I am going through a divorce. All is going well and amicable. Its time to enter the dating world. In fact, I havent been single for more than a 2 month period for about 14 years. Through high school, college, and marriage I always had a girlfriend. Funny thing is, I am an independent dude who doesnt necessarilly always looking for a relationship, but it ultimately happens. I have VOWED to stay single til the first of the year...even to not date until then. So much for that, I got bored and went on a date last night. Anyways, here are my questions for those of you that are single and maintain that status:

At which point when dating do you tell someone that ur not interested in anything more than dating without plans to get serious?

Is it genuinely fulfilling to date around and never really get to know anyone due to the fear of attachment?

Random sex = disease, std's, pregnancy, scares the shit out of me but I havent done without ever. Opinions???


I have more, but Ill start with this.

DarkKnight1 said:

not necessarily, if you keep thinking with the right head.....real question is: is it gratifying?

DarkKnight1 said:

Immediately.



I don't think so. I think you need to get to know them, but that doesn't mean that you have to be serious with them.



You should be scared, then you will make sure to always take the proper precautions.

Dating can be a lot of fun if you don't take it too seriously and are always honest with the people you are seeing.

abierman said:

Probably not, because the risks outweigh the rewards. But shit, dating without it is tough I would assume.

JustErin said:

Therein lies the problem, how do you "not" take it too seriously without tearing someone up. Ultimately, thats what I will do. I have never dated someone who didnt get attached.

DarkKnight1 said:

oh well, if you want to sleep around, you better make the hell sure that you're protected.....

What do you mean with dating without random sex? Random sex to me are one-nighters.....of which I am trying to keep my distance.....been there, done that! Dating for random sex to me is something else.....I don't date women just to get into their pants, there must be something else as well before I spend time on dating!

DarkKnight1 said:

It's the people you choose to date then, imo. There are tons of people out there who are not looking for anything serious.

abierman said:

Thats my point, Im not just looking for random sex, but its just part of the equation. I might just be obsesssing about nothing, but getting to the questions like "have you been tested lately?" and "Do you have anything that I should know about?" have never been on my mind before. Its just odd. Before my marriage, that shit never crossed my free wheeling mind.

DarkKnight1 said:

well, if you're not out for random sex and you're dating someone who interests you, you'll establish an relationship ( ) I guess.....out of that comes trust, stuff like you mentioned will come from itself.....no big deal, the way I see it!

Avoid dating if you can. It's a pain in the ass. The game playing you have to play with women these days just sucks the life out of you.

Spats said:

Avoiding is not an option. I will get bored and truly feel a necessity to date. I wont play games. Ever.

DarkKnight1 said:

You don't have to. Just always be upfront from the get go. All you can do is be honest and tell them how you feel about not getting serious. If they choose to ignore what you say in attempts to try and get you into something serious and then they get hurt, that's on them, not you.

Sounds kinda mean on the surface, I suppose...but really it's not mean at all. People need to be responsible for their own actions. It's not up to us to make other's happy.

JustErin said:

I agree, but then there are times when you can tell someone is attached and you simply are not. At that point it's best to bow out gracefully. Even if you've made your intentions clear, it would be bad to continue a relationship.

CarrieMpls said:

Agreed. It's also best to do that to try and minimize the drama, the longer you stay in something like that the worse it gets.

Give yourself six months to a year (a year is preferable) BEFORE you start dating again.

No one comes out of a divorce without dissappointment, a bruised ego, and probably some resentment. Take time to free yourself of the past, and to redefine yourself as a single before you try to be part of a couple again. Believe me, it you admit it or not you got baggage. Don't dump your baggage on someone thinking it be easier to carry that way, you'll just get more baggage.

JustErin said:

I have yet to date a chick who doesnt get attached. Im not real sure why. I think its probably that I dont state my intentions early within the relationship. I havent been single for more than 3 months at a time in the past 12 years. 6 of that was filled with marriage.

littlemissG said:

Not much baggage here. Thats part of the problem. We were trying to put a bandaid on a bullet wound for the past 2 years. We parted very amicably, and continue to be friends. Im not a sad kinda guy. I used about a month to heal. It would be different if I was cheated on, or left abruptly. The was a slow burn and a clean break.

DarkKnight1 said:

At least try being upfront this time and see how it goes, and try to have a positive attitude about getting back into dating.

And don't get into anything you don't want to get into, in hopes of trying to not hurt the other person. I never works out, and they will end up getting hurt anyway, probably more since they will feel they invested so much into it.

JustErin said:

I am very positive, but know how it works for me. Hell, a buddy of mine was gonna be my roomate but said he knows how I "work" and that Ill be hooked up in no time. I have vowed to stay out of the serious but will inevitable fall into it. There is also something to the idea that I always got into relationships in order to avoid the beating that is dating. With something consistent, I save time, irritation, and hurting any girls feelings.

DarkKnight1 said:

You need a new outlook on it then, hun. Put yourself first now.

You are in control. Life is all about the decisions you make. Learn from the past and make wise decisions and you'll be fine.