never stop talking about my past or my obsessions. I ask for advice but never listen. Did I mention I want you to own me? I promise to be loyal. I will also tell you strange things about cat-people, dog-people, and the end of the world until you pop. I will ask you to marry me, I will yammer on and on about Metal Gear Solid and Metallica, and I will be loyal...I promise!! If you do me wrong, I will make sure to talk shit about you to my new girlfriend. I will conspire to have her ex come after you and mess you up 100%. I will become apologetic later on and latch on to your teat again like it never happened. I'm madly in love with another woman...but...I will be loyal to you! She's married and doesn't want me anyway...but...I want to marry her. She has a baby....and she is great....and...I want to have a Crow movie themed wedding and--I'M LOYAL!!
I go to porn sites...I want to be someone's slave. I like weird kinky stuff. I will preach in a subtle tone to you about God and Jesus. I will nicely shove religion down your throat. I am a proud Southern Baptist. I know tons of scripture. I don't practice what I preach, though. Well..sorta...I'm loyal though!! I will never be a faker!!
(I have 7 wolf spirits inside of me.) Ad for boyfriend #2 I'm an enigma wrapped inside a riddle, coated with a mystery. No, I am not Russia. I am a 25 year old guitarist who will guilt trip you to Hell and back if you stop talking to me...and believe me; you WILL eventually try to stop talking to me. I will never call you. Actually, you will hear from me on the phone 3 YEARS AFTER. I have a very magnetic personality but I am a total mess. I use my illnesses (both mental and physical) against all people to feel sorry for me. I will pretend you are worth the Sun, Moon, and Stars but we will hardly talk about worthy things and will spend hours upon hours doing stupid-ass anime RPs. We will have so many HORRIBLE off and on sessions as this and that...and your typing/blogging skills will skyrocket because of this. I will eventually screw you over after three years of love and strange friendship for a very young girl that I lied about being with. It's just RPs I swear...ok sexual ones....I love you!! We will have major fallings out and I will be jealous of all men in your life romantically. I will insult you time and time again and then beat myself up so you can build me up. I'm pretty fraudulent and a drama queen. Not a king...a QUEEN. I will tell you strange things about my sexual pleasure habits too. I will confess love for you a thousand times....I will be very blind to everything. You will get upset. I love you, [your name here]-Chan!! Ad for Boyfriend three I am a loner. I am a gamer. I am a hacker. I know how to fight, how to kill. I have two sides of me. One is Jester. He is bad, he is crazy. One is beast. He just...he just is. You will hear from them both when the moon is full. That's when I change and lock myself up to the world. I love weapons and love to sharpen mine. I pretend to have low self esteem but an super confident. I am big and scary and mysterious. I know freaky shit, have a HUGE fanbase of women who would do anything for me...and I will remind you of this. If you mess up, I will never forgive you. I will make you paranoid the entire time you are with me....because we are a thousand miles apart my love. I am but a year older than you (23)...yet we are worlds apart. I have it all and I did lots of VERY BAD things to get there. I can't talk about them, though. Just know that I am a fighter and have trained with many. I can do bad scary things. you will find out years later that this is all a lie...and that actually I am a class-A nutjob. You will luck out. I caused my ex to stand on the edge of suicide. I'm a bad man....I had a bad childhood even though my parents were great people. I cheated on you the entire time we were together. I built you up because you were a fine toy. You won't be able to get enough of me...until we break up. You will be scared of me the entire relationship. You will get over me in 2 weeks time before meeting a nicer man. Yah...I kinda still have beef with them.
