We've all been thorough it. So, tell me.

i killed myself.

I move on pretty quick. Rip up any pictures you have of them anyhting that could start you wallowing in self pity and remembering how great it supposedly used to be. Remember that you broke up for a reason. I go out and find someone else as soon as possible and usually better looking than the last one i had. If you end up with someone not as good looking as the previous one then you will find yourself looking back at the last one and getting depressed. Move on quick. Don't look back.

Well,I don't plan to kill myself But, I do want to move on with my life and not sit around and cry my eyes out. Four years is hard to put behind you!

I tend to take the long and windy route. It takes me FOREVER to get over things like that. But time is all you really need.

It will probably take longer with a relationship that last 4 years. I have never been with anyone that long so it will be easier for me.

seriously, watching funny movies helpsa lot and just staying busy. it's really easy to find yourself sulking, which is natural, but the quicker you move on the faster you'll be over it, but don't ever forget the good parts.

The most important thing as Carrie said is time.

I've only had to deal with one breakup, and it took me a good year to get over it. Time will heal those wounds.

Time. Specifically, a long time with zero contact.

SeattleInvasion said:

The worse part is that we have been friends since we were 18 years old. I'm now 30 so he wants to still have contact with me on a "friendship" level. That is not an easy step.

Butterscotch said:

Don't do it.
That sounds awful, I know. Cause this person's been a part of your life for so long. But you need time away to take care of yourself.
Eventually, you may be able to make it work. But in my experience, it's just confusing for everyone and drags out the whole 'break-up' process. When you're ready to be friends again you can be.

Butterscotch said:

Well, you know the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else

CarrieMpls said:

I said the exact same thing, but you know it may be his way of coping with the situation. Not a fair thing to do. But, people want what they want.

DynamicSavior said:

Been there, done that!

Spats said:

yeah, but what if your significant other was the most beautiful person in the world?

You have to look out for yourself first. Stay away.

CarrieMpls said:

Right. If a person really wants to be your friend, they will want that 3 months, or 6 months, or a year later. Until then, block emails and assign them a silent ringtone.

Sucks, though.

Spats said:

yeah, but what if "yourself" is completely bound up with the "other"?
what if looking out for yourself means never trying to "move on" but just suffering it out your unrequited love, your unhappy love, tragically until you die? could that be considered "looking out for yourself"?

True. Look out for yourself in a positive way that will make your life better.

HiinEnkelte said:

If it's what you want for yourself, I think that's fine, as long as you permit the other person to go after what they want as well.

Most of us want to be happy, though.

HiinEnkelte said:

No.
Because that's no kind of life. You have to move on, even if moving on means learning how to be happy without anyone 'special' in your life. You can't pine away forever. You can reminisce fondly, I suppose... But you can't wait your whole life for someone to come to their senses and come back to you.

HiinEnkelte said:

We've known each other for so long. It will be difficut to seperate completely. Honestly, I consider him my best friend. But, I don't want to be emotionally connected to him on that level any longer. We are not on the same page in our lives.

Went through a depression and lost 20 pounds and didn't work for a week though!! Locked in house and didn't come out!! But now i have a better a boy younger, and meaner and stands up for himself instead of me continue providing and being the decision maker!!

One before thatin 2002 of spring, i celebrated!!!

One before that of maybe 4 yrs whatever was hard a little but no depression though

One in 1997 celebrated also.

saintsation said:

Are you with the same spanish dude?

The one thing you cant do is push it. Time is very important. You can try to speed up the process by say, going out on the rebound, or forcing yourself to stop being upset, but youll only end up in denial. Then one day you will realise youre fine, youre over it.

If you've known each other for that long chances are your long term friendship will work out If thats what you want. Carrie makes a fair point, but its different for everyone. I was with my ex for 3 years when we broke up, and we realised that we werent as close to any of our friends anymore, so we depended on each other. We still turned to each other when we were brought down by the break up, which was only possible, I think, becuase there were no hard feelings and no 3rd party involved, and we still cared for each other. So now, a year later, were over each other in that sense, but still best friends, and still tell each other everything ight work for you might not...

But also, for me, wine, chocolate, movies, and knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Youve got to keep beleiving that, and know that you just have to be patient and wait for the storm to pass.

PS Hang in there Butterscotch

DynamicSavior said:

Yes and no!!! I have a boy coming from new orleans i met 3 months ago on line and face to face in january here. He coming up here tomorrow. He is mix with irish, black, white and asian. Man that my latin dude i hate giving him up , he is sooooo nice and innocent. Went to bar with him last night and movies saturday just setting myself up for muscle failure!!

Oh, and I also suggest Greg Behrendt's books, "He's Just Not That Into You" ( <-- even if that's not actually the case, the book is worth reading) and "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken". Nothing really profound, but they provide a good reality check and are funny. Laughter is always helpful.

susannah said:

Thanks Sususanh! I apreciate that!

I would love to continue to have a friendship with him if that is all I can have of him. I have always said his friendship meant more to me than anything. He is a very special person to me.

saintsation said:

goodness gracious. I'm kinda having man trouble too. One of my co-workers is supposed to introduce me to her cousin, I just met the guy of my dreams, and the love of my life is moving back to Pennsylvania. Life's a bitch.