My brother in law just said goodbye and left home to go down south to stay with a friend and work in a hotel. He'll be hundreds of miles away so I don't know when, if ever, he'll be able to come back to see his son. He said he's likely going to split up with the boy's mother. Meanwhile, she's staying with her parents a few hours from here. Apparently she plans to visit her son once a month. She's trying to work also, to be able to 'look after her son better'.

So now we have a 2 year old boy to look after.



...
[Edited 6/14/06 22:43pm]

wow... what does mon think of it all??


love to you

emm said:

Well, Mon said her mother was fine with it and that she'll take care of Golf with help from us. Thing is, as much as Mon's mum might be willing to do this, she's really not able. She's not particularly well and doesn't have the use of one of her arms owing to a stroke a few years back. It makes me worry that when she takes Golf for a walk down the street to get something to eat that he may not be safe. She loves him, but can't really bath him or keep him in line when he's naughty.

We had Golf with us all day yesterday, went out to the shopping centre and it was fun. At that time I thought his mum would be staying here and at her parents' house alternately for a month at a time, with Golf being with her wherever she was. I didn't realise she intended to leave him here and would only visit once a month.

We'll take care of him, but I don't like this situation as he's going to miss his parents and their relationship will suffer. I'm not really sure what we can do though, especially since Mon said her mother wants him to stay here. I said to Mon it may not be possible, but she said she can't really say anything to her mother about it. I guess we'll just have to do as much as we can and see how it goes.

...
[Edited 6/14/06 22:54pm]

Oh wow...did you have any say in this at all?

Will the parents be helping out financially at least?

Ah, that darling little boy. Well. That's crazy. But if you decide to care for him, he's a lucky kid, and he'll adjust.

how unfair on you, but now you have his welfare in your hands, you can make sure he has love and constancy, which you were so worried about before.

Eep, tough situation

Golf is so lucky to have you & your wife in his life, Fauxie.

Nikster said:

Not really. Mon's mother said we could look after him here, and although of course she didn't want her son to go away down south and leave his boy, there wasn't much she could do to stop him. Where the hell is Mon's father is what I'm wondering. I haven't seen him since very early this morning and I don't know how he feels about it all. I know he doesn't really like Golf's mother, Tik, so I doubt he'd be too upset with her going back to her parents' house. I'm sure Mon's mum would like them both to stay here with Golf, but it seems like they made up their minds and that was that. They're both trying to work and make more money, but it doesn't seem right to me. Of course I'm going to take care of Golf because I love him, but this is far from an ideal situation. Mon and I have our own lives, and for me while I'm happy to be an uncle who has perhaps a closer relationship to his nephew than most (which is a blessing), he's not my child and he should be with his parents.

coolcat said:

I don't know. The mother will be making very little a day, probably only enough to support herself. I had to give her the money for the bus back to her parents' house. At that time I didn't know she was going for so long. The father will be making more money than he was here as apparently he won't have to pay rent staying at his friend's house, but I doubt he'll make that much to be able to send enough per month to pay for everything Golf needs.I did just give him the money for his bus down south, after all. I gave my brother in law money to get a bus in order for him to travel hundreds of miles away from his baby boy.

ZombieKitten said:

Indeed. I guess if we all help each other and Mon and I take most of the responsibility we will at least know he's being taken care of properly. It looks like his parents may well split up so I guess it's constancy he does need most now. It's probably better this way than him going back with his mother to her parents' house, where Mon says he gets left home alone quite a lot and often doesn't eat until midday, only eating two meals a day.

So I should just treat him like he were my own and take care of him as well as possible, just not think about what's going to happen and just wait and see?

Fauxie said:

probably all you can do at this stage... who knows what the next week holds for golf's parents... let alone next month


that being said don't hesitate to tell them they need to send any financial help when possible and perhaps encourage letters or some form for them to stay connected to their son

Fauxie said:

he is most at home there with you. Do your best, like you have been doing. it doesn't matter to a child that little WHO loves him, as long as somebody DOES - and I mean everyday care, cuddles, laughter. He doesn't understand his parents still love him if he can't even see them

Fauxie said:

What a difficult position to be in! The parents seem to be clearly taking advantage of you. Your voice needs to be heard... don't let them make these decisions for you...

