Several threads and their posts inspired this thread.....

I'm thinking of how I quit smoking about 6 yrs ago (was a hardcore smoker--pack and a half per day of Camel Lights, more if I went to the bar). I was also thinking about several periods of time when I gained weight, then lost it and was exercising, eating right, looking mighty fine.

I realized that during my non-smoking, thin times, I still had a great deal of compassion and awareness of those who still smoked and were still overweight. In my mind and heart, I still felt like that overweight smoker. I found myself puzzled when I'd encounter some self-righteous ex-smoker/fattie/whatever lecturing somone about how they needed to just stop. I'd sit there and think, "jeez, weren't you in this same position not long ago and weren't you already so full of self-loathing about it that you didn't need anyone else's crap? Don't you remember your own journey and that no one else could make you change, except yourself?"

I also realized, from watching others go through some of the same stuff, that we don't all "reform" or quit bad habits with the same ease; I"m firmly convinced that some of us become more physically and/or psychologically addicted to certain substances than others, and that for some, it can be very easy to adopt new behaviors.

I've known some of the more "social smokers" or drinkers who just up and decide one day to quit their habit--and they quit at the drop of a hat, or limit themselves to a few per week. And it's not because they have more "willpower", Jeebus knows some of the most willful, strong, successful, driven people in the world still have something they can't quite conquer.

Ok, end of (long) thought. Here's the question:

If there's something you've conquered, are you able to have some compassion about it when you see others struggling with it? Do you think your own story of how you changed gives you incentive to judge others?

AnotherLoverToo said:

I don't judge others (well, not in this area anyway ), but I will fully admit I have become a preachy ex-smoker. Hey: if it saves one of my friends' lives (or saves them from a tracheotomy) it'll be worth it.

i intend on quitting smoking very soon...it's not like i smoke a whole lot now on a day-to-day basis, but it would be nice to cut it out altogether, if only to get rid of the stink factor and to save some money.

if i quit, i really hope i don't become a nazi non-smoker. i think they're a-holes, and i don't think shaming or condescending acts of moral indignation are successful ways of making converts out of smokers.

when i first stopped eating meat, i was a nazi vegetarian for a while. but i was, like, 18 years old. now i just accept whatever someone chooses for their diet, and if they want pointers on how to be veggie, i'm happy to share. if not, i won't push it. it's more about my commitment than it is about changing the world.

and i find an attitude of non-judgement where i live as sort of a silent example of how something CAN work is a better way of influencing change than trying to be a coersive jerkface about it.
[Edited 11/29/06 12:32pm]

Ugh, the self righteous X smokers are thee WORST!!!!!

I have compassion for smokers even after I quit. Cuz I remember how important that next cig is, and I would never knock anyone for having a smoke. Quitting is like the hardest thing I ever did, and I know it's not for everyone. If ya wanna smoke, then smoke. I'll say this though. I didn't realize just how bad it reaks till after I quit. EW!!!!

I have compassion for overweight people too. I've never been OVER weight but I've been heavier at times and had to drop like 20 or 40 lbs. And I know thats hard work too. REALLY hard work. I do however, get extremely irritated by people who bitch about being fat, but are at McDonalds like every other day.

Like, its easy, if ya wanna lose some weight, stop eating.

Anx said:

It's the height of hypocrisy. I have been nagging LleeLlee mercilessly to quit, but I would never take the shaming or condescending approach.

I don't care what anyone does as long as it isnt harming other persons or the environment. The only thing that pisses me off is people who like playing victim enlight of them doing as they wish.

Ace said:

I DO very much think that society making it more difficult to smoke via public bans, price hikes, etc. has been very effective. On the other hand, just being told it's "bad" for me (like I didn't already know the health risks--every smoker does, DUH) doesn't do much to really get someone to quit.

I always recommend the scarf and barf method
for people who'd like to lose some weight.

Anx said:

But what about when you chew on some man meat? Doesn't it make you remember when you swallowed it? Isn't that hard on you?

SpisaRibb said:

In all seriousness.
(I KNOW I'm gonna get such a rack of shit for this)

But like, as long as you don't do it ALL the time, I don't see a problem with it once in a while.

Say like, if ya just eat to much one nite, and wanna get rid of some of it. I don't think theres any harm in that.

