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Printableluv4all7 said: JustErin said: I used to be that way. I'm way more in control when it comes to men now. Okay how did you fix it? Realizing that *I* am number one, being happy with who I am as a person and not needing someone else to fill some kind of void within me. That's not to say that there aren't some men that make me weak in the knees, I just don't allow anyone to have control over me...I just let them think that they do.  | |
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luv4all7 said: JustErin said: I used to be that way. I'm way more in control when it comes to men now. Okay how did you fix it? Tell us!!  | |
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IrresistibleB1tch said: luv4all7 said: See, now thats the thing. I can totally manipulate a guy. Except when it counts yanno? There are just certain men that get under my skin and I'm like totally disgustingly weak when it comes to them. DISGUSTING!!!! i'm pretty sure Erin was kidding. being manipulative in any relationship is only destructive for both. there's always a common ground to be found.  See, before I read this I would have said I want to learn the manipulating thing too, but Patsy's right - Im fucking sick of games, thats whats got me into this mess. I dont want any more manipulating, from either side. | |
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luv4all7 said: JustErin said: I used to be that way. I'm way more in control when it comes to men now. Okay how did you fix it? Some people may scoff at this but I sometimes think JustErin is like my female other half. You'd be surprised by how similar we are.
I can't speak for her but, in my case, what sorted it out was developing my self-esteem. Not relying on others for happiness/my own security. Standing on my own two feet.  | |
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JustErin said: luv4all7 said: Okay how did you fix it? Realizing that *I* am number one, being happy with who I am as a person and not needing someone else to fill some kind of void within me. That's not to say that there aren't some men that make me weak in the knees, I just don't allow anyone to have control over me...I just let them think that they do. 
I think Im halfway there...I know Im number one, and I dont have any voids that need filling - but I still want a cuddle at night  | |
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JustErin said: luv4all7 said: Okay how did you fix it? Realizing that *I* am number one, being happy with who I am as a person and not needing someone else to fill some kind of void within me. That's not to say that there aren't some men that make me weak in the knees, I just don't allow anyone to have control over me...I just let them think that they do. 
See my respose above.
[Edited 9/16/06 6:45am] | |
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susannah said: IrresistibleB1tch said: i'm pretty sure Erin was kidding. being manipulative in any relationship is only destructive for both. there's always a common ground to be found. See, before I read this I would have said I want to learn the manipulating thing too, but Patsy's right - Im fucking sick of games, thats whats got me into this mess. I dont want any more manipulating, from either side. Not so much games. I'm not into games either. I mean silly games are fun, but not games that HURT. But I mean. I need to have the upper hand. If not, I'm totally vulnerable and get hurt. I never wanna feel like that again. I think what Erin said about filling a void is accurate. But I want to find a partner where I'M not number 1 or HE'S not number 1 but were both EQUAL. I think I'm beginning to see though, that there is no such thing. | |
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luv4all7 said: susannah said: See, before I read this I would have said I want to learn the manipulating thing too, but Patsy's right - Im fucking sick of games, thats whats got me into this mess. I dont want any more manipulating, from either side. Not so much games. I'm not into games either. I mean silly games are fun, but not games that HURT. But I mean. I need to have the upper hand. If not, I'm totally vulnerable and get hurt. I never wanna feel like that again. I think what Erin said about filling a void is accurate. But I want to find a partner where I'M not number 1 or HE'S not number 1 but were both EQUAL. I think I'm beginning to see though, that there is no such thing. Not number one in the relationship, no, but we all have to accept that we're number one in our lives. At the end of the day theres noone else. Were alone. thats not a depressing thing, its just true. sooner you knwo you ahve to look after yourself, better off youll be
(not you personally obv!!) | |
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luv4all7 said: susannah said: See, before I read this I would have said I want to learn the manipulating thing too, but Patsy's right - Im fucking sick of games, thats whats got me into this mess. I dont want any more manipulating, from either side. Not so much games. I'm not into games either. I mean silly games are fun, but not games that HURT. But I mean. I need to have the upper hand. If not, I'm totally vulnerable and get hurt. I never wanna feel like that again. I think what Erin said about filling a void is accurate. But I want to find a partner where I'M not number 1 or HE'S not number 1 but were both EQUAL. I think I'm beginning to see though, that there is no such thing. i'm confused - do you need to have the upper hand, or do you want equality? | |
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luv4all7 said: susannah said: See, before I read this I would have said I want to learn the manipulating thing too, but Patsy's right - Im fucking sick of games, thats whats got me into this mess. I dont want any more manipulating, from either side. Not so much games. I'm not into games either. I mean silly games are fun, but not games that HURT. But I mean. I need to have the upper hand. If not, I'm totally vulnerable and get hurt. I never wanna feel like that again. I think what Erin said about filling a void is accurate. But I want to find a partner where I'M not number 1 or HE'S not number 1 but were both EQUAL. I think I'm beginning to see though, that there is no such thing. Hun, the only way it will be equal is if you are both taking care of yourselves emotionally and not relying on each other that way. | |
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onenitealone said: JustErin said: Realizing that *I* am number one, being happy with who I am as a person and not needing someone else to fill some kind of void within me. That's not to say that there aren't some men that make me weak in the knees, I just don't allow anyone to have control over me...I just let them think that they do.
See my respose above.
[Edited 9/16/06 6:45am]  | |
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JustErin said: onenitealone said:
See my respose above.
[Edited 9/16/06 6:45am]
Honestly - from what I read on the Org - we think/act very similarly. | |
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onenitealone said: JustErin said:
Honestly - from what I read on the Org - we think/act very similarly. Nice. We're awesome! 
But why did you say that some people might scoff at the idea that we are similar? 
