man, what a headfuck. from what you've written you sound like a very level-headed guy. Very mature. My first instinct is to stress that this really shouldn't be your responsibility, in any sense. However, I really think you are being sensible by playing things a bit by ear, while trying to ensure Golf's parents both accept that they are fully responsible for the child.H aving said that, your attitude & sensitivity on this thread shows that Golf couldn't have a better surrogate father than you if it ever came down to it.

Whateva said:

It's one of those ways that our children help us to become better human beings - through them, we develop more patience... that is to say, if we don't go completely in the process, as you said.

Heiress said:

I wholly agree. Golf is a smart kid. I knew it as soon as he started bopping away to 'I Wanna Be Your Lover', but shunned most of MTV.

I would love to help him have a good education too, but I don't wish to be his father. That's the point here, I guess. I want his mother and father to step up and I will help them as much as I can.

Fauxie said:

Well, biology is forever, but nurturing is quite another subject.

So many biological parents believe their children really "belong" to them, you know? When it's not the case at all... we've just spawned them. Really, they are their own people and will go the way they please. We're just there to help them become what they wish to become. I guess that's the difference between "having children" and truly "being" a parent.

Do ya get my drift? Looks like you'll be there to guide him along his way, at least for a bit. And that's an honor.

Heiress said:

Yup, I know what you mean. We'll be here for at least the next couple of years doing what we can. I just hope things work out for the best for him. We'll do what we can, that's for sure.

Lawd, I need to shower again. It's hot here. Then we're off to play outside.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I love you, but I'm slightly scared of you, mainly due to having seen your tongue and also reading all about your dream.

nammie said:

Firstly, I know where you're coming from and I appreciate you posting. I must say that I don't think I've 'moaned and bitched about the past', but never mind. Yes I love him, as does my wife. We've been so close to him ever since his birth. However, it's not as simple as you're suggesting. I love him, but I have no aspirations to be his father. This isn't because I don't want children. In our particular circumstances it would be an absolute blessing. Rather, it's not my place to just assume this position and relationship with him. I'll give all the love I can, but in the end he's not my child. I have never considered him a financial burden or the task of looking after him too much to carry out, though of course it does have an impact on our lives. That is not my primary concern here though. I am happy to take care of him financially, emotionally, in every way, but what I want most is for him to have a better situation with his parents. I can tell you about all the 'amazing things that gorgeous boy can and will be doing', and have done so here in previous threads, but he's not my child and it's not something that will ever come to be, nor would I want it. In Thailand it's very much a family culture. Golf is not a charity case and would never be without love. The issue is sorting out his parents' situation with each other as a couple and also financially so that they can be a family and take care of their baby. I can only think of the current situation as a stop-gap one in that my desire is not to be the child's father but to do my best to help his parents to get where they need to be. Along with taking care of Golf, that's where I'm focusing my efforts. He is a blessing, to all of us, but as a family we need to pull together and make things right. I believe that's the best course of action and that's what I'm putting my time into now. It's time I really got to know my brother in-law and had a heart to heart with him. I'm thinking about taking a trip to go to see him, but we'll see.

Anyways, thank you again for posting. Every perspective is a good one.

Fauxie said:

Yes you are going to be his parent. Or at least the most influencial person in his life.. That is an honor to say the least. Sometimes we don't get what we want we get what we need.

I do understand your are culturally different from me (not at much as we both may think).. so my comment of your "bitching and moaning" was not to be taken literally. It was more to say do the best you can with what you have and focus on the positive. As I posted I know you love him and he loves you. Don't say you don't want to be is father....Certainly you are going to be a fabulous father figure.. you have been already! As far as his relationship with his natural mom and dad.. just be open and supportive and let them see him when they can and don't get upset when they can't.. hold them responsible. I think it is great that you are a sensitive and caring man... you wife is blessed to have you and the idea of having a heart to heart with the brother-in-law is an excellent one.

I hope you know I wish you only the best in the future. BUT I MEAN IT WHEN I SAID I WANT POSITIVE UPDATES ON GOLF!! I WANNA KNOW KNOW ABOUT EACH AND EVERY AMAZING THING HIS DOES IN THE FUTURE.

Blessings to you and your family,

Nammie

nammie said:

Oh, good lord, woman, stop telling him what to do when you're not even there and don't even know him!

So I should just treat him like he were my own and take care of him as well as possible, just not think about what's going to happen and just wait and see?

AnotherLoverToo said:

No shit!

I don't know if this is really necessary, but if you were in the US I would recommend that you get some type of legal document that allows you to make decisions for that adorable little angel.

What I mean is, all is well when he is healthy, but if God forbid, he gets ill, would you be able to make decisions about his medical treatment should you not be able to contact his parents in a timely manner?

It sounds like you and your wife have become Golf's guardians. He is indeed truly blessed to have you both and I bet you find him to be a tremendous joy once all the logistics of the new situation work out.

My sister is in a very similar situation to yours with her granddaughter. She is walking that very fine line of doing what's best for her and making sure her parents still know they have a responsibility to provide for her and have a relationship with her.


It's not an easy situation and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Nothinbutjoy said:

Thanks nbj, I appreciate it.

Golf's mother has since come back here. Not really because of the boy but because his father left here and has changed his mobile number and she wants to wait here and try to get in touch with him. Apparently he's instructed his friends to tell her that he doesn't want her to call when she tries to get in touch through them. We're all pretty sure he has a new girlfriend. He also apparently owes more than $2000 due to various bills. I think he's scared, although I'm not defending what he's doing. The word is this new gf has money. He has told Golf's mother to take Golf back to her parents' house, but she just wants to stay here for now (probably because there's nobody to help her out with money back at her parents' house). What a mess. We were actually getting used to having Golf here without his mother, but I guess it is good to see her back here with her son, even if she's still not taking care of him how she should.

This situation never has any constancy. It just changes from week to week.

Fauxie said:

What a crazy, difficult situation. You are doing the best you can. Good luck to everyone involved.

applekisses said:

Now you know I can't help but stick my big ass nose where it doesn't belong LOL! what else would I have to do with my day ! LOL Now if somebody wants to spank me I'm all for it!

Nothinbutjoy said:

Thanks nbj, I appreciate it.

Golf's mother has since come back here. Not really because of the boy but because his father left here and has changed his mobile number and she wants to wait here and try to get in touch with him. Apparently he's instructed his friends to tell her that he doesn't want her to call when she tries to get in touch through them. We're all pretty sure he has a new girlfriend. He also apparently owes more than $2000 due to various bills. I think he's scared, although I'm not defending what he's doing. The word is this new gf has money. He has told Golf's mother to take Golf back to her parents' house, but she just wants to stay here for now (probably because there's nobody to help her out with money back at her parents' house). What a mess. We were actually getting used to having Golf here without his mother, but I guess it is good to see her back here with her son, even if she's still not taking care of him how she should.

This situation never has any constancy. It just changes from week to week.

Fauxie said:

It has to be very frustrating to have someone else's actions have so much influence in your day to day life.

Your patience and love is amazing.

I'm very impressed by what you're doing Nick. I hope it all works out.

Nice to see you're still hanging in there, fauxie. I keep checking your updates and don't have much to add, but I honestly hope all goes well for you and your family.