DynamicSavior said:

No, your friend dropped you; after you perpetuated a conflict in her own home and unfairly made her choose.

Dewrede said:

I didn't ignore her. When she came up the steps, I spoke, she spoke back, hardly, then I continued my conversation. I kinda feel wrong for making her choose, but now I don't have to deal with either of them. So I don't care anymore.

PurpleKnight said:

NO, Selina didn't have to say ANYTHING to me. And she eventually would've told me that if Selina and I couldn't get along, then she wasn't gonna want to have to deal with me.

Yes , you do care , apparently
you started this thread
[Edited 2/20/06 20:08pm]

Dewrede said:

I'm saying, I really don't give a fuck about either of them anymore. This is what I get for dealing with females.

Hey DS! Step back and chill for a minute. There is a lot of info missing for me here that maybe you can clarify. Was your girl Toya and Selina in the Army together? If so, maybe that is why they have a bond you don't understand. Being a Vet myself, it is a strange bond that cannot be explained. You and Selina obviously had beef from the get go and Toya was the prize. There was no need to fight over her. A true friend can whitstand many friendships. This fight sounds possessive. Is Selina's feelings for Toya more than friendship? Maybe that is why the girl is fighting you so hard. Secondly, friends find their ways back towards each other. If your friend is as tight with you as you think then you two will definitely talk again. You were definitely wrong for clowning in that girl's house. I would have told Toya the truth and told her you do not feel comfortable in their house because of your strained relationship or lack their of. Selina picked up on your "fuck that bitch" attitude and went for it. The ace was in her hand because she knew Toya was not going to chose you over her. "They live together!" Hello! That should have been the clue for you sweety. Ultimatims are always bad. Toya should not have let you two argue in her presence if she cared about either of your feelings. I have friends like that and check them with that mess. If you can't keep your cool around me and what is going on then you have to leave and I will call you later. Find out what is really bothering you and talk to your friend when you are calm, sweety!

I have to side with Dewrede. Put yourself in Toya's place. Your in her house with her roommate being rude. You wouldn't put up with someone ignoring you in your own home would you? You and the roommate don't have to be buddies, but because you're the guest you have to be civil. You should have been the bigger person in that situation. I think you know right now the Selina is telling Toya your just a jealous MF, because that's exactly how it looks.
[Edited 2/20/06 20:19pm]

DynamicSavior said:

Come one!!! Stop tripping! You are just upset and hurt right now. You need a huge bottle of and to let it out:bawl:. And a bunch of these to get you through this hump. Keep your head up and have faith. And all female friends are not trifling. Just like all men are not trifling. You just have to be very damn selective. K?

ShySlantedEye1 said:

No, they weren't. Selina is a high school teacher.

It's because they both have vaginas.

I didn't want it to come to that. I always thought that the friend of my friend is my friend. Selina doesn't like men so.....


BELIEVE me I was NOT going to fight over some chick over another chick friend or not. But she always treated Selina better so now she can treat her like the queen she wants to be treated with out my interruption.

You know what? That's some rumor going around that they're "Lesbian Lovers" and I've ALWAYS had Toya's back on this because she's not gay, and I've been defending her left and right. But they do act like lovers so....


Hopefully not.

Selina was the one who got in my face first. There was NO need for that whatsoever. I acknowleged her, and went back to talking to Toya because that's who I went there to see. I told Toya I had issues with coming over there, and wouldn't do so if there was gonna be a problem. Once she assured me that there wasn't going to be one, I flew over there. I love Toya to death, and me and Selina are the only 2 friends she has in the city.

I only developed that attitude AFTER I tried to make some sort of peace with her. But she wasn't having it. And I'll be damned if I try to make someone like me. Especially if it's someone I hardly know in the first place. And Toya told me horror stories about her before so i knew what to expect. I just didn't want to judge her before I met her but now it seems like it wouldn't have mattered if I would've done that or not. Because now I see what kind of person she is.


EXACTLY. And that's the way I felt. Toya didn't say ANYTHING during that whole ordeal. Only until after we exchanged words and I was flying towards the door I heard Toya say "Sis,(what she calls her...) you need to go lay down." And Selina talks to Toya like SHIT. Personally, I wouldn't take that. And that's another reason I don't like her. I NEVER talked to Toya like that. Not even joking. So that turned me off a LOT about her. I mean, if she talked to Toya like that, and they're best friends, then how would she talk to ME? We'll see. Maybe God wants us to be friends, or maybe not. Whatever happens I'll just roll with it.

littlemissG said:

Lord I already said I spoke to Selina as SOON as she came in the house. And she was just like "df;ladkjsf;adfjasd;f" under her breath. So I said to myself "whatever. I spoke."

ShySlantedEye1 said:

You know what? I like you. You came in here with some sense. Everyone else is trying so hard to make me seem like the bad guy. I'll be alright. I won't lose any sleep over this. Maybe this is something we're supposed to go through, and in the end, we'll be friends again and better ones than before. I don't like that Selina chick. I don't like the way she treats Toya at all, and she wouldn't stand up to Selina, so I did. If I'm wrong for that, then so be it.

ShySlantedEye1 said:

Pretty much what I was gonna say too. DS is having a rant, we are here to listen and sympathise. Different folks would react differently in the same situation, doesn't mean you were wrong. Anyway, when you are feeling better, give Toya a call and apologise if you still want her friendship, I am sure she will have you back.

