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PrintableSo true, to me it seems the belief is that a person is suppose to have a deeper connection with their significant other and many times they don't, the reality is people can and do have deeper connections, feel more comfortable and themselves with someone other than the person they're with. | |
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NAnomaly said: So true, to me it seems the belief is that a person is suppose to have a deeper connection with their significant other and many times they don't, the reality is people can and do have deeper connections, feel more comfortable and themselves with someone other than the person they're with.
For me being in a committed relationship means that person is the one I am most connected with over anyone else in my life. That is just the way it has to be for me- I have tried it the other way and it never works for me. | |
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UCantHavaDaMango said: I've known people who have had their marriages torn apart by infedelity, and people who have been brought closer together by it.
The couple in the latter situation started their relationship over from scratch (with the help of a counselor), and had to build their trust all over again. Their story was an eye opener for me, because I realized that adultery does not automatically signify the end of a marriage. The cheater regretted what he did, and went back to his wife. Then again, I know a couple where the cheater wanted to start a new life with his mistress. This was devestating to his family. Not only did they experience betrayal, but rejection as well. While I admire the first couple for making their marriage work, I cannot see myself being as forgiving, or emotionally resilient. I understand that some people are more flexible with their commitment level while in a relationship, but I am not one of them. For people who see sexual intimacy as a reflection of their deep commitment and love, infedelity is a knife through the heart. I would rather have my beloved end the relationship with me and go to someone else, than live a double life with a mistress. While breaking up would be painful, discovering that he was unfaithful to me would be unbearable. If anyone is tempted to cheat on their lover, either break up first, or just don't do it. The temptation may pass. Sebastian Bach (of 80's hairband Skid Row ) put it best when he said, "What's more important? Banging some #@!^&*, or the happiness of my family?" That's all I have to say. For now anyway. Very well said!!! 
The key to the redemption is the transgressor truthfully acknowledging the mistake....more importantly, silence is also key....instead of trying to argue and justify, just listen to your significant other put into words the damage you've caused.....when I did this...just listened....I felt lower than whale shit....and feel lucky that I do have the chance at redemption..... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above... 
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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UCantHavaDaMango said: I've known people who have had their marriages torn apart by infedelity, and people who have been brought closer together by it.
The couple in the latter situation started their relationship over from scratch (with the help of a counselor), and had to build their trust all over again. Their story was an eye opener for me, because I realized that adultery does not automatically signify the end of a marriage. The cheater regretted what he did, and went back to his wife. Then again, I know a couple where the cheater wanted to start a new life with his mistress. This was devestating to his family. Not only did they experience betrayal, but rejection as well. While I admire the first couple for making their marriage work, I cannot see myself being as forgiving, or emotionally resilient. I understand that some people are more flexible with their commitment level while in a relationship, but I am not one of them. For people who see sexual intimacy as a reflection of their deep commitment and love, infedelity is a knife through the heart. I would rather have my beloved end the relationship with me and go to someone else, than live a double life with a mistress. While breaking up would be painful, discovering that he was unfaithful to me would be unbearable. If anyone I know was tempted to cheat on their lover, I would tell them to either break up first, or just don't do it. The temptation may pass. Sebastian Bach (of 80's hairband Skid Row ) put it best when he said, "What's more important? Banging some #@!^&*, or the happiness of my family?" That's all I have to say. For now anyway. [Edited 2/17/07 12:27pm] I have seen where it has done both of those things as well and I think if a relationship has a strong foundation and a strong connection and a will to surivive that nothing in this world could tear it apart not even someone messing up and cheating. I think it makes you realise what you really have and if have nothing to start with and it happens then you see it more clearly. I feel if you have something strong- it can really bring you together. It really depends on the two ppl in the relationship and the core of that relationship. | |
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Shanti1 said: NAnomaly said: So true, to me it seems the belief is that a person is suppose to have a deeper connection with their significant other and many times they don't, the reality is people can and do have deeper connections, feel more comfortable and themselves with someone other than the person they're with.
For me being in a committed relationship means that person is the one I am most connected with over anyone else in my life. That is just the way it has to be for me- I have tried it the other way and it never works for me. I agree but I also acknowledge that for many it's not that way and it happens for many reasons. | |
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INSATIABLE said: I've learned to keep my mouth shut about this here.
