New topic
PrintableMuse2NOPharaoh said: I want to thank everybody for sharing. The remark hurt me deeply as it is not what I want for me. Although compromise is no deal either. Moms remark is more then likely her way of attempting to accept what she believes is my chosen path rather directly and or indirectly. Which hits me so hard because even I know I need to make a few changes in order to see that which I wish to obtain (as many of you know in long talks)
I treasure the invasions and or more directly the travel and having friends from all around the world. ( I see myself as the luckiest orger of all as I have had the honor of taking what was on my computer screen and merging it with real time. I don't think many thought it realistic but I never had that limitation.... I am most thankful that so many of you to thought it was a worth while endeavor) BUT in order to have that lifestyle, I have forsaken friendships on a local level and have given none of myself to the city I reside in nor any form of community outside of the strong circle I have created outside of here. I have a few friends that have tolerated my indolence but even they are rather fed up with my hijinx. My friendships go way beyond invasion level and lot of the time and energy I have left after kids and career goes into said friends. This is in no way a swan song but it is reaffirming of what I have said in many a wee hour before the dawn to all those closest to me.  See and all some of you thought we did is drink... Well, truth be told.... I am astounded on just how well many of you that have never attended picked up on the heart of the matter rather then what would appear to be the obvious.
I am blessed to have known each one of you and rest assured you have effected my life in ways untold. There simply are not words. Back to point: My mother sees all this and loves it but can't reconcile how I am ever to settle back down in the midst of it. Don't get it twisted, my mom is phenomenal and those of you that have met her know this. She also knows how to toss a zinger in there that hurts like no other. Since she and I have never approached the subject of lifestyle I am sure that was her subtle way of speaking her mind. So all things being equal and such the order of the day remains BALANCE. ...and on that score I am a work in progress with a long way to go. The career has suffered a hit with all my antics too...  Oops!
The thing I m most proud of in life is my mothering skills. My mom is to..... I think it is the one area of humanity I was determined not to fail nor futz up. There is no diminishing that the remark hurt like hell but I have put it in perspective. You're an amazing mother. 
I don't worry about you. I don't fear that you won't have what you want in the end. 'Cause I believe in the goodness of your heart, and the power of that. Try not to let that remark loop in your head.  oh noes, prince is gonna soo me!!1! | |
- E-mail - orgNote -  Report post to moderator |
AsianBomb777 said: Great post Muse. It pains me to say that of course.
Anyways, it begs the question: 1) DO any of you feel as if the inclusion of your "org" life whether it be phone friendships, invasion friendships, and personal hookups whether of a sexual nature or just to visit an org friend, is enough? That is, if you were to never get married, would having a close nit circle of friends here or in real life be enough? Personally, I'm starting to really dislike the idea of marriage, having witnessed it so unsuccessfully in friends and family myself. I don't think supplementing the family nuclease with other forms of relationships is a bad option. Though, I'm not sure if works. 2) What is the path and life you think you *should* be on? For me? I don't know anymore. 1) it's a tricky one to answer, because i find a lot of my org friendships blurring into "real" friendships that have little to nothing to do with the org anymore. the only birthmark the org leaves behind on these friendships is the matter of distance - most of the people i feel closest to right now live in other states. most of my closest friends pre-org live in other states, so i'm kind of used to it. i'd like to have a close network of friends in chicago, but i feel like it's really hard to forge new friendships in this city unless you've lived here all your life. so. in my case, if i'm not gonna find what i need nearby, why would i discount what i have from afar? the people i've met via the org are a unique bunch. they're not easily classifiable. it's not like, "oh, she's punk and he's goth and she's just an r&b head and he's a fussy label queen gay guy and that pretty much sums up everyone." NO! the people i've come to know through here are so diverse. even within the individual are diverse interests and sensibilities. i love that. another similarity that was brought to my attention is that everyone i've met via the org is very independent. i've met people who LIKE being in a group of people but who, on a day to day basis, operate quite well individually and seem to have an appreciation for some regular thread of solitude in life. these are qualities i really - REALLY - admire and look for in people. in friends, partners, whatever. perhaps it's no coincidence that it takes a destination on the web to bring like-minded people together and initiate friendships among people who have similar ways of living? i dunno. maybe meeting new friends from all over the place via a little box that lives in my apartment is the beginning of a social evolution which will grow into something our generation can't even imagine. dunno. i guess with friendships, the means don't matter as much to me as the end product. what are my friendships based on? what is necessary for someone to be close to me? what do i need from another person in order to be close with them? what understandings are essential? i mean, i think about these things. they're important. maybe through meeting people via this little box, i've come to take for granted that the answers to my questions present themselves with every person i start orgnoting or following around in threads on here. it's a different way of bonding, of playing "getting to know you". i think it's utterly valid, all things in perspective. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Muse2NOPharaoh said: So my mom calls and rather randomly says, so do you think you will marry again? I don't think so, ( after I had already said yeah thats the plan) I think you will be a bachlorette for life.
As it is not what I want that cut like a knife through the heart. What have people said out of nowhere to you that did harm? But there is nothing wrong with being a Bachlorette for life. Don't worry about it. My mother has said to me "when are you gonna married and settle down. I want grandkids before a die". I told it's not likely gonna happen and i get a guilt trip. But i just try not to worry about it. . [Edited 11/30/06 22:41pm] | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Look on the bright side. The whole "Mothers know best" thing is a myth. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |