So here's the situation:

I'm currently the cause of someone's cheating on his girlfriend. Yep, I'm the other woman everyone loves to hate so much. I won't go into the details of the why and the how of it, except to say that yes, I do know it's a bad thing to do.

But that's not the point of starting this thread. I've got an honest question for y'all: The kid's got a heavy case of the guilties about the whole thing, in spite of not seeming to be compelled to stop this anymore than I am. Thing is, if I thought he thought he was getting away with something, I'd have no problem ending this situation. But since he does (and I know he's not just putting that on to look like the good guy either) I don't.

Does my reaction make any sense at all? Because I sure as hell can't figure myself out.

meow85 said:

this part confuses me... explain this alittle bit more.

meow85 said:

...You lost me

You feel guilty but, as he feels guilty too, you stay with him.

I would stay apart until he clears things with his wife or else I don't see how this could end fine

statuesqque said:

That's the part I'm confused about.

PANDURITO said:

Could be. I don't know what I'm doing.


Well, not wife, but long-term girlfriend, which is really just as bad.

How I wound up in this situation was long and drawn out, and there's some unorthodox details that complicated matters a bit. We both held off and behaved ourselves for a good while, all thing considered. I don't have feelings for him or any romantic illusions about how this'll turn out. I think I'd consider him a friend with whom I shared a mutual inappropriate attraction and things just got way out of hand.

meow85 said:

that's you answer right there, isn't it?

IstenSzek said:

Damn, I would have sympathised with you, had you fallen in love with him or something, but as it's just a sex thing, I can't believe you even started this thread and asked the question, as IstenSzek said, you have your answer.

First of all. If you don't actually feel anything for him then just end it, you KNOW it's wrong.

Next time he mentions guilt, end it. You will get the genuine emotion from him then.

Ultimately end it anyway, especially if you don't even fancy the guy.

MissMe said:

I agree, if it was love that's one thing but it just being a sex thing it's a none issue.

statuesqque said:

I don't agree at all, I think trhe honesty thing makes it more of a situation. If it had been an oupouring of love and puke and the guy is guilty too then it is a none issue, run of the mill affair. This is much more exciting, and good sex is hard to find and should not be underestimated.

The sex is good right?

You don't have feelings for him, yet you're allowing him to cheat on his girlfriend....

He I would BET he has feelings for you.....or else why would he cheat with you?

End it, and let him figure out what he wants to do, since you obviously have no intent on forming a relationship with him....it's not fair to him or his girl.

statuesqque said:

Co-sign

I'm sorry.

This is really pissing me off.

Yeah, the guy is guilty for cheating....but WHY are you doing it if you have NO feelings for him.

Frankly I think your an ass if you let that shit continue.

I was in a situation my self, where I din't actually cheat on my husband but I had strong feelings for someone, and was wanting to be with him after I had left my husband. This person KNEW I had feelings for him, and yet, he didn't give a fuck for me, yet he let the whole thing DRAGGGG out....and left me with a brocken heart....and it took me MONTHS to get over it, and it totally fucked with my head.

You need to tell this dude that you don't care for him RITE NOW.

PREDOMINANT said:

I respect the honesty thing don't get me wrong but if it's just about good sex then there are no strings and all that which is what most want in that type of situtation, which makes it a none issue...it's about the physical not the emotional. She stated she doesn't have feelings for him or under any romantic illusion, the issue is do they want to give up having good sex, not someone they have feelings for. And I agree good sex is hard to find and shouldn't be underestimated...not in the least.

Do you want us to allievate your conscience then? I think it is a bad thing you are doing. End it before she finds out and their hearts will be broken but because you don't care that much for him (nor it seems respect him (or her)) you will go away emotionally intact. You must admit, that you are being very hard faced about this situation. If they have problems in their relationship let them sort it out.

blueblossom said:

Exactly.

YOU get away scott free and they both will have brocken hearts.

Its not fair.

I don't think your a bad person, but you need to end it.

Like TOTALLY end it.....all or nothing.

And even if you tell him its only for sex and he says he's cool and okay with that, don't believe him.

Just stop.

good sex with strings or no strings, feelings or no feelings bottom line is the man is in a relationship with someone else. end it and see what happens from there. doing the right thing by ending it and moving on should be no problem since she has no feelings for this man.

[b
[Edited 7/25/07 6:51am]

heybaby said:

You all are really confusing me: isn't cheating on someone usually about sex first? Falling for someone else emotionally is something altogether different.

Meow sweetie:

If it is just sex and you have no feelings for this person, you should be encouraging him to work out his relationship with his girlfriend. It is my experience that men cheat because they are not getting the sex they want at home or not getting what they need emotionally.

we're getting into a murky area here, with the respect and disrespect thing... and I believe everybody gets hurt in a triangle situation, be it the other woman or the other man on some level.

statuesqque said:

[i]

It gets murky because people seem to dig themselves into so much shit....

blueblossom said:

but who doesn't...

statuesqque said:

Thank you everyone over an entire lifetime makes strange choices at some point

people can climb up on a soapbox and rant and point fingers but goodness we all know no one is perfect or even really any better then the next person

humans are perfectly imperfect every last one of us

Meow - a tough situation

Mach said:

Another reason why I dig you.

we are complex animals, although i understand everyone's reaction. being overtly moralising is mad fake

truthfully none of us can answer your question, your situation, your feel is unique to you

we need to learn, from our mistakes as well as our successes, go with the flow.
and see where it takes you, maybe it will lead to something better...

Mach said:

Yes...this is true. I thought about this thread on my drive a couple minutes ago....since my own experience and wound is still pretty fresh.

I've been the victom, and the martyr (however that is spelt) before....and the heartache, and the heartbreaker are all rolls we will or already have played at one time or another.

The point IS....you need to think about what you are doing and try to do the morally correct thing.

Mach said:

eraclito said:

yep