  Probably a good policy. Those who tell the truth with good intentions often end up being crucified by those who will not admit the wrong to themselves. | |
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applekisses said: INSATIABLE said: I've learned to keep my mouth shut about this here.
Probably a good policy. Those who tell the truth with good intentions often end up being crucified by those who will not admit the wrong to themselves.This is true too, so for me enough said. | |
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applekisses said: INSATIABLE said: I've learned to keep my mouth shut about this here.
Probably a good policy. Those who tell the truth with good intentions often end up being crucified by those who will not admit the wrong to themselves.Agreed...you come to understand the power and depth of denial.... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above...
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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reneGade20 said: applekisses said: Probably a good policy. Those who tell the truth with good intentions often end up being crucified by those who will not admit the wrong to themselves.Agreed...you come to understand the power and depth of denial....  you know it. | |
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monogamy is un-natural. the evidence is all over the place. If you choose to fight nature you must b strong, consistent and leading a life of high fulfilment, at least in 1 other area.
playing the field (or at least trying to  ) is natural.
The more it's talked about the more complicated it gets. Really there's not much to it. | |
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Couplehood is an illusion.
We can only really be independents. We are born individuals and we die individuals. Individuals need liberty -- and that means free roaming -- to explore the many worlds and experiences new acquaintances hold. If I meet a guy and it's fire (!) and we're really in sync and suddenly it's inspiring us to new heights in our lives, happiness and productivity -- I WILL Angelina Jolie him.
I'm not talking booty call. I'm talking mistress level, soulmate-bond. I think some people need lots of stimulation. Rarely can one person provide the conversation, energy, connection one needs in all areas from art to philosophy to romance,etc. In many relationships people stunt their growth and stagnate all in the name of monogamous love (cough, being held hostage). Sometimes multiple bonds are necessary just to remain mentally stimulated and fulfilled in every way possible. That doesn't mean the anchor relationship has to die or be ignored. I DO believe it's possible to LOVE two people at once. And it might be very fulfilling and peaceful...for all parties. Relationships must be flexible enough to serve the individual. | |
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WillyWonka said: reneGade20 said: The voice of experience speaks....
Though there are plenty of people who will come up with truisms as to the whys and the how could yous, the bottom line in most cases is simply opportunity. Its the age old question...if you can get away with it, would you do it? I and many in (and out) of my circle have strayed...while you're doing it, you deal with the inherent guilt that is born of such a selfish pursuit, but you tend to get wrapped up in your own insulation of justifications....in my case, I built up this fortress of excuses that in the end was reduced beyond rubble when I finally had to face the music for my actions....and had to deal with the emotional damage that I'd caused for my wife. It will be a lifelong pursuit to repair that damage and to reforge the bond, but I know in no uncertain terms that, when its all laid out for inspection, that it isn't worth the hassle of having to fix all the damage for some brief moments of sampling the grass on the other side. I disagree to an extent with the assertion that infidelity is an inability to handle commitment....it certainly is a major factor, but its not the defining one. No, infidelity IMHO is mostly borne of the idea of "Is this it? Is this all there is?", a concept that once the shine is off of your own bond, its a lot easier to play in another yard than to maintain and improve the one you're already in....or in some cases, when the "other" is one from your premarriage past, the concept becomes "Did I miss out?". And without fail, you tend to find that you didn't miss out on a damned thing, that it was a ghost better left in the past... Again, its a condition of humanity....wanderlust....that will live on much longer after we're gone...the reality is that the significant majority of us, no matter how devout or high-horsey we are, will experience it in some way or another....whether it is in thought only or in action as well.... just my 2 cents..... 
[Edited 2/17/07 11:36am] A wise post. ditto. excellent post. | |
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Also, I want to emphasize that I don't think people should just cavalierly go around cheating.
