XxAxX said:

...Like others have said, if she also feels that he really is a decent guy, then have a sit-down with him, tell him your feelings and thoughts, and let him tell his...hopefully a good, mature conversation will ensue.

By the way, am I the only one who picked up on the somewhat double-standard when it comes to lying about your age??...lol...If a guy came on and said he suspects his gf is actually 5 years older than she originally said, I somehow think that it wouldn't be given the same significance as if it were a man doing so....

brownsugar said:

good advice, and some she might actually want to hear, lol. Youre kinda right though, as they say it all comes out in the wash, and if they were to get more serious things like this would have to be swept over. Shes no fool, I dont see her spending years with him if hes bullshitting her every step of the way. But we should really be talking in the "now" i guess - they ARE just dating...Hmmmm....

Byron said:

I dont know about any double standards, but youre probably right. Its always different when its a man isnt it

I like your idea of a mature conversation, and I think thats what they need. She does think he's a good guy. Im just worried that he's blinding her, and that he seems lovely and sweet but hes totally full of shit. Best friends job though isnt it

Thanks again everyone, this is wonderful

susannah said:

...It's a shitty job and the pay sucks...lol

Byron said:

hell yeah! Im starving, I gotta go cook but here I am...

Im far too protective to be any other way

Im so sick of lies at the moment , when you lie you take away the other persons rite to to choose.

Nichola said:

Very true.

Lying can also be an assumption that the person you're lying to can't handle the truth.


I CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

susannah said:

Me, too...I kinda have a reputation for not letting the fear of losing someone's friendship dictate what I say...which means I have friends who tend to get pissed at me with regularity...lol

Byron said:

co sign! My closest friends know I dont know the meaning of the word "diplomacy", and that I love them and always mean it in a nice way, even if it doesnt sound that way! Unfortunately you dont last long around me unless you learn that

Byron said:

me too

Nothinbutjoy said:

Very valid point...and very true in this case. why else would he have lied about his age?! hmmm....

Although, shes none too impressed about the now 13 year age gap, says she probably wouldnt have pursued it if she had known. I dont think thats a judgemental thing, that he would try to avoid, she just feels too young to be with a 35 year old man So she obviously couldnt handle the truth...

Nichola said:

...again, I've been on both sides.

Byron said:

do you mean you've been the one telling the lies? Tell me more? If you domt mind that is...would help to hear the other side

Today i have learnt the truth about a lot of things , things i belived to be the truth for 7 months.
Now i have to rethink everything i belived
it sucks

Nichola said:

Hope youre ok pet

itll all work out in the end, you gotta beleive that

Thanks petal, im gonna get drunk now lol
[Edited 3/8/06 10:57am]

Nichola said:

Great idea have one for me and take care of yourself

susannah said:

Yeah, told them and have had them told to me...and all that really happens is that you put off the inevitable. In my case I didn't do so in order to try and gain anything or have any advantage...it was a coping mechanism I utilized to help myself deal with a very spiritually and emotionally empty phase in my life. I ended up in a relationship at what ended up being the tail end of that phase, but that mechanism was already in place...it was too scary to suddenly stop it. Should have had a stronger character and know not to let anyone into my life, and for a long time that's exactly what I did...for years I kept my emotional distance from everyone, even close friends. But this time, I didn't.

Of course defense/coping mechanisms like that are a horribly lousy way of dealing with things and it ultimately does more harm than the temporary "good" you think you're achieving...but as they say mistakes are only mistakes if you don't learn and grow from them. I realize every choice I've made in my life and see the results of the experiences born from them. I know myself a million times better than I did 10 years ago...hell, even 5 years ago. Mainly it's because I refuse to ignore the realities of myself, my actions, my decisions, my experiences, so that life can be "easier". I look at other people's decisions that end up hurting me in the same light, not just my own.

Byron said:

Im glad you've grown and learnt from the experience in time

Thats really quite spot on what you've said. This guy seems to be quite distant too, he's told her he's scared of falling for her, or anyone I suppose. She says he's been hurt bad in the past and admits that he doesnt want it to happen again. Maybe this is his way of coping too. hmmm I dont know, i dont think we know enough to know that.

susannah said:

Yeah...it would depend on how well he knows himself. I spent a lot of time in solitude thinking and rethinking at the time of like the prior ten years of my life, every thought and feeling...did lots of journaling, talking with my neice (who's more like my best friend) and being open with her...she was the first family member I was completely emotionally honest with. And you do reach that point where you understand yourself so much better and understand why your soul had to go thru what it did and how it helped you get to the point you're at now.

If this guy is in a similar mindset, I dunno...it could all just be bullshit on his part aimed at the "conquest"...say whatever and do whatever to conquer someone or something, be it a job position or someone's body. One huge sign would be if he tries to minimize his own falsehoods instead of acknowledging their significance.

Byron said:

Thankyou so much Byron, youre a gem. I guess she'll just have to talk to him and make a judgement as to whether its a conquest thing or it has something to do with more serious emotional issues. I'm more inclined to go with the issues, but then what do I know the bottom line it would seem is just to talk to him

susannah said:

it just depends you know. Are they in love?

If not, let it be. If there's great sex...stay and unwind in passion.

You don't have to worry about the truth unless your'e infected with disease.
.

AlienX2050 said:

They havent been seeing each other for that long, its not that serious, but she thought there was potential...

let it be is good advice, you only live once etc!

And im hoping there are no diseases involved!