I wasn't trying to make you seem like the bad guy

charlottegelin said:

I don't want to apologize and I don't want an apology. I want her to get rid of Selina because she is a thorn in the side of our friendship. She has ALWAYS been some sort of irritation and it's annoying. I mean, I understand that they're best friends and all, but what's up with me saying "Toya, let's go to the movies" or something and her saying "I don't know. Let me see what Sis thinks.." That's the type of relationship they have an I don't like it at all. I don't trust it. So i'll let her deal with Selina instead of me.

DynamicSavior said:

well can't help you then!

charlottegelin said:

That's alright. At least I still have my hag who happens to be the coolest chick on the planet.

Check your notes.

Dynamic, here's what I wanna say on this situation. I totally feel you for not wanting to have any drama because l*rd knows we have enough to deal with as it is. That being said, I think it's so stupid of Selina to start that unnecessary drama with you, but that said, she knew you were going to precipitate it -- she was looking for a rise out of you (that's what it seems like from what you typed out). Toya is caught in a very compromising situation, she wants to be your friend and Selina's, plus she wants to be everything to everyone. You can't really do that and not take sides or have a skewed view of someone because another's bound to get their feelings hurt.

In this case, I think it wasn't cool of you to make her choose between you or Selina because you already know how toxic s**t is amongst y'all. Toya was probably siding with Selina on the strength because 1) she lives with her, 2) she has more of an immediate rapport with her and 3) that's her best friend. I know Toya's your best friend, too, but you should put your pride aside for a minute and let things cool down between you and Selina (I KNOW SHE STARTED IT! but, somebody's gotta be the bigger woman) and in that case it would be you. So Selina's wrong in the scenario you just describe, but ultimately you'll be in the right if you take the higher, nobler rode.

My

oh my, this sort of thing has happened to me. i lost my oldest friend, w/ whom i went to kindergarten together, because i told her about an old family secret that she WANTED to know... talk about shooting the messenger!

it hurts, but maybe you're better off... and consider the possibility that someday she could wise up and come back to you.

I agree with PapaSmurf and PurpleKnight on this one.

The only person who had any degree of objectivity during the argument was Toya, and she's sided against you and with Selina.

Perhaps you should examine your true feelings a little more? Are you a little envious of the place Selina has taken in your friend's life? Toya is obviously very important to you. Maybe you need to explain how you feel to her and hope to mend the rift before it becomes permanent.

Unfortunately, if you manage to alienate your friend the only person who has really lost out in all of this is you. I hope you can make up and learn to be tolerant of Selina, as it seems like Toya has made a choice to keep her in her life.

The way i see it you are in the wrong.
first of all i reckon her friend was making an effort and talking to you and waving to you.
You could have said "im sorry i didnt see you" or something like that, but instead you chose to create a scene with her in her own house too.
Secondly i wouldnt advice you to go around giving ultimatums to friends, she couldnt have been that much of a friend if you do that.
Thirdly you then come in here and post about it hoping that everyone will side with you.it must be an ego thing or something.

I dont have a problem with you i find your posts enjoyable, but you were out of order on this occasion.

I can't decide if this is some junior high shit or some elementary shit

I've been in situations somewhat like this. It all looks like a power struggle to me.

I don't think you were wrong, Dynamic. IMO Toya is to blame for allowing this situation to escalate to where it did. It almost seems to me that she facilitated or at least didn't do anything to stop you and Selina from locking horns, when she is the ONLY one who can calm you both. Some people really enjoy having others fight over them...even if they pretend to sort of protest. As grotesque as it may be, I've seen people act this way.

The whole thing and the answer to your ultimatum revolved around who was going to pamper her ego more. And in this case Selina, who she lives with and sees much more often then you is the obvious choice.

It was a mistake to make Toya choose, if you wanted to keep her as your friend.

I do think that you may be better off without her in the long run. She sounds manipulative. Good luck, and next time find a friend who is as honest and serious about preserving your friendship as you are!

Dewrede said:

Bullshit, if one acts like a fucking idiot one should be treated like a fucking idiot no matter if it's one's house or not... (What the fuck does someone's habitat have to do with common courtesy? Just because I live somewhere I have the full right to be a fucking retard to anyone who visits my place?? What kind of retarded thinking is that?)

Neversin.

Neversin said:

its called manners if anyone ever spoke to me like that in my house i'd wipe the smile off their face.
In fact to tell you the truth i just wouldnt have anyone in my house that i didnt like,mutual friend or not.

muirdo said:

So you condone interupting someone's conversation (talk about a lack of manners) but not getting called out on it because THAT would display a lack of manners? Typical backwards thinking...


Me neither...

Neversin.

JANFAN4L said:

And you're absolutely right. I only bluffed that ultimatum to see where her head was. I thought she'd tell me to calm down, stop talking like that, and try to work something out, but instead she BLATANTLY told me "You know what? I'm gonna be on Selina's side." Point blank, which I kinda knew she was gonna say that because they have some kind of weird ass bond. But that's okay with me. I'm not the only friend of Toya's that Selina has "scared" off. But if she wants Selina as her ONLY friend, then so be it.

Reincarnate said:

I am in NO way jealous of Selina and Toya's relationship. I do have other friends, and besides, I hardly saw Toya anyway, unless I ran into her somewhere or she came into town because I REFUSED to go that house to see her. Then the one time I decide to be a good friend and go, this shit happens. See what I get for being a friend?

CalhounSq said:

You read my mind. That's the FIRST thought that jumped in my head when Selina was like "you can't wave to nobody!?!?" Like we're in the fucking hallway at school or something.