My support for polyamourous living comes from the belief that you can cross paths with multiple soul mates over the years. Even if you're not trying. And those relationships don't have to be evil, sleezy bonds. Sometimes you can just fall in love with another person and complicate matters -- as Babyface and Pebbles observed during the 80s in one of my favorite songs "Love Makes Things Happen." BABYFACE LYRICS
"Love Makes Things Happen" Deep in the heart Love has many ways Of touching your emotions Taking control of you And even in thought Love can make you change There's no way of controlling love When it's part of you Well you could be a married man With two kids and a good woman And you could give your heart and soul I swear it don't mean nothin' 'Cause love can pull you deep into a spell It will spin your mind around like a carousel I'm telling you love Boy makes things happen You never know where it's coming from You never know who you're gonna love I'm telling you love makes things happen You never know what you're gonna do When ever true love takes hold of you There's never a time 'Cause love will let you know Love appears at the worst and even the best of times Takes over your mind Your heart is not your own There's no way of controlling love It controls your life Well you could be a faithful girl With a good heart and good intentions And you could never leave your home I swear there ain't no preventions 'Cause love can pull you deep into a spell It will spin your mind around like a carousel [HOOK] There's nothing love can't make you do When love takes hold of you You can have the purest heart And the finest attitude But I swear that don't mean nothin' When your heart's under the spell It will spin your mind around like a carousel I'm telling you love Makes things happen You never know where it's coming from You never know who you're gonna love I'm telling you love makes things happen You never know what you're gonna do When ever true love takes hold of you You never know You never know it You never know You're never gonna know it Who you're gonna love Who you're gonna love - baby You never know You never know it You never know You're never gonna know it Who you're gonna know - it You never know You never know it You never know You never, never, never, never, never know No, no, no, no You never know You never know You never know it You never know You never, never, never, never, never know No, no, no, no You never know You never know You never know it You never know You never, never, never, never, never know No, no, no, no You never know It's sort of sad, but it's the truth. . . . (edited to change "polygamous" to "polyamourous") [Edited 2/17/07 18:43pm] | |
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SynthiaRose said: Also, I want to emphasize that I don't think people should just cavalierly go around cheating.
My support for polyamourous living comes from the belief that you can cross paths with multiple soul mates over the years. Even if you're not trying. And those relationships don't have to be evil, sleezy bonds. Sometimes you can just fall in love with another person and complicate matters -- as Babyface and Pebbles observed during the 80s in one of my favorite songs "Love Makes Things Happen." BABYFACE LYRICS
"Love Makes Things Happen" Deep in the heart Love has many ways Of touching your emotions Taking control of you And even in thought Love can make you change There's no way of controlling love When it's part of you Well you could be a married man With two kids and a good woman And you could give your heart and soul I swear it don't mean nothin' 'Cause love can pull you deep into a spell It will spin your mind around like a carousel I'm telling you love Boy makes things happen You never know where it's coming from You never know who you're gonna love I'm telling you love makes things happen You never know what you're gonna do When ever true love takes hold of you There's never a time 'Cause love will let you know Love appears at the worst and even the best of times Takes over your mind Your heart is not your own There's no way of controlling love It controls your life Well you could be a faithful girl With a good heart and good intentions And you could never leave your home I swear there ain't no preventions 'Cause love can pull you deep into a spell It will spin your mind around like a carousel [HOOK] There's nothing love can't make you do When love takes hold of you You can have the purest heart And the finest attitude But I swear that don't mean nothin' When your heart's under the spell It will spin your mind around like a carousel I'm telling you love Makes things happen You never know where it's coming from You never know who you're gonna love I'm telling you love makes things happen You never know what you're gonna do When ever true love takes hold of you You never know You never know it You never know You're never gonna know it Who you're gonna love Who you're gonna love - baby You never know You never know it You never know You're never gonna know it Who you're gonna know - it You never know You never know it You never know You never, never, never, never, never know No, no, no, no You never know You never know You never know it You never know You never, never, never, never, never know No, no, no, no You never know You never know You never know it You never know You never, never, never, never, never know No, no, no, no You never know It's sort of sad, but it's the truth. . . . (edited to change "polygamous" to "polyamourous") [Edited 2/17/07 18:43pm] agreed, but... still doesn't make it right. | |
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I've never cheated and I honestly do not really understand how people can do it.
I know what it feels like to be cheated on and I just couldn't hurt someone like that. | |
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Adultery stinks. I would have been married now, had it not been for cheating. Carpenters bend wood, fletchers bend arrows, wise men fashion themselves.
Don't Talk About It, Be About It! | |
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I've been cheated on and I have been a person with whom someone has cheated. I'm not exactly proud of it, but I refuse to believe I am a horrible person for it because I did not set out for it to happen. We can all say that we would never do such a thing, I know I did, but it happened anyway. I will say that I do regret it because I lowered myself in a misguided attempt to feel wanted and/or needed. | |
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Walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you judge... | |
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SynthiaRose said: Couplehood is an illusion.
