SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

same here, absolutely the same here

I feel you SUPA.. you are great, funny, generous, caring, have a deep and powerful and honest heart

I am with you.

I have people who love me - and you too, thats a blessing in disguise - really

True love is a reward, and we will be rewarded.. I put all my money on that..

if we all can love you, for YOU, better for worse, richer or poorer.. lol, I mean just how you ARE - HERE.. can you settle for that and love yourself for it, cos love really is out there and round the corner.. so if you have won the hearts of 100s of Orgers.. fact of the matter is there IS that someone out there special for you..

REDBABY said:

That is so sweet red!!

When I reached the point of forgiving my ex for abusing me, which was HUGE for me, my partner's initial reaction was about him being concerned I was going to have sex with my ex and that if I was going to to do it for sport and not love THAT is your reaction and not how happy I am that I have made a lifechanging breakthrough I am in self examination mode and I know the things I need to do to clean up my life but I wish love wasn't part of the equation because it makes me irrational!!!!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Sweetie, I know exactly how you feel. I feel like in relationships I give and give and give and it's not that I don't 'get' in return, I've just never 'gotten' in return all that I put out. And I'm not settling for anything less. Which makes me think I'll be alone.

CarrieMpls said:

I would settle for just a 25% return!!!!! I give everything that I have and then my partners act like I'm a fuckin stranger Like they know nothing about me and who I am and what I need. It's so frustrating. Sometimes I wish I could ditch the dick and dig the bitch

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[Edited 5/25/06 13:22pm]

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I say "Mountains and the Sea."


I wish I could be there to be somewhat of a comfort. I'm so glad you're pursuing something in counseling. You are going to be great at it!!!



M

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I know what you mean. But there's comes a point where we accept what we're given or realize we deserve more. And we deserve more.

And nah, I can't see you w/a bitch.

You're not alone. I focus on making myself happy to compensate for that empty feeling.

You already are loved hon...very much and by many.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

You know I pondered that same thing once...but it wouldnt be possible...it's not who I am....never was...for those who say gay is a choice...believe me people it's not!!!!!

Just gotta find the right dick!

If I had a penis I'd be honored to whisk you off your feet, you sizzling sexpot.

All I can say, if it'll even help, is that we humans don't give ourselves enough credit. We can survive an incredible amount of emotional pain and anguish and still come out capable of being content and happy; not to mention much stronger from enduring said stress.

Don't settle for less. I've felt universe-smashing emotions for another person just once and I take personal responsibility for the situation ending in failure. The loss of that connection has cost me a lifetime of 'what could be' and the pain never completely goes away.

When it happens, don't hesitate. Just jump!

INSATIABLE said:

jerseykrs said:

By that he means masturbating.....

And I agree.



M
[Edited 5/25/06 13:34pm]

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I don't even know where to start with this! Which means I'll stop before I start- just realize whatever happiness you've experienced with these subcreatures doesn't add up to a microscopic particle of what it feels like to.... well, you'll see if you're patient! You certainly deserve it.

Oh, and by the way! That'd be fantastic if you became a counselor for gay youth. LORD KNOWS there are young people out there that need someone like you!


Imagine the effect you could have on their lives and their confidence!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Thank you to all the chicks that wish they had dicks for my sake!

Insatiable, thank you I really do know what you are saying is true. Maybe I need to really really grow in order to be able to receive the greatness that is waiting for me.

Last year I had the most wonderful and beautiful pleasure of dating a friend. It ended up not working out, not out of any badness but just cuz it wasn't what we were meant to be for each other, but we are still friends. And those few months showed me what it is I'm looking for and waiting for and working towards making myself a better and more whole person.

And the counceling thing, well I haven't said anything because I didn't want to until I knew for sure but I am working on this and I can't think of anything I need and want more than to help the next generation to travel a different path than I and many others have. If I can make a difference in just one life, all my pain will be worth it

hi supa.

please forgive me if this has been mentioned, but, it's possible that there's a hole inside that you need to fill. we do it with a million things, your thing could be validation from another, or wanting something so badly from someone else that you're willing to overlook all kinds of things to get it until it's too late. it's like a drug.

thing is, there is not one person who can do that, besides you. and when i was in a very crazy place, really desperate, i ended up turning to meditation (through a chain of events). it seemed silly at first, but after awhile, you get really centered and a calm comes over you, you start rearranging things in your mind and in your life.

and it all comes from inside.

i wish you well with everything.

starkitty said:

You are right. That is why I'm working on me because I need to figure out and fix all the things that make me sell myself short.

then by the same token, once you work on you and come to really love and be at peace with yourself, it doesn't matter if you are by yourself. you are the only constant in this crazy life anyway.

once you are solid and strong, you'll figure out what you will and will not tolerate.

i hope i don't come off as too pious. i haven't been alone for a long time, but it does make sense to me.

starkitty said:

No, what you are saying is true. I'm going through a lot of changes right now and I have been cognizent and aware of the choices I have made and more importanly why I have made them. I am truly trying to figure all this out. I would rather be alone then deal with sadness. I am truly fine being myself and being alone in many ways. When it comes to love, I am incredibly scarred and not as strong as I am in other parts of my life. I have to make peace with this and it is what I'm trying to do. Thank you for your thoughts babe

starkitty said:

Hi Richard!

I have to agree with Starkitty on the whole meditation thing.
You know ever since I started my zazen training several years ago my life has definately gotten less chaotic. There is beauty within...

BUT...

When you're in the middle of these ugly anxious feelings it's so hard to see that the feelings are not facts and that they too will pass. It's overwhelming I know. I often feel like screaming, crying, punching someone (him) it gets really crazy.

I use this line from "Across the Universe" as a mantra: "Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind possessing and caressing me."

I'm finally coming to terms with the theory that you can't have joy without the sorrow.

I saw my ex at a restaurant a few days ago with a guy that he introduced as his "partner." We used to have fights because he never liked to use "titles." Fucker...god he pisses me off. Or rather, he leaves me in such a depressive state. I give him all my power. I thought I was over this bullshit...it's been six months since the breakup. How can he have a "partner" already. How does that fucking happen

My question is this: Are people this heartless or are they just clueless and selfish.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

you are not alone. I feel the same way. I feel im not good enough to truly fall in love with and be treated the way I feel I should be treated. Im not asking for the world, just love, honesty and respect. It seems like that is just way too much to ask.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

That reminds me of that movie Brendan Frazer was in where his parents lived in a bomb shelter and he grew up in it...then went into the real world and it was totally different...shit I can not remember the name of it...

notoriousj said:

I like the thought of us living in a bomb shelter

notoriousj said:

Blast From The Past.

JustErin said:

Is that the name of the movie or are you just sayin?

"Love will find a way, if u want it to"

Supa, it makes me sad to read what you are going through. Please know that you are loved and respected by soooo many of us here on the org (me included), and that you will find true love. Never give up hope or stop believing, it will happen to you.