Taken from Urban Dictionary



http://www.urbandictionar...sandra+lee

Sandra Lee

AKA: Scamdra Lee, Leetard, Stepford Lee. She is the slutty, annoying host of Semi-Homemade Cooking, a program that uses a less than stellar "philosophy" to create quick and easy meals that end up looking like dog food. Many Lee haters find her revolting because her ex-husband, Bruce Karatz, got her a show on the Food Network due to having the right connections, not because of her culinary talent. Lee also gets made fun of because he is at least 20 years her senior. She is sometimes called Anna Nicole Smith 2.0 because of the relationship. The recipes are somewhat similar to the bullshit Rachael Ray and Robin Miller spit out. She claims that using 70% store-bought products with 30% fresh ingredients will allow anyone to take the credit for an incredible result. While this bitch swears by her 70/30 philosophy, many critics and Lee haters take issue with her unhealthy dependency on such brands as Pillsbury, Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines, and Kraft since many of the products featured are high in calorie content and fat. She is also laughed at because she generally uses a $300 mixer to mix Betty Crocker Cake Mix, and frowns when she has to use a knife instead of a damn Food Processor. This real-life panty stain believes a jar of Cheez Whiz and a package of shredded Mexican cheese is a fondue! You can clearly tell this Carol Brady wannabe is shitting recipes out of her gaping asshole since she has no talent. She also thinks Cool Whip can be called Whipped Cream if you add heavy cream to it. Leetard claims she studied at Le Cordon Bleu, but many online biographies suggest otherwise. It has been said that she studied at an affiliate school in Ottawa, where she frequently fought with one of her instructors before abruptly leaving. Despite what many believe, she does not hold a culinary degree. She is also criticized for the enormous amount of alcohol content in a segment called "Cocktail Time," which often has the blonde blow-up doll (Lee) mixing various juices, nectars, and liqueurs with Vodka, Rum, and Brandy. She says Cocktail Time is her "favorite time of the day," as she can be seen waving the bottles back and forth like a dysfunctional alcoholic in an excited, perky way with her gaunt, sickly arms. The program also features Lee obnoxiously licking mixing spoons covered in Cool Whip and cake batter like a drunken whore in search of a munchie fix. She's also famous for repeating one word twice when describing her dishes. This bottom feeder also admits to stealing recipes or modifying them to make them her "own."

"I'm Sandra Lee, let's get cooking."

"You know, I have been cooking and entertaining for years, the traditional way that my grandma taught me. But, it is a lot of work to get everything done, so I created shorcuts for myself that all my girlfriends loved, and I'm thrilled to be able to share it with you."

"I have been cooking, baking, and entertaining since I was a kid, and I can tell you how to get the most from your grocery store and your pantry. I call it "Semi-Homemade," ; and it's 70% store-bought, ready-made plus 30% fresh ingredients and creative touches. The result - 100% flavorful, fabulous, and fast."

"I stole this from a recipe I found when I was in Jamaica when I was in college. The first night we were there, we stayed - my girlfriend had family that lived there, they had a house. First of all, let me start the recipe. We are gonna put in crushed pineapples. It's crushed pineapples with the juice. And we're gonna put in a cup of Rum and a half cup of Brandy. Well, down there - The Rum, because most Rum, you know, is made down in the Carribean, the Rum packed a much bigger punch than it does here. So, we're drinking these Rum punches on the beach in the sun, like college girls will do, not knowing what they're doing. We just drank way too much and fell asleep literally in our plates at the dinner table with this girl's family. It was very embarrassing. Anyway, so I took the ingredients from the Rum Punch and made with Champagne and of course, American liquors, which are much less potent. I'm simply adding a cup of cherry juice right out of the jar and I have to say: Mr. and Mrs. Chandler, twenty years later I have to apologize to you for my conduct at that dinner. I don't know what I did, but I know I fell asleep and I'm so sorry."

"Mmmm!" "Can I tell you how WONDERFUL this smells?" "This is absolutely GORGEOUS!" "I cannot WAIT to eat this!" "Literally pour this into your cake pan." "easy, easy." "Simple, simple." "Wonderful, wonderful cake batter." "It's cocktail time! *waves bottles* my favorite time of the day!" "Pre-chopped onions make life easier!" "I cannot take credit for this because this is my sister's recipe."

she's obnoxious, but not nearly as bad as that jager-soaked trogladite rachael ray.

Apparently, they don't like Rachael Ray either... LOL

http://www.urbandictionar...achael+ray

Rachael Ray

AKA Raytard, Ray-Ray. The host of 30 Minute Meals on the Food Network. She is by far the most annoying "chef" on t.v. for the following reasons: she learned how to cook at Ho-Jo's,she giggles incessantly, she dumps olive oil and chicken stock onto everything, she claims her food is "healthful" when it actually has loads of fat and calories, her voice soulnds like that of a 5 pack-a-day smoker, she wears unflattering clothing that accentuates her non-boobs and her centaur-like ass/thigh region, she looks like "The Joker" when she smiles, she adds hotdogs to 20% of meals and makes 55% of main courses some sort of hamburger or sammie (sandwich), she uses dumb adjectives to describe food, and she makes up childish nicknames/acronyms because she claims they are quicker to use but she always explains what the nicknames/acronyms mean even if she uses them 10 times per show(so it's a a total waste of time in the first place)

