Beer Drinkers Guide

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and laughs.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.


Courtesy of www.longtononline.co.uk

See, this is why we'll never become a collective being of pure conciousness free of time and dimentional anchors.

Number23 said:

But who wants to be that anyway?

CarrieMpls said:

I know. The unzipped collective energy of all life in our multiverse probably won't be topped off with a tumbling twisting thatch of hair. I needs my , it's ritual. I'm staying in my shell, fuck harmonic convergence.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.

OMG, this has happened to me on more than one occasion.

luv4all7 said:

What? You've been chained to a Bar??? Kinky .....


A bunch of us went out one night on a Workmates birthday and we all got pretty hammered, we were doing tequila slammers, 5 of us in a row on stools.....apparently on our 7th Slammer as we all tipped our heads back to guzzle down the drink we performed a very drunken Mexican wave as one by one we feel off our stools.....

I like it!

pay attention Aksel