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IrresistibleB1tch said: luv4all7 said: Not so much games. I'm not into games either. I mean silly games are fun, but not games that HURT. But I mean. I need to have the upper hand. If not, I'm totally vulnerable and get hurt. I never wanna feel like that again. I think what Erin said about filling a void is accurate. But I want to find a partner where I'M not number 1 or HE'S not number 1 but were both EQUAL. I think I'm beginning to see though, that there is no such thing. i'm confused - do you need to have the upper hand, or do you want equality? What I'm saying is I NEED the upper hand, but I know that s not the RITE way. I'd like an equal relationship, but I'm starting to wonder if that exists. | |
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JustErin said: luv4all7 said: Not so much games. I'm not into games either. I mean silly games are fun, but not games that HURT. But I mean. I need to have the upper hand. If not, I'm totally vulnerable and get hurt. I never wanna feel like that again. I think what Erin said about filling a void is accurate. But I want to find a partner where I'M not number 1 or HE'S not number 1 but were both EQUAL. I think I'm beginning to see though, that there is no such thing. Hun, the only way it will be equal is if you are both taking care of yourselves emotionally and not relying on each other that way. I know your rite. But how? | |
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luv4all7 said: IrresistibleB1tch said: i'm confused - do you need to have the upper hand, or do you want equality? What I'm saying is I NEED the upper hand, but I know that s not the RITE way. I'd like an equal relationship, but I'm starting to wonder if that exists. When it comes to your emotional well being, you do need the upper hand. Equal relationships do exist, but you'll never be in one until you work things out internally. | |
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luv4all7 said: JustErin said: Hun, the only way it will be equal is if you are both taking care of yourselves emotionally and not relying on each other that way. I know your rite. But how? Exactly. Some men arent capable of that. | |
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JustErin said: luv4all7 said: What I'm saying is I NEED the upper hand, but I know that s not the RITE way. I'd like an equal relationship, but I'm starting to wonder if that exists. When it comes to your emotional well being, you do need the upper hand. Equal relationships do exist, but you'll never be in one until you work things out internally. How? 
(Your my new therapist) | |
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JustErin said: onenitealone said:
Honestly - from what I read on the Org - we think/act very similarly. Nice. We're awesome!
But why did you say that some people might scoff at the idea that we are similar?
Sorry - no offence was intended. 
I dunno; I'd *like* to think I'm a nice/good person - which you are too, incidentally; steady on there - but I'm certainly not the pushover that people may think I am. I take no shit.
I agree with a lot of your opinions. And I admire your attitude. You're a strong, confident, self-assured woman. I think I know where you come from.
Anyway, I'll leave it there - you've had one appreciation thread this week as it is.
[Edited 9/16/06 7:00am] | |
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luv4all7 said: IrresistibleB1tch said: i'm confused - do you need to have the upper hand, or do you want equality? What I'm saying is I NEED the upper hand, but I know that s not the RITE way. I'd like an equal relationship, but I'm starting to wonder if that exists. oh, ok - now i get it. | |
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IrresistibleB1tch said: luv4all7 said: What I'm saying is I NEED the upper hand, but I know that s not the RITE way. I'd like an equal relationship, but I'm starting to wonder if that exists. oh, ok - now i get it. Well then wheres your smart ass comment? | |
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susannah said: luv4all7 said: I know your rite. But how? Exactly. Some men arent capable of that. The key word in your sentence is "some", that means that some men are. So, there you go. You know what you need to do - stay away from those that aren't capable. Luv, I can't tell you how because only you know what your issues are, and different things work for different people. I guess the only thing I can say is you need to work on those issues. | |
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luv4all7 said: IrresistibleB1tch said: oh, ok - now i get it. Well then wheres your smart ass comment? why should i make a smart-ass comment? | |
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onenitealone said: JustErin said: Nice. We're awesome!
But why did you say that some people might scoff at the idea that we are similar?
Sorry - no offence was intended.
I dunno; I'd *like* to think I'm a nice/good person - which you are too, incidentally; steady on there - but I'm certainly not the pushover that people may think I am. I take no shit.
I agree with a lot of your opinions. And I admire your attitude. You're a strong, confident, self-assured woman. I think I know where you come from.
Anyway, I'll leave it there - you've had one appreciation thread this week as it is.
[Edited 9/16/06 7:00am]
Aww...thanks. I was just being silly with the "scoff" comment. | |
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IrresistibleB1tch said: luv4all7 said: Well then wheres your smart ass comment? why should i make a smart-ass comment? Cuz your an irresistiblebitch. In the NICEST sense of the word. | |
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JustErin said:
Aww...thanks. I was just being silly with the "scoff" comment. I know.
Take care, you. | |
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you're painting the whole male gender with a broad paintbrush Susannah.
yes, there are some of us around who do nice things just cause. | |
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JustErin said: susannah said: Exactly. Some men arent capable of that. The key word in your sentence is "some", that means that some men are. So, there you go. You know what you need to do - stay away from those that aren't capable. I really only said to avoid the backlash of saying "most"! But youre right...probably  Im just sick of waiting for one  | |
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purplerein said: you're painting the whole male gender with a broad paintbrush Susannah.
yes, there are some of us around who do nice things just cause. Thats the other problem. Men that AREN'T assholes. Well, I'm just not into them. So then what???? | |
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purplerein said: you're painting the whole male gender with a broad paintbrush Susannah.
yes, there are some of us around who do nice things just cause. Speak up then! Thats the point of the thread! In my experience there havent been many good ones, so Im asking the org - is there?? That particular question - about doing nice things - was an important one. So sometimes men might just do something really nice for you just for no reason? Just to be nice? huh. Well I guess that was nice of him...just all very confusing is all | |
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