Just not all the time.

luv4all7 said:

But studies have shown that for most seriously overweight people, it really isnt' just about food. It's about an underlying psychological issue. I mean, not that someone is nuts, but that the food is an underlying symptom of something else. Ex: insecurity, fear of intimacy and relationships.....

I used to drink, now I don't.
I used to smoke, now I don't.
I used to do marijuana, now I don't.
I used to eat meat, now I don't.

I don't really tell anyone about any of those things unless I'm asked or unless people make assumptions about me.

I think I must have an addictive personality as my current drug of choice is food ... I do need to lose weight but I think weight loss is more difficult to give up than the other addictions as you still need to eat to stay alive.

I feel sorry for anyone who's addicted to any substance. I smoked and drank to fit in with peer groups, I guess, and eating meat was something I stopped as soon as I was able to equate my thoughts on animal welfare with my responsibilities as a human responsible for their suffering. But I understand that others turn to drink and drugs for other reasons, sometimes really complex and stemming from negative past experiences. I turn to food. I really emphasize with people who have weight problems/food addictions because I understand how complicated the reasons for this type of addiction can be.

None of us are perfect.

luv4all7 said:

Yeah, the smell is not attractive. I wonder how I ever got laid.

I consider myself a "recovering" nicotine addict. I know that if I ever sparked one up, it probably wouldn't take me very much to get hooked again. I would think it's the same as being a "recovering" alcoholic (i.e. you can't have "just one").

...Oh...and by the way: Hi, ALT!

Yes. My weight. And I feel both compassionate and loathing towards heavily overweight people as a result. I never pressure them though - once they take the first step I provide the encouragement.

oh, and weight is a whole nother subject...i was a fat kid so i know what it's like, especially in a mercy-free zone like public school. i started slimming down in high school, and getting a little slimmer after i went veg, then slimmer still as i got older and quit drinking sodas with sugar and even slimmer when i started working out. i feel like an archaeologist and my body is a freakin' ancient dig, cuz i keep blasting away layers of myself.

but i've never done a crash diet, never fasted, never deprived myself of nutrition, never done anything extreme. i just try every now and then to up the quality of care i give myself. often it yields positive results.

everyone has a totally different body with totally different plumbing. i can't say what works for me is good for someone else. i also don't think people can make judgments about other people's bodies without knowing how those people's bodies work. and i mean things like metabolism, glandular issues, disorders and diseases, genetics, things like that. and some people really ARE just big-boneded.

all that matters to me is that someone pays attention to their health and takes an active interest in eating somewhat well, keeping somewhat active, all that kind of good stuff. six pack abs can suck it.

Ace said:

Hi carrie



Ace, You've been very considerate about it, touching. I really felt moved by some of the things you said. I know you dont want me telling how your're this sweet guy, but you are

Ace said:

I totally feel the same way!! In the beginning of my quitting smoking, people were asking if I had completely quit or if I had one every once in awhile. I was like, "DUUUUUDE, I can't even tempt myself like that, I really think I only have one quit in me"!

AnotherLoverToo said:

Rite, and if they wanna lose weight, they need to get over it and stop eating.

LleeLlee said:

Spookymuffin said:

I really think that's what's behind the whole "holier than thou" ex-smoker/fattie/etc--seeing our OLD self in someone else, the self we hated, and the fear of becoming it again.

Instead of, or in addition to, empathy it's perhaps easier to go with the disgust.

KaleidoscopicEyes said:

Settle down, Beavis.

luv4all7 said:

just make sure you clean the bowl after your done. No one wants to walk in and see a barf ring in the toilet.

Ace said:

Hey, Studly!

AnotherLoverToo said:

This is at the root of most of that kind of behaviour.

LleeLlee said:

Lleeeeennnnna, my love.

We need to catch up. Orgnote me?

AnotherLoverToo said:

Nice to see you back (and with a bang, I might add - looks like this thread'll be a-flamin' in no time).

luv4all7 said:

Some people have addictive personalities and will not be able to handle that. And there is harm in that your putting strees on yuour stomach and esophagus with all of that acid coiming up the wrong way.

luv4all7 said:

It's true, but not quite that easy.

Just like women in bad marriages just need to "get over it" and leave. Or people who overspend/shop need to "just stop".

AnotherLoverToo said:

I agree. Your rite, it's hard and takes a lot of tries. Just like quitting somking does too.