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Printableretina said: .
Which way do you usually prefer to be handled? Which way do you usually handle others? .  that is such a personal question
okay,okay mind out of the gutter! | |
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Christopher said: retina said: .
Which way do you usually prefer to be handled? Which way do you usually handle others? . that is such a personal question
okay,okay mind out of the gutter! well you may as well answer it!  | |
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novabrkr said: JustErin said: Huh?
You know how when people have been first trying to speak about their problems to someone else finally tend to say something like, "words really can't describe how I feel"? Well, they are right. Words can't describe how they feel. Yet they keep on talking anyway - and they should. No matter how much time it takes, hopefully in the process they will come to understand how little what you are attempting to say really means and how little it has to do with what we really want in our lives. Only then you are allowing yourself to continue with your life to any satisfying degree. Another alternative is what some of my good friends used to tell me back in the day when I was wallowing in my never-ending misery - "Jari, you just need a good fuck to get over it". Well, they were right. Cause you know, that's just what I really wanted no matter how hard I was trying to rationalize the problems in my head. It's not the perfect cure, but then again it's pretty outdated to believe in a cure anyway. I'll leave that to the religious people. Oh sorry, I didn't actually read your first response as I just can't seem to bring myself to read paragraph long (or two or three) responses. But this response was a good one and I actually did read it. | |
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novabrkr said: This is why the "female way" you described up there is the better one, because most males do not have the slightest clue what they are attempting to rationalize (I would also say that the "male way" of handling things is what causes most problems in the world anyway, but let's not get into that). If you're not getting to the structures themselves any practical solution given by another person to you is just futile and ultimately leads to more discomfort. This is because the solutions really are always analogous to the problems themselves (i.e. "you need to find a position for yourself at your workplace that suits you better" or "forget about her, there are a million other women in the world who are better-looking and more intelligent than her"), they are exactly the same things under a different name than what caused the emotional stress. And in simpler terms, that is because those solutions are always forced and do not cover half of what either person participating in the discussion is really thinking inside their heads. I agree that they're often forced, but I think some people are better at giving advice than others (and as this thread has proven, some people are more susceptible to advice than others) so I wouldn't discount the "male method" altogether. Good advice usually springs from real empathy and ability to put youself in the other person's shoes, but as you implied the danger with this could be that you get as locked into the problem as they are and only offer solutions within the framework that they've given you. That's why it's good to make use of your outside perspective too, which, like I said, some people are quite talented at. Language doesn't exist merely for communication, it also exists for the sake of a gap in communication. And we cannot say out loud what really bothers us, it's an impossibility. This is because the problem exists in a junction of our minds that is not articulatable by normal use of language (which is exactly why many people recognize the "healing power" of poetry).
Again, I'd like to say that some people are better than others at focusing on the real problem, as well as articulating it. Of course language will never be able to convey the full complexity of emotions, but it can still be helpful. Sometimes it's even good to simplify a complicated problem since that makes it more managable. It doesn't enable you to pull out the problem with all its roots, but at least you'll get the trunk and the branches and maybe, just maybe, a root or two as well. Better than nothing. The "female way" is anyway basically the way of the psychoanalytical therapy, where the analyser doesn't really speak half that much and let's the analysand to attempt to understand why he is experiencing the problems. Women are great therapeutists, even just ordinary women, if only on the grounds that they do exactly what our mothers used to do back in our childhoods. My mother had never read Jacques Lacan but she was a far better therapeutist than anyone at the public health care center, who are merely interested in providing ants that are "functional enough" for the society's needs. That's basically the male way at its purest form.
Agreed. | |
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