Mazurack said:

No. I can't read. I've got org syndrome. I don't read posts over 2-3 lines long.

Mazurack said:

My son found himself in a similar situation twice.
Once in Middle School and then again last year in High School.

Each time the same technique kept him from facing the same problem again at that particular school.

Without going into specifics, he was put in a position where a bully made the 1st move and in each instance my son dropped him with one blow.
He's an easy going kid and doesn't go around looking for fights but he has been taught how to defend himself.

The moral of the story is that once the word got around that he would fight back he never got challenged again.

Bullies are all the same. Bully 101: Pick on the kid they know won't fight back.
It doesn't matter if the kid that's challenged loses the fight, if a bully knows he'll at least fight back he'll move on to someone who won't.

Sad but true.

tA

Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431

Let your son know that it's alright to defend himself... punch back... Kudos to your son for not participating in crap that he doesn't like though, and not giving in to peer pressure...

Does it really not bother your son? Maybe the other kid is just throws wimpy punches... Is he worried things will get worse if he fights back?

Important thing is that he keeps his self-confidence...

theAudience said:

This is so true

I agree with theAudience.

At least when I was picked on, I was able to "fight back" by just going to the administration and getting the bully in trouble with his parents and the school.

btw, Reported!

coolcat said:

Thank you TheAudience... that is so true and that is what I am hoping will happen here!

CoolCat: He claims it doesn't bother him. He doesn't come home and offer this information to me. I ask. Maybe I shouldn't. I ask him the following: Did it hurt? How hard did he hit you? What happened before he hit you? After? Does it hurt your feelings? Did you cry? You get the idea... he just shrugs and says, "he's probably just goofin' around like they do, ya know?"

Apparently, what happened today is the kid got mad because a mutual friend of theirs was coming home from school with my son today to play for a few hours and then the kid proceeded to lightly back-hand him in the back and when he got no response from Colin he then punched him in the back. The other times there didn't seem to be anything leading up to it.

As for him fighting back, the only thing he is worried about is getting in trouble at school for hitting the kid. I told him I'd take care of that and not to worry.

Mazurack said:

I think you've done everything right. Hope everything turns out fine. for you and your son.

coolcat said:

Thank you. I'll post an update if anything happens tomorrow.

Mazurack said:

Rule of thumb...everyone is entitled to defend themself. You don't have to stand there and take it. The school also has a responsibility to protect students from bullies and the like. The problem I always had with my kids is getting the "straight story". There ends up being additions. Just to warn you.

I had the same problem when I was in fourth grade. My father told me that if the kid ever hit you again to hit him in the face as many times as you can until he goes down then get on top of him and keep hitting until someone pulls you off of him. I did and nobody ever picked a fight with me again until I joined the Army.

Oh good god I can't believe what I am reading! I thought the org was full of flower power piece loving folk!

Defend, means exactly that, protect yourself from attack, and in this situation the best form of defence is not attack back.

Just tell your son to confront the other lad and ask him to "stop punching me in the back, if you want to punch me, come at me from the front, but don't be surprised if I hit you back. At least give me the choice, chicken shit.

If it is just play fighting (I dunno how old 4th grade is) then teach him how to dead leg, or dead arm this other lad.

I've taught my son the exact same thing Heather. Never is it okay to go looking for trouble, but if someone is continually abusing them, kick the living shit out of them. However, I grew up a little different than most, so I understand why some people don't agree with that.

Believe it or not, he's had to do just that, and you know what? Those kids have never bothered him since.

Hey love!

He really does need to defend himself..

THe bully will keep on doing it, if he doesn't stand up for
himself.

Good luck!

theAudience said:

Amen to that. Sooner or later, you have to take a stand. I say break the punk's nose. I learned that MFers aren't so rough once they see & taste their own blood.

xplnyrslf said:

I tried to get the story behind it, and unless he's keeping something from me, it's pretty much the kid just gets a kick out of doing this. I don't think he's wanting to seriously hurt my son, it almost sounds like he thinks that it'll make him look cool to do it. If the story is being told correctly!

Dogbiteit said:

The thought of that scares me. I don't want my son in a fight. Regardless of whether he wins or loses. As a matter of fact, my stomach has been all in knots all day today over this.

Of course, I am hoping that if it comes down to this that he connects with a good solid punch and the kid quickly realizes that he doesn't want any more. Even better, for me, is if it would just go away and not come to that!

PREDOMINANT said:

Wish I would have read that before he went to school!

That's the thing... it almost sounds like play fighting, but one sided. These are 9/10 year olds. I don't know...

What is "dead leg" or "dead arm"?

jerseykrs said:

Right now I wish I was a guy and not an emotional girl!

I'm hoping that it turns out like it did with your son. If it comes down to that, anyway.

sag10 said:

Hiya girly-girl!

I know... I know...

uPtoWnNY said:

Ugh.


