7ellusion said:

this is true too. but i just feel that deep down a person's instincts give them the clues, but it doesn't mean that they listen to them.

missfee said:

I agree

God, I would rather spend the rest of my life single than 'settle' for someone.

What an insult to them/yourself!

The way I look at it: I've been single so bloody long, why on earth would I give all that up just for the sake of being with someone? And someone I don't want to be with, at that? Never gonna happen.


I know people who feel like this, however. And I was at Uni with someone who ended up marrying someone simply out of fear of ending up on the 'dusty shelf'. It's all she went on about. Throughout Uni, she was constantly chasing after men (with no success), then - when she graduated - she became a teacher and ended up marrying one of her colleagues. And her reason? Because she felt it was better than nothing, i.e. being single. Not what I'd be looking for in a relationship but there you go.

I think most people do this through due to (a) insecurity and (b) fear of being alone/not being happy in their own company.

Mach said:

Most people settle. Sad fact. I think if you ask most people and they are really honest they will tell you that they did not end up with the person they always wanted the most. Or the person they ended up with as not as good looking as they hoped they would have ended up with.

A handful of my buddies settled. The women they are with women nowhere near as good looking as the ones they always aimed for.

onenitealone said:

Yep!! I'm with u!

1FRO said:

It's just madness! Why would you do that? Unless it was for the reasons already stated.

If I went out with someone and found out years later that they'd only 'settled' for me - that I was 'the best of a bad bunch' - they'd be out on their ass. And I wouldn't disrespect them in the same way either. People are crazy sometimes.

onenitealone said:

With the given understanding that there is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone, what if during that time you grew to love them, you're not in love with them but you do love them? What then...
[Edited 10/12/06 5:55am]

7ellusion said:

Hmmm, that's a tricky one.

It depends on whose standpoint you're talking from - the person who initially settled for 'less'? And ended up loving them? Or the 'lesser' person (I don't mean that literally)?

Sheesh, if I was the 'lesser' person - I hate that term, there's got to be something better than that - I honestly don't know how I'd react. It would probably involve a lot of talking, put it that way. But - if you love someone, you love someone don't you? Hard decision. But I'd expect a bloody good answer.

Let's hope none of us find ourselves in that situation.

onenitealone said:

XxAxX said:

i think sometimes you can look for a partner with your mind instead of with your heart, and sometimes i think this can work for certain people. i think some folks are looking for a domestic arrangement that is more based on a partnership than passion or sex or emotional impulses. you know - someone who's good with money and investments, someone who's interested in the big picture, someone who wants to put effort into buying and maintaining a good home, stuff like that. and these things may be more important than the fact that they turn you on or make you swoon or whatever. but i think this way of choosing a partner can be dangerous, because you still have those needs and could wake up in the morning and look at the person in bed next to you and suddenly think, "WHO THE HELL IS THIS SCHMOE IN MY BED?!!?"

but hey - for some people, i think it's an ideal set-up.

Anx said:

I understand what you are saying.
[Edited 10/12/06 12:57pm]

onenitealone said:

I agree, that would be a hard thing to come to terms with especially if you're the second choice or "what the hell why not choice".

There are just some points that have been made that I don't buy...for instance, if you're the "what the hell why not" choice, how much of it is being minimalized or chosen over....versus being caught up in your own world so much that when said "chosen one" is looking to choose you, "what the hell why not" is looking elsewhere and by said action, convinces "chosen one" move on to other venues?

I totally agree that self-esteem plays a MAJOR role in this....if u value yourself and know in your heart of hearts that you deserve better than "ok, if U insist, then I'll be with U..." then the only thing that U will settle for less for is the varying tastes of mochalattas from different coffee shops...and even then, if u find one that is lacking, will u keep spending ur money there if u know there is BETTER out there?

reneGade20 said:

Okay after re-reading your comment (I don’t know how many F’n times) trying to decipher wtf you said about varying tastes of coffee shops and shit….. what da hell???

7ellusion said:

Ok....real slow now....the coffee shops and shit was a comment to illustrate that if ur shit is together....and U value yourself enough not to settle for relationship scraps.....then the only thing that u may find urself settling for is mediocre coffee.....then I went on to say that even then, would u settle for less knowing there is better being served elsewhere.....
[Edited 10/13/06 6:28am]

Yes....I did the first marriage....won't make the mistake of settling ever again...

Honestly, I don't know a whole hellofalot of people who do...who does? Because mediocre/the second choice is exactly that, you settled for this because of whatever reason, you still want your first choice, the fact that one settled for something else instead doesn't change that. Like the coffee for example, yeah people will drink mediocre complaining about it the whole time...if and when they can get the better, they do. Settling is settling, you make yourself happy with your second choice or at least try to cause sometimes you can't but if you know there's better and one can get it...at some point who wouldn't?
[Edited 10/13/06 9:26am]