I have an old dear friend. We've been friends for more than twenty years. We're both flying across country to our high school reunion. We had discussions to fly together, but I was getting mixed messages in terms of when he wanted to go, what airline, etc.

THEN he shot me this email:

I prefer my companions to be strangers who just happen to be sitting
there...then there's no need to coordinate and if I feel like ignoring
everything but my book and the view...I'm free to do so.

Well damn.

That's a cold son of a bitch! I'd rather KNOW who I'm sitting next to. You never know what you're gonna get. Screw him!

i understand completely!

maybe your friend had a bad experience coordinating a trip with a friend, or maybe your friend has a fear of flying and everything needs to be "just so"?

Hopefully he'll get seated next to an morbidly obese person (whose arms keep pushing into him), that talks too much and is flying with a colicky newborn!

heartbeatocean said:

perhaps your "friend" is trying to tell you something...?

maybe he snores

purplerein said:

T that could be it!

Anx said:

I understand completely as well. I love travelling alone and have no problem with the preference. But the phrase "I prefer my companions to be strangers..." came as a bit of a shock.

I don't think either the above cases apply. He's a guy who has a lot of boundary problems, lets people walk all over him, and never has an intimate relationships...

It makes total sense because when I'm around him I end up talking endlessly about things I don't really care about. I don't know why but it's the dynamic that always occurs between us.

heartbeatocean said:

That is an odd turn of phrase...
I get the wanting to fly alone thing (though I find it slightly rude, he could have explained better) but yeah, 'I prefer my companions to be strangers sounds a bit, well, odd.

heartbeatocean said:

yeah, your friend could have been a little less intense with the response, i suppose.

heartbeatocean said:

sounds like it's going to be a heck of a trip!

CarrieMpls said:

He has a lot of issues. I think he has sex with strangers (never talks about it) and I've never known him to be intimately involved with anyone... I think it says a lot more about him than me, and I almost see it as a kind of gift that he was able to be so blunt with me. I mean, in some ways, we are really good friends who go way back. He usually bottles up all his feelings and never says what he really thinks.
[Edited 7/4/06 9:29am]

purplerein said:

well, obviously we won't be on the same plane.

I'd say seeya.

kidelrich said:

It's not worth analyzing too much. I made my own arrangements.

Terilicious said:

I like your darkness.

kidelrich said:

Muuuuuaaaaahhhhhaaaaahahahahaha

Terilicious said:

Now you know about my flight plans, too?!

Sound's like he's probably socially akward and inept.

I'll never understand people like that.

Or he could be an elitist bastard who just thinks everyone else is below him.

heartbeatocean said:

Hhmm .. at least he was honest bout his desires ...

JustErin said:

Maybe a bit of both.

You know what? My feelings are hurt!

Okay, I just talked to him because this was really bugging me.

It turns out this "companionship" phrase was some sort of smartass response to my suggestion that we could possibly snag a deal with a free "companion" ticket I saw online...which evidently he thought to be a completely stupid idea.

At least he apologized.

heartbeatocean said:

Is he in his late thirties or early forties? I know a lot of men who behave like he does and they all seem to be around that age. I'm thinking that maybe they are starting to feel like they've missed the last train when it comes to having a relationship and children at a decent age, and this makes them disillusioned and reclusive. So if he's been like this for a long time, maybe hitting that phase in his life has made it even worse and caused bizarre situations like the one you've described.

retina said:

Late thirties. Your description pretty much hits the nail on the head. What I find interesting about this experience and my conversation with him yesterday is

a) He really couldn't see any value in flying together. Like the idea of simply having an excuse to hang out together, share an experience, help each other, problem solve together, and have some fun -- all that was completely foreign to him.

b) Because he thought the whole idea to be stupid one, he was simply dismissive and disrespectful. Not even taking the time to honor a different perspective and respond appropriately. I think this behavior may increase with the reclusiveness and disillusionment.

Maybe men like him are reclusive and disillusioned because they've missed the train. Or maybe they've missed the train (and continue to miss it) because they choose the path of reclusiveness and disillusionment. (And then they can look down on the rest of humanity, too, as a bunch bumbling fools)

heartbeatocean said:

Maybe he's a serial killer.

heartbeatocean said:

He is the one with the problem darlin', not you.
He was harsh and disrespectful of your feelings.
Cheer up - maybe your trip will be more fun without him and all the extra 'baggage' he so obviously carrys.

heartbeatocean said:

Someone should tell the guy that not having kids or a long term relationship is not "missing the train". He could very well have ended up being bitter having all that. I know people who are. He would have been tied to that train for life if he had.

cubic61052 said:

so true. his loss. besides if you traveled with him you may have come home in pieces...I still think he's a serial killer!

Spats said:

I have kids, and I love them more than anything, and can't picture life without them. BUT, I agree wit Spats on this one.

luv4all7 said:

FIRST THE NPGMC SHUT DOWN AND NOW THIS...

SOMEONE ACTUALLY AGREED WITH SPATS!!!!