We can only really be independents. We are born individuals and we die individuals. Individuals need liberty -- and that means free roaming -- to explore the many worlds and experiences new acquaintances hold. If I meet a guy and it's fire (!) and we're really in sync and suddenly it's inspiring us to new heights in our lives, happiness and productivity -- I WILL Angelina Jolie him.
I'm not talking booty call. I'm talking mistress level, soulmate-bond. I think some people need lots of stimulation. Rarely can one person provide the conversation, energy, connection one needs in all areas from art to philosophy to romance,etc. In many relationships people stunt their growth and stagnate all in the name of monogamous love (cough, being held hostage). Sometimes multiple bonds are necessary just to remain mentally stimulated and fulfilled in every way possible. That doesn't mean the anchor relationship has to die or be ignored. I DO believe it's possible to LOVE two people at once. And it might be very fulfilling and peaceful...for all parties. Relationships must be flexible enough to serve the individual. I see what you're saying, but people who need more flexibility probably shouldn't get married. If they know they can't commit to just one person, why bother entering into a marriage that will be riddled with adultery? I guess one way to prevent breaking a vow is to not have one in the first place. Wanna hear me sing?  www.ChampagneHoneybee.com | |
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No..... Adultery is wrong... When my married and I settled in our thought process was agreed upon that if ever we felt for another.. we would declare divorce before deception.... it hurt like hell but I did... I guess at that time I felt I honored a contract and did what was best.... Here and now I don't know but I know I did what I felt what was best... ( that simplifies what is a vastly complicated matter )
To any end, I do not know what I did was best but proper. Never drag another soul through your shit. ( Nor multiple souls... ) I found myself making decisions that were not good for the long haul of those involved... therefore I went celibate 3 years ago this January... my Sig tells the rest.... You decide.... To any end here I am and I digress NO adultery is not right for any soul... it is about you and lacks merit for the soul you will effect.... and the courage to step away and reconfigure before you go in and fuck up the soul you choose to use to pull you out of your present demise and the disregard for what you really want... | |
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I think it's excusable if you are really drunk.
| |
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fathermcmeekle said: I think it's excusable if you are really drunk.
Pheew. That really helps me with a past situation I had when I was 16. Thanks father. | |
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novabrkr said: fathermcmeekle said: I think it's excusable if you are really drunk.
Pheew. That really helps me with a past situation I had when I was 16. Thanks father. You're welcome! | |
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fathermcmeekle said: I think it's excusable if you are really drunk.
So drunkeness means absolution for everything???? | |
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fathermcmeekle said: I think it's excusable if you are really drunk.
 | |
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Funny it's called adultery, cos it's not adults that do it. Silly Women-girls and man-childs. U gotta fuck it up...don't U! | |
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IrresistibleB1tch said: fathermcmeekle said: I think it's excusable if you are really drunk.
Fancy a beer?  | |
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SynthiaRose said: Couplehood is an illusion.
We can only really be independents. We are born individuals and we die individuals. Individuals need liberty -- and that means free roaming -- to explore the many worlds and experiences new acquaintances hold. If I meet a guy and it's fire (!) and we're really in sync and suddenly it's inspiring us to new heights in our lives, happiness and productivity -- I WILL Angelina Jolie him.
I'm not talking booty call. I'm talking mistress level, soulmate-bond. I think some people need lots of stimulation. Rarely can one person provide the conversation, energy, connection one needs in all areas from art to philosophy to romance,etc. In many relationships people stunt their growth and stagnate all in the name of monogamous love (cough, being held hostage). Sometimes multiple bonds are necessary just to remain mentally stimulated and fulfilled in every way possible. That doesn't mean the anchor relationship has to die or be ignored. I DO believe it's possible to LOVE two people at once. And it might be very fulfilling and peaceful...for all parties. Relationships must be flexible enough to serve the individual. This is a very healthy attitude. I've seen people I care about slowly and painfully destroyed, spiritually and emotionally. Trying to stay "true" 2 a ridiculous, out-dated religious/political concept. Feelings can be difficult to handle, holding too tight a grip is to imprison oneself. Marrying, as marriage is now, is surely an irresponsible act. | |
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xplnyrslf said: fathermcmeekle said: I think it's excusable if you are really drunk.
So drunkeness means absolution for everything???? ~laughs~ how well do you know fathermcmeekle xplnyrslf ? | |
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