The Good Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the
party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he
sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean
and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind.
You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the
hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect
order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting
for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"



Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time...PRICELESS!!

A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions"
to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most
riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He
pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what
your *ss hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied,
"Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

x2 !!!!

A guy walks into the kitchen with a pig under his arm, where his wife is doing the dishes. He says "this the pig I've been fucking." His wife says "I don't care what you do in your spare time." He says "I was talking to the pig."

Two drunk as fuck students stumbling in the road late one night after a heavy party. As a concerned cop drives closer to the two reprobates he notices one has a finger poked in the other's ass, the recipient of the digit looking quite nauseous, albeit, in their drunken state.

Cop say, "What are you doing!?" "I'm trying to make my friend sick, Officer, but it's difficult. They've had too much to drink", say the one with the probing finger. Cops replies, "Not like that you won't!"

The student giggles," I know. But they will when I now put my finger in thier mouth."


Not sure if I told that right
Shit