Detroit turned 305 years old this week. She is the oldest city in the midwest (USA). I thought I'd celebrate with a special thread. Only Detroiters may laugh though.

YOU MIGHT BE A DETROITER IF...

You have an $80,000 car parked in front of your $60,000 home.

The Liquor Store is your post office, bank, pharmacy, and supermarket.

You know how to say Cadieux, Mackinac, Packzi, Ypsilanti, Chaldean, and Euchre.

You vacation at Wheels Inn in Chatham, Ontario.

You drive 80mph, riding some guy's ass, in a blizzard.

You complain that the city doesn't pick up the pile of trash at the end of the street. you might be a detroiter if

You throw your trash into a big pile at the end of the street.

You say the Lions have a chance this year, sarcastically, every year.

You're more comfortable talking to people through six inch plexiglass.

You don't walk to go places.....ever.

You buy a $5 large almost not crappy pizza four times a week

You buy the same pizza for $20 at the Tigers game and its even crappier

You have never driven slower than 80mph on the Lodge Freeway.

You buy your jewlery at the auto parts store.

You found out there was an aquarium when they announced its closure.

You sit on your porch, and just sit there, on the porch, in the afternoon, sitting.

You need a mountain bike to go through the alley.

You can buy single cigarettes and batteries.

You are from the burbs and you tell people "I'm from Detroit"

You are from the city and you tell people "I'm from the burbs"

You run on the court and get punched in the face by a 6'11" 260lb Power Forward on National TV

A 6'8" 240lb Small Forward attacks you in the stands on National TV

You threw a chair into a crowd on National TV.

You still think Jimmy Kimmel is an asshole.

You go to windsor when you're seventeen with a nineteen year olds ID.

You get in a fight in Windsor, Ontario and puke in the tunnel after burger king.

You drive south to get to Canada

Ice cream trucks have cages in the windows.

Crosswalks are simply suggestions.

Construction Zones are Permanent.

People are selling bottled water on the freeway ramps.

Wig Shop, Party Store, Popeyes, Gun Shop, CVS, Empty Lot , Beauty

Shop, Party Store, Wig Shop, Barber Shop, Church, Empty Lot, Church,

Church's Chicken, Church, Gun Store, Barber Shop, Ren Cen, Gun

Shop, Comerica Park, Expressway, Church, Empty Lot, Supermarket.

The grass is chest high but you're playing dice.

There's garbage everywhere, except pop bottles!

You buy a 3 Liter of Faygo for $ .99

There is a curious smoke coming out of the sewers year round.

You lock your door when school lets out.

1000 people are looking for work and 100,000 people are unemployed.

You think you are in Bizarro World.

A giant metal fist is hanging there, ready for action.

Gas is cheaper in the city than the suburbs, or the rest of the state.

You're leaving the city to get gas.....safely.

You've eaten coney's for lunch and dinner today.

The dirt roads are smoother than the paved one.

Abandoned blocks of houses become famous works of art.

The cops show up.....15 minutes later.

You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's.

You know what a Vernor's is.

You met your spouse in a bowling alley.

just drove through the big D yesterday on my way home from london ontario ...

Mach said:

Which bridge or tunnel did u use to cross the border? How long was the wait?

dreamfactory313 said:

port huron bridge ... 20 + minute wait into gate then was picked for random car search ...that took 15 + more minutes

Mach said:

ughh! i hate that. was it a body cavity search?

where are these u guys getting these lists from?

great list. I understand practically all of it, but don't live in Detroit or the burbs on a regular basis -- unless you call Toledo a burb of Motown.

dreamfactory313 said:

NO ... just the car

I miss Detroit-hope to be back home soon and I know what Vernor's happens to be . Go Tigers!.

You gotta love Detroit!

HAHA...great list DF313...The city officials may be corrupt, but the
people are great.

Mach said:

Oh.

Revolution said:

Tell me about it.

You know how pronounce Livernois.
It like Illnois.

You remember Boblo Island.

littlemissG said:

littlemissG said:

Yes I do and it's bringing back memories-I'm, I'm gonna .

YOU MIGHT BE A DETROITER IF....

you smell!

althom said:

althom said:

Nothing about The Electrifying MOJO?

.....if the origin of one of your close nieghboring cities is as follows;
A bunch of large land plots were marked by signs that read No.I, No. II, No. III, No. IV, etc.,
& the first few to claim a particular area were of enough redneck descent as to believe that these signs actually were the names of each given plot,
which resulted in one your suburbs now titled as Novi, Michigan.

Illustrator said:

Youre from Novi?

I take it Delta City is still on the books?

Comin' back to this.

Mach said:

Gangstafam is just 15 minutes from the Blue Water Bridge and I'm about a half hour north! Let us know next time you are through here and we'll take you to lunch!!!!

305 years old??? Wow ~ THAT deserves some respect. I truly love Detroit ~ has some of the coolest music venues ever and the most enthusiastic fans. Could you even believe I ran into the same cop (what are the chances in a city that size?) twice within about three months. The first time I was totally lost by myself in DOWN DOWN town Detroit and had to get to the airport ~ they had construction all over the place and the detour was even closed. I asked the first cop I saw for help and he led me to the Lodge ~ very scary in the pouring rain at night. The second time I was coming out of a Tori concert. They had put up a barrier to our little shortcut to the on ramp. Everyone was driving on the grass to get around it. My sister got out and moved the barricade about a foot so people could drive through and the SAME cop came roaring up like we had a submachine gun. He told me to PLEASE stop driving in his city. But, she is a great old city with a huge spirit.

You might be a Detroiter if... you went to school with an internationally known recording artist. (pick a genre)

MoonSongs said:

Thats Detroit's Finest for ya. I was driving with a friend of mine on Wayne Anthony Drive on the campus of WSU last week and a cop stopped us because he claimed he couldnt see our seat belts. Of course we were wearing one. He just wanted to check out that candy painted '07 convertable Mustang we were in. I said to myself, "and meanwhile someone is getting car jacked, shot, or axe murdered." God, gotta love this town, huh?