Shanti1 said:

That's so tough and I can only imagine how you must have been worn down as a woman and human being in that situation, but it's wonderful you're coming out the other side aware of what happened and why and with a determination to be happy just as you most certainly deserve to be.

Stymie said:

You've made me giggle too, it still amazes me how picky people can get on this board. I could say that what you wrote was ridiculous but I respect your opinion and would not pick it apart and downplay it in any way and it isn't ridiculous. I've already stated the list of things that could happen and have happend. Do I have to explain myself with every post or something? Was it picked apart because I believe in the Bible? It is also my personal decision to avoid adultery as many have also chosen to do, not just religious people. This way I can avoid the consequences of such actions in my own marriage. Don't you think it's ridiculous when someone brings back an STD to their spouse do to sleeping with someone else, when they could have avoided it in the first place?

While I agree that marital problems can be fixed, I'd very much rather it be money issues or parental issues than, "Honey I cheated on you." I would NOT want to hurt my husband like that. Learning to respect your mate and trust them again? Sure, but won't it always be in the back of your mind, like, "what if?" And yes broken families are on the rise and yes many times adultery leads to it.

I do have to say though that what common sense means to one, does not mean the same for another. Not many people use it and choose to create excuses for hurtful behavior which not only affects their significant other and their family, but themselves too. That to me personally is ridiculous.
[Edited 2/18/07 20:25pm]

SureThing said:

Some parts but not others. She would say she adores me and wants to spend her life with me. She would mean it too, and were I ever to say I was walking away (which I won't), she'd fight all the way to make me stay. Like you, she loved a man and cheated on him despite really loving him. However, it's tricky for me now to be able to determine quite how much she loved me then as time has passed and my more recent memory of how she feels about me is clearer in my mind. She had never been in a serious relationship and had no idea how it worked (this despite being married before for just under a year, to someone who cared about her deeply and had good intentions but never truly loved her in that complete way).

Perhaps it was an insecurity of sorts which led to her cheating in the sense that a few previous boyfriends she'd had were foreigners who'd come over once or twice but eventually given up on the long distance thing. Here was me, certain I'd be in this for the long haul, but she deep down may have wondered if I'd be like the others. Like you, she wanted the male company and attention, and I was thousands of miles away. We weren't serious enough, or at least perhaps she hadn't fully committed herself to the relationship and basically 'got' the idea of love, to stop her from cheating. With me she hadn't really seen anything different at that point to the other relationship she'd been in. Gradually she started to understand all of what I felt for her and she grew up (fiercely independent and self-reliant as she was, but so naive in many ways) and began to realise what it is to love somebody completely. She didn't want to leave me, she wasn't unhappy. I just wasn't there and she was used to someone being there.

Now I'd have no worries about going to England without her and trusting her here without me, but I was naive myself at the time (first relationship for me) to think that all I felt for her was transmitted perfectly to her and would be enough to make her faithful at that time, especially with her living the party life back then and working amongst it too.

My concern now is this going out business. Everything is great nearly every day of every month, but the going out thing is still there. She'll drink just 2 or 3 times a month, but those times she'll come home plastered at 1 or 2am after going out in the daytime to do something, telling me beforehand she'll back around a certain time, then sneaking off to a bar and never once calling me at least to let me know. It doesn't help that she still has many old friends (not all the best people or greatest of influences) who haven't moved on from that party life down in Khao San Road. Both our friend Ple and Mon's sister Ta are single too and go out quite a bit. It matters not that I make an effort to go out with Mon sometimes and take her to eat out often several times a week. She just seems to need these nights out and can't get it out of her system. Under other circumstances I could be cool with it, if it were controlled and mutually arranged and understood, but it's sneaky and shows a lack of thought about my feelings the way she's doing it now.

Damn, another epic post. Sorry guys.

SureThing said:

Some parts but not others. She would say she adores me and wants to spend her life with me. She would mean it too, and were I ever to say I was walking away (which I won't), she'd fight all the way to make me stay. Like you, she loved a man and cheated on him despite really loving him. However, it's tricky for me now to be able to determine quite how much she loved me then as time has passed and my more recent memory of how she feels about me is clearer in my mind. She had never been in a serious relationship and had no idea how it worked (this despite being married before for just under a year, to someone who cared about her deeply and had good intentions but never truly loved her in that complete way).

Perhaps it was an insecurity of sorts which led to her cheating in the sense that a few previous boyfriends she'd had were foreigners who'd come over once or twice but eventually given up on the long distance thing. Here was me, certain I'd be in this for the long haul, but she deep down may have wondered if I'd be like the others. Like you, she wanted the male company and attention, and I was thousands of miles away. We weren't serious enough, or at least perhaps she hadn't fully committed herself to the relationship and basically 'got' the idea of love, to stop her from cheating. With me she hadn't really seen anything different at that point to the other relationship she'd been in. Gradually she started to understand all of what I felt for her and she grew up (fiercely independent and self-reliant as she was, but so naive in many ways) and began to realise what it is to love somebody completely. She didn't want to leave me, she wasn't unhappy. I just wasn't there and she was used to someone being there.

Now I'd have no worries about going to England without her and trusting her here without me, but I was naive myself at the time (first relationship for me) to think that all I felt for her was transmitted perfectly to her and would be enough to make her faithful at that time, especially with her living the party life back then and working amongst it too.

My concern now is this going out business. Everything is great nearly every day of every month, but the going out thing is still there. She'll drink just 2 or 3 times a month, but those times she'll come home plastered at 1 or 2am after going out in the daytime to do something, telling me beforehand she'll back around a certain time, then sneaking off to a bar and never once calling me at least to let me know. It doesn't help that she still has many old friends (not all the best people or greatest of influences) who haven't moved on from that party life down in Khao San Road. Both our friend Ple and Mon's sister Ta are single too and go out quite a bit. It matters not that I make an effort to go out with Mon sometimes and take her to eat out often several times a week. She just seems to need these nights out and can't get it out of her system. Under other circumstances I could be cool with it, if it were controlled and mutually arranged and understood, but it's sneaky and shows a lack of thought about my feelings the way she's doing it now.

Damn, another epic post. Sorry guys.

You know it always comes back to what each person wants.


Personally, I cannot do it! I cannot and will not be responsible for hurting another person. It weighs to heavily on my soul.