"Hi, I'm Rachael Ray and I make 30 minute disasters. In the time it takes you to laugh your ass off at this program, I'll have made a craptastic and totally artery killing meal which I will try to pass off as healthful from start to finish."
Raytard: "Now, just pour the EVOO-Extra Virgin Olive Oil-into the pan for about 5-15 turns around the pan...Once the EVOO-Extra Virgin Olive Oil-is nice and screaming hot in the pan, add your tasty meatballs"
"See, this butter tastes so nutty when you let it brown for a while!"
"Lemme grab that smoky cumin from the cupboard."
"I'm just gonna throw this crap away in the GB-garbage bowl and then I'm gonna move the GB-garbage bowl- over to the side to give myself some room to work"

rachael ray looks like something you'd find humping a beer keg at a frat party.

Anx said:

LOL!

Anx said:

Angst...i sense alot of hostility here. what's the real issue?

purplerein said:

why do all the women on food network have nauseatingly cute names?

rachael ray
sandra lee
tweedle dum
witchie poo

what the hell?!?

i haven't a clue who either of those women are. the most i know when it comes to television cooks is julia child and justin wilson.

Anx said:

OK...we're getting somewhere here. close your eyes, and focus on the name rachel. think back.....did a rachel hurt you in the past?

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

julia child was The Shit. i watched some dvds of her old show, and she was really entertaining. smart, funny, irreverent, and actually had good tips for cooking. go figure!

Anx said:

my dad used to do this weird little impersonation of her that used to crack me up when i was a kid. and every saturday afternoon he and i would sit and watch justin wilson's show on PBS. he was awesome.

Alton Brown is the man in my humble opinion

dan akroyd as julia child was just too funny..."I think I cut my artery...put the chicken filet on the artery..."

purplerein said:

thing is, the real julia was just about as funny, and it was on purpose! i knew someone who saw her do a demonstration live once, and apparently she cursed like a sailor. what i wouldn't give to hear julia child say "oh shit!"

Anx said:

I saw her interviewed once...she said she almost flunked out of the french cooking school she attended...I'm sorry I don't recall the whole story, but it had to do with studying the wrong recipe for the final exam

The ladies of the Food Network ain't all bad-

Anybody starts talkin shit about Paula Deen or Ina Garten and it' ON

Oh and he's been moved to web only shows now, but i LOVES me some Dave Lieberman

they need ONE vegetarian cooking show on the food network. ONE. put it on at five in the morning, i don't give a shit. but one hour of showing people how to make yummy veg dishes among a whole damn week of meat and candy ain't gonna shut down the food network!

Anx said:

they don't have any vegetarian cooking shows? wtf?! i thought they'd at least have one...

eleven said:

Dave Lieberman is web only now?! That sucks, cuz he's hot as hell. I like his show too.

I've warmed up to Ina Garten. I used to think she was a pretentious Martha Stewart wannabe. But Martha's just a tool who recites recipes on camera that other people put together, Ina really can cook and come up with her own recipes. Plus she's always inviting her gay friends over for lunch and dinner.

Paula Deen pops out some nice looking sons, but she's starting to go mildly insane. A couple weeks ago, she was doing a cooking show in her pajamas with no makeup on, it wasn't pretty, LOL. Just watching her facial expressions when she's talking it seems like a few of her circuits are fried.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

nope, none. zip.


i think if they tried to start one, emeril would melt like the wicked witch.

Tom said:

I don't know why they transfered Dave L. off the air and on to the web, but so long as I can drool over him somewhere, it's all good. You should check it out- he's a lot more relaxed and there's even one episode of him gettin outta bed in his underwear!!!

I love Ina cuz you know whatever she's making must be fan-fuckin-tastic. Bitch puts heavy cream and butter in everything! Love her!! Look for the episode where she makes rice pudding

Paula, well, you're right about her, but I have a soft spot for crazies. And I love that she's genuine about her love for food. She recently had a show where she went to Paris and she got so worked up over some chicken that a guy was cooking in an outdoor market that I seriously thought she was gonna drop trou throw her legs in the air- good chicken makes paula horny- god bless her (and her cute sons)!

Yes, I am a food network whore.
[Edited 9/29/06 8:10am]

Anx said:

Whaddyatalkin about?? MOST of the shows are meat-free...usually just chicken and fish. That's vegetarian, isn't it?

eleven said:

depending on who is defining Himself that way, of COURSE it's vegetarian! :brownlipstick:

Anx said:

I love FoodTV and I refuse to hear any of yous negative bitter rants

start your own damn veggie show!

Anx said:

My mom hates her...she thinks she's too mannish...she just annoys the fuck out of me...that comment about her having no boobs and centaur haunches is hilarious!

purplerein said:

He is awesome...

So is Giada DeLaurentis, Ina Garten, Paula Dean...and I miss the Two Fat Ladies terribly. They were so fantastic...smart...witty...and full of joy.

applekisses said:

I'm crushed!

Shorty said:

these two were good when they were on the original food network..