Thanks guys. He seems happy enough at the moment munching on watermelon. Yesterday he asked where his mum was and was banging on the door saying 'mae' (mum), but today he seems happy enough, even after his dad left. I'm going to get Mon to stress to her brother how important it is that he sends money and does what he should to look after his boy. I also want him to know that we're here to help him though, and that he should focus on working hard and that together as a family we'll try to do what's best without pointing fingers. I figure the best thing I can do is try to stay positive about all this and get everybody together feeling like we're doing this as a family.

fauxie

He is a cutie, isn't he?

Ok, I don't think after today that I'll be on the org much for a while as I want to put my time into making this situation as good as it can be.

Before that though, I would like to know what people think my focus should be. I want first and foremost to make sure Golf is loved, has enough to eat, is taken care of and given enough attention, that kind of thing. But I also don't know how much I should lean on his parents to do what's right as far as looking after him financially and thinking about whether they should really be away from him so long, as opposed to just trying to make them feel he's safe here and that we're on their side working together to help them.

What do u think?

Fauxie said:

Only judging from what you've told us, they sound like lost causes when they become wealthy (and that doesn't sound likely) you can put the pressure on. What would have become of little Golf if he didn't have you?

ZombieKitten said:

I'd hate to think about it, to be honest. They've never paid rent here, never pay for power, have ended up pawning most of the stuff they bought on credit and have never given back the money I lent them to pay for Golf's hospital bills. It's no wonder really that my best friend divorced Mon's sister as I think it all got too much for him. He said he needed to move on with his life as he didn't think it was going anywhere. I think Mon's sister is actually due to come back here today and she's brilliant with Golf, but she's off to Ireland for several months at the beginning of July.

Yeah, I guess I'm going to have to assume I'm taking that financial responsibility for now.

lol, we were just jumping up and down on the bed dancing to The Temptations.

Mon's mother is supposed to be going to stay at the temple next week too as part of her religion. She's not here now as she's gone down the street to see a friend, and Mon's out this afternoon for a couple of hours seeing a friend who's only in Bangkok a couple of days. lol, sometimes I wonder if I know what I'm doing when trying to look after a young boy, and someone else's at that. I've not had kids of my own so I've had no experience at this!

...
[Edited 6/15/06 0:15am]

Ok, I'm outta here. Thanks everyone. Take care now.

Fauxie said:

take care.

Heiress said:

I'll still pop in sometimes.

Just for a little bit.

Fauxie said:

parenting never stopped me!!!

ZombieKitten said:

Nor I! But I don't think I could manage your ubiquity, Charlotte.

Heiress said:

I had to look that up!

Fauxie said:

What an angelic little boy! Awwwww, take care of him! My boy was a sweetheart at 2.....now he's 3 and I'm thinkin' he might be the devil!

Good Luck!

oh, fauxie. How difficult. That poor boy.

It sounds as if you are doing the best you can for him.

Nick, you and your wife are saints for doing what you are for Golf. I can't think of a better person to take care of him, either.

This is gonna sound mean, but honestly I am just giving you some tough love here.

You were sooooo worried about how the father does not show this darling little boy much love.. how he is distant and how the parents don't have much to offer at all. You were going on and on about how worried you were about this child.. Looks like now all of your worries are over.. Lets face it, from what you have told us, this child is now yours.. you (and your wife) are and will be his parents. You love him dearly and he loves you dearly, stop bitching and moaning about the past.. He has such a loving and bright future now with your family.. Treat him as you always have & stop over thinking things and for the love of God stop talking about him as if he were a charity case. he is a charity case NO MORE.

Is it a scary thing to take on..... YES ..... a financial burden...YES!! but what he will bring to your life far outweighs any cost you may have to care for him....trust me on this

Sooooo make a joyful noise about this beautiful new addition to your family. All of your future post should be about all of the amazing things that this gorgeous boy can and will be doing..Frankly thats all I want to hear about.

Congratulations damnit!! You are BLESSED


[Love and tenderness edit]
[Edited 6/15/06 13:37pm]