By now, many of you know about Fang, the pesky basset hound that my brother (GangstaFam) and I have mentioned. He has brought us a lot of laughs but also has been a bit of an odd fit in the family. A while ago, my Mom was feeling depressed, so I wrote her a story. I finally opened up a photobucket account so I can share the story with you. So, without further ado:

HOW A BASSET CAN BE A HOUND

A long, long time ago, in order to join the great legion of dogs, a breed had to choose a category in order to apply. You see, this was long before the current tolerant atmosphere of acceptance had taken root. Simply put, a retriever had to be a retriever, a terrier had to be a terrier and so on. There was no “other” category. Each breed wanting to be considered for inclusion had to submit an application for review.

DOG APPLICATION

What type of dog do you wish to be?

○ Retriever/Sporting
○ Worker
○ Toy
○ Herder
○ Hound





The bassets were a rather peculiar type, but they wanted the luxury of being officially licensed in the great legion of dogs. However, not being the most… intelligent of dogs, they weren’t quite sure how to fill out the application. The bassets thus decided to look into each group to see which one best fit. Their leader, the noble Sir Fang Oliver, agreed that it was a good idea. Why Sir Fang Oliver was chosen as their leader is anyone’s guess, but as I said, bassets aren’t the most intelligent of dogs.

First up was the retriever/sporting category. On the application, the requirements for the sporting category state that the sporting dog must excel at swimming, retrieving objects and maintain a high energy level.



The bassets decided to give it a try and headed to the lake. As you may know, bassets aren’t the most adept swimmers. Try as they might, the bassets couldn’t manage to stay afloat, nearly drowning in the process.



The bassets also tried their hand at retrieving things, but in spite of their ability to find the desired objects, they couldn’t resist the urge to steal and hide them.



Oh, and as for the high energy level…



The bassets just couldn’t seem to stay active for very long.

The bassets turned to Sir Fang to see his ruling…


























Sir Fang just stared off into the distance, blankly.







Next up was the working dog category. Requirements for this particular category include a strong, hearty build for pulling sleds, guarding property and performing water rescues.

Now, you and I already know that water rescues are out of the question for bassets, but the bassets tried swimming again anyway. You see, bassets aren’t the most intelligent of dogs. Again, they plopped and squirmed and convulsed trying to stay afloat, but to no avail.

They decided to try to train for the more physically demanding tasks of working dogs, but…



They kept falling asleep on the job! Silly bassets!

Again, the bassets turned to their leader, Sir Fang Oliver, to determine the status of the working group application…


























Sir Fang just stared off into the distance, blankly.








Next up was the Toy group. Requirements for the toy group included a penchant for sitting in people’s laps and the ability to perform an assortment of entertaining tricks.

The bassets thought they would be great at sitting in people’s laps, particularly on couches. The people, however, had a different idea…



And try as they might to perform tricks, the bassets simply couldn’t learn them very well. Actually, they couldn’t learn them at all. As I said, bassets aren’t the most intelligent of dogs.



Once again, the bassets turned to Sir Fang for wisdom about the Toy group application.


























Sir Fang just stared off into the distance, blankly.








Next up came the Herding group. The requirements for this category stipulated that a herding dog required a lot of intelligence to learn commands and to shepherd other animals.

Now, you and I know that the intelligence requirement outrules the bassets from consideration for the Herding group, but that is because you and I aren’t dumb like bassets. They’re not the most intelligent of dogs.



And when it came to working with other animals… Well, the bassets couldn’t overcome their innate inferiority complexes. You see, bassets HATE any other creature that has the nerve to be smaller than a basset.



And yet again, they had trouble staying awake on the job.



Once again, the bassets sought the wisdom of the highly esteemed Sir Fang Oliver to deliberate on the status of the Herding group application.


























Sir Fang just stared off into the distance, blankly.








The bassets were beginning to worry that they may not have what it takes to qualify for the great legion of dogs. However, bassets are nothing if not hopeful. They then came to the last group on the application- the hounds. Requirements for the hound category included an inherent hatred for small animals, the ability to sound to acknowledge the presence of these animals, and an otherwise goofy demeanor.

If there’s one thing that bassets hate, it’s smaller animals, such as the muskrat.



Bassets also hate squirrels.



As for the ability to sound, the bassets knew they were up to the task. If there’s one thing bassets know (and they don’t know a lot), it’s how to howl.



And the goofy demeanor? The bassets have that down pat!







Confidently, the bassets turned to Sir Fang for his sage advice about the hound category.



















“ROOOOO,” rooed Fang!

“ROOOOO,” rooed the bassets!



The bassets quickly submitted their application to be known as basset HOUNDS. The great legion of dogs deliberated a long time on the matter. While they noted the many shortcomings of bassets, they took pity on them, as hounds are pretty much all they could be.

Oh yeah, and the other hounds agreed that they could all feel better about themselves knowing they were all smarter than the bassets.

The legion sent out notice welcoming the bassets into the dog fraternity as basset hounds. The bassets rejoiced in the apROOval and had a party to celebrate.



And thus it is, was, and always will be that a basset is irrevocably, unmistakably and irreversibly a hound.

Cute, I like it.

AWWWW!

One of my friends has a basset (his name is Speed Bump -- Speedy for short ) and when he was a puppy he would step on his own ears

I love Bassets
[Edited 2/9/07 6:38am]

I can't wait til you have kids!

2the9s said:

Why?

applekisses said:

Bassets are awesome! Fang steps on his ears too, and he's an adult!

I LOVE bassets... my parents have one...
[Edited 2/9/07 4:12am]

we used to live next to one called Claude

when he barked the sound reverberated around in his skull and made him sneeze. EVERY time.

but one day he bit our beagle

Adorable, Ian!

Frank!!!

ZombieKitten said:

IrresistibleB1tch said:

lol. we have an old lady in the neighbourhood and she's got this
ancient basset. when you see them walking together it's like you
hit "slow motion" on the dvd player



one time she was stranded with him just like the girl so i kinda
helped her out and carried the dog home for her. the bugger just
went to sleep in my arms

IstenSzek said:

and those stinkers weigh a ton, too... i know the lady truly appreciated your help!

IrresistibleB1tch said:

That definitely sounds like Fang!

Stymie said:

He wuvs you!

IrresistibleB1tch said:

lol, indeed. they already look so heavy but when you lift them,
god they weigh a ton indeed. i was like: "what did he have for
breakfast? cement?"

Moonbeam said:

And I wuv him. I miss him lots.

IstenSzek said:

How freaking cute! The people across the street from us used to have a basset hound. I love their paws too and yes "aroooohhh!" is a great way of describing their "bark", LOL.

Our beagle is way overweight, and when you try to pick her up, she plops her butt down. I don't know what it is, but it's damn near impossible to pick her up when she does that.

IstenSzek said:

They're dense in 2 ways.

Moonbeam said:

lol, but they make up for it by being the way they are,
which is endearing and adorable (well to me anyway )

IstenSzek said:

Me too. I have a great love of bassets!

Moonbeam said:

Cause that was really sweet.

How did this basset become a hound?



This our human version of Fang right?!

Diva said:

Hey this guy hasn't seen a baht in a long time

Oh no!

Cute. Brilliant.

GangstaFam said:

You know you love it.

Is this thread about me?