.
[Edited 9/22/06 10:15am]

uPtoWnNY said:

UptownNY your posts are right on the money as usual.
My parents taught me that if people picked on me and tried to fight me then hit back and if I don't fight back then they both would beat my ass.
One time I was in the 6th grade and I have some issues with my former next door neighbor and friend. To make the long story short one day, I had enough with her bullshit and she wanted to pick a fight. Instead of trying to talk her out of it, I had to defend myself and I fought back and beated her ass too. She even had poison ivy and the beatings that i gave her made it worst. Since then she thought twice before messing with me and eventually we stop speaking to each other. I also got picked on couple of times afterwards by different kids and I also fought back and they stopped picking on me. I was one of the shy students too. That is what bullies think that they can be so overpowering to the quiet kids or kids that dont fight back, but sometimes they are wrong.
To this day if someone tries to fight with me then I am going to fight my damnest and if I get beat up at least that I defend myself. To me it not about winning or losing, it about able to stand up to others even if something that comes to physical retaliation. I dont start things but I oughta be damn if I am going to be punk and not fight back.
That is what my advice too that you should defend yourself and your love ones if being threated by others.

Go to that school and take a shit, or piss, or both, on the punching kid. That'll humiliate him a-plenty.

uPtoWnNY said:

I might not go that far.

However let me add that in both instances, my son tried to talk both chumps down first.

I was also raised on the if they hit you, hit 'em back theory.
But times were also different then. Very rarely would anything escalate beyond fisticuffs.

Not sure where today's hellions have come from.
Some of these kids are such punks that the 1st thing they think about is retaliating with a gun.


tA

Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431

theAudience said:

That sh!t happens far too often nowadays. MFers bump into each other or get turned away at a party and all of a sudden bullets start flying.

Last week at Duquense University, five basketball players got shot. Why? The girlfriend of one of the shooters flirted with the players, then all hell broke loose. WTF?

Have him beat the shit out of him. The other kid already did throw the first punch, several times it seems. Next time he sees the kid walking down the hall, walk up behind him and do the same thing. He doesn't have to wait around for the next assult and react. If he's fed up with it now, take care of it now. And if the school gives him crap about it, he should remind them that they should have been there and done something about it in the first place, and they didn't.

Tom said:

That is very true. I'm keeping this in mind for future episodes!

Today, my son and his friend, and this punk kid, were outside playing. His friend pulled his shoulders back, messing with him, which made his feet go up and his shoe nicked the punk in the face. The kid started crying then shouted that he was going to beat my son up. To which my son said, "If you're gonna do it, do it. Quit talking about it and do it then.", and stood up prepared to fight, much to the horror of my son's friend. I guess he was shocked because his friend asked him, afterwards, if he was really going to fight this kid and Colin told him that yes, he was, that I had told him to. Oh, boy...

The punk kid never got up, but sat there, playing with grass, until a little girl came over and told the punk kid that the recess lady wanted to see him because she heard that he was telling someone he was going to beat them up. The kid left him alone on the next recess.

This is a good sign, though, right? The kid didn't get up, so maybe just standing up to him worked a little?

I don't know if I'm going to make it through 4th grade, let alone the rest of his school years! Argh!

Mazurack said:

That what your son have to do is to stand up for himself. There aren't easy solutions and hard choices to make in bullying. You got clueless school officials thinking that the child should tell on the teacher each time they get pick on but yet what would happen if that victim and the bully confront with each other somewhere else off school grounds, and the victim is unable to fight back or have anyone else helping him? Then what? Those same officals won't be around as the protector neither would mom and dad or anyone else. And then you have some indifferent teachers telling the victim to ignore the bully and hoping that everything would be okay but it just going to make the bully to pick at the child further.
Also I want to add that you must still teach your son how to defend himself even if it comes to do physical retaliation so be it. At least the bully and everyone knows that your son isn't powerless. Because the other kids around do watch this shit. And what would happen if some of them going to think that if this bully can punch your son and bully him around they can too. If he doesn't stand up for himself right now then how is he going to do same as he is going to face even tougher years in middle and high school? And so what about when he becomes a man and goes off to college and the workforce when he might face people who might challenge him because of his beliefs and different viewpoint? Like a saying, If you dont stand up to something you would fall for anything.

And also if the problem continues you should demand a meeting with the officials and the bully parents and come with some sort of a solution. You have the right to demand one because your son is the one who is getting pick on and hurting here. I know that as adults sometimes we forget that these things still happen in school and also doesn't think twice what is the child is going through but if I was you, I would take the time to make this meeting happen because this shit happening on the school property and it is your school responsiblity to make sure that your son goes to school everyday without the bullying and shit.

I understand as a mom that you don't want your son to throw punches back but also there are other ways that your son can take a stand. He can be assertive by telling the bully punk to fuck off or else or he can learn and do some practical jokes on the bully and humiliated his ass in front of everyone without the teacher seeing it. Like tell your son to arrange a meeting with the bully at the park (off the school property) after school pretending like he is going to be his friend but reality plotted some practical jokes on him. Get him to bring some classmates too just to watch this shit. You should be there to watch too from your car parked across the street looking out for your son's safety and make sure that your baby boy get that bully punk real good. If your son have some real trusting friends they should know about the joke or even help out. That way the classmates would realized that Mr. Bully Punk isn't so tough after all after your son gets through with him.
I know that it is rough of what you are going through with your son but the best thing that you can do is to be there for him and also lookout for him and stay involved of what is going on.

theAudience said:

You got that right. Some of these pussies these days would retaliation with a gun rather than be strong to fight back with a fist. It can be scary thinking if you beat someone and thinking that your life could be endangered if they fight back but whatelse can you do? Allow them to continue to bully and not doing anything? I think not. I also heard about those shootings at the college recently too and that is a damn shame how people resort to do these things over some stupid shit.
[Edited 9/22/06 13:52pm]