A couple of my best friends were adopted. Friend A, has a fantastic relationship with her mother, and a crazy father. Friend B, had a fantastic relationship with her father, who is now dead, and a crazy mother. When friend A is not around her dad, she is very happy. Friend B is now taking care of her mother who is very sick but she has resented her for years, even saying before she wish she was never adopted by her. Not really sure if that feeling is changing now that her mother is dying.

I know for sure that friend A has many unresolved issues over the fact that she is adopted. She had a blessed life growing up. She had a brother who was 14 years older than she so essentially she grew up more or less a single child and had everything her heart desired. She even had a horse! In otherwords, she was given a really great life and lacked for nothing. But she has mentioned a few times that she wants to know her blood, where she comes from what her family is like. But I think she is really tempered with the fact of not wanting to hurt her adoptive mother who she loves with all her heart.

So I guess I have some questions. Several times I have thought about starting a search for her parents but I'm not sure how I should approach her on it. If anyone wants to share, I'd like to know some things:

have you searched for your parents? If so, were you happy or upset with the outcome?

how did your adopted parents react?

do you feel that your issues were bigger than your adopted parents, i.e. your needing to know your past vs their fear of feeling rejected? Did fear of hurting your adoptive parents prevent you from looking.

if you haven't looked, do you feel you have resolved any issues you may have had in not knowing your birthfamily? If you feel that way, how did you go about resolving them.

What resources did you use to find your birthparents? What were the costs?


I know that my friend feels a void. I would like to help her someday but I'm not really sure how to approach it. Should I maybe talk to her adopted mother first? Or is that overstepping boundaries? I'm interested to hear how some of you have dealt with this issue.

Oh, and a quick of appreciation for all the people out there who have chosen to adopt children into their lives. You have done a very special thing