[Edited 7/25/07 21:18pm] DAMN, GIRL! Now that was some good readin'! | |
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toots said: Mine would be for my ex husband:
34 YEAR OLD LOOKING FOR WIFE #5: Yes ladies! I would be the man your looking for if you like to stay home all night while I party with my friends drinking the night away, and will be sacking EVERY woman I lay eyes upon. I LOVE to cheat on all my women, treat my child like dirt EVERY time I meet a new one(woman).I am also a full blown mental abuser, will talk down to you, and control your life to the hilt. Not to mention, I LOVE controlling the money even if we both work! I also will make you go on antidepressants just to NOT hear your opinion about certain things(especially when you confront me about cheating on you).O did I mention that my credit is shit, so that would mean if you marry me it will be in your name BUT Im the one who gets to drive it!One more thing if your thin I will fatten you up and leave your sorry butt out in the dirt(but then again he shouldnt be talking cause he looks like 10 months preggers hisself lol) Give me a call! Thank you for the thread,great way for me to vent! lol
[Edited 7/25/07 17:31pm] Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) | |
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LadyLuvSexxy said: Mama's goin to town with this one.
Ad for boyfriend #1: "Submissive pet looking for master " ( Take a wild guess, readers...)
I am a young (age 19.5) man willing to be your toy. I want you to order me around and treat me like crap. I will worship you forever. I will build up your confidence in the process, begin to question you even though I asked to be ordered around, and drive you crazy with drama. Expect me to latch on to your teats and suck you dry. I whine, I beg, I never stop talking about my past or my obsessions. I ask for advice but never listen. Did I mention I want you to own me? I promise to be loyal. I will also tell you strange things about cat-people, dog-people, and the end of the world until you pop. I will ask you to marry me, I will yammer on and on about Metal Gear Solid and Metallica, and I will be loyal...I promise!! If you do me wrong, I will make sure to talk shit about you to my new girlfriend. I will conspire to have her ex come after you and mess you up 100%. I will become apologetic later on and latch on to your teat again like it never happened. I'm madly in love with another woman...but...I will be loyal to you! She's married and doesn't want me anyway...but...I want to marry her. She has a baby....and she is great....and...I want to have a Crow movie themed wedding and--I'M LOYAL!!
I go to porn sites...I want to be someone's slave. I like weird kinky stuff. I will preach in a subtle tone to you about God and Jesus. I will nicely shove religion down your throat. I am a proud Southern Baptist. I know tons of scripture. I don't practice what I preach, though. Well..sorta...I'm loyal though!! I will never be a faker!!
(I have 7 wolf spirits inside of me.) Damn! That's messed up! [Edited 7/26/07 3:10am] Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) | |
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MissMe said: LadyLuvSexxy said: Mama's goin to town with this one.
Ad for boyfriend #1: "Submissive pet looking for master " ( Take a wild guess, readers...)
I am a young (age 19.5) man willing to be your toy. I want you to order me around and treat me like crap. I will worship you forever. I will build up your confidence in the process, begin to question you even though I asked to be ordered around, and drive you crazy with drama. Expect me to latch on to your teats and suck you dry. I whine, I beg, I never stop talking about my past or my obsessions. I ask for advice but never listen. Did I mention I want you to own me? I promise to be loyal. I will also tell you strange things about cat-people, dog-people, and the end of the world until you pop. I will ask you to marry me, I will yammer on and on about Metal Gear Solid and Metallica, and I will be loyal...I promise!! If you do me wrong, I will make sure to talk shit about you to my new girlfriend. I will conspire to have her ex come after you and mess you up 100%. I will become apologetic later on and latch on to your teat again like it never happened. I'm madly in love with another woman...but...I will be loyal to you! She's married and doesn't want me anyway...but...I want to marry her. She has a baby....and she is great....and...I want to have a Crow movie themed wedding and--I'M LOYAL!!
I go to porn sites...I want to be someone's slave. I like weird kinky stuff. I will preach in a subtle tone to you about God and Jesus. I will nicely shove religion down your throat. I am a proud Southern Baptist. I know tons of scripture. I don't practice what I preach, though. Well..sorta...I'm loyal though!! I will never be a faker!!
(I have 7 wolf spirits inside of me.) Damn! That's messed up!
[Edited 7/26/07 3:10am] LOL it surely was. It made for some good writing though! (writer in training over here!!) | |
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