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Your Valentine's Day Survival Guide Drugstore windows might make you believe that today is all about happy, loving couples wallowing in bliss. But if you're single, you know better, right? So here's a minute-by-minute plan to get you through Valentine's Day without cursing Cupid under your breath.
4:55AM: Savor your solo sleep Set your alarm to go off with the most annoying ring at least 90 minutes early. When it does, take three ice cubes and apply them directly to the skin on your calf. Realize that when you’re married to someone, you have to put up with his or her sleeping habits and cold toes every day of the year. Shudder, then drift back into a grateful sleep. 7:09AM: Love what you eat Start your day off right with the following power breakfast: Take whole-grain waffle out of freezer. Examine it, put it back in. Take ice cream out of freezer; place three scoops in bowl. Heat up hot fudge and drizzle on top; add cookies or brownies as needed. Because, seriously, who's going to know or nag at you if you decide to start your day in this sugar-rific way? 8:43AM: Bloom with happiness Sure, it'd be nice to get flowers from a secret (or totally obvious) admirer. But having a special someone is only part of what makes having a bouquet so amazing. Flowers still look and smell great when you're single, so head to a flower shop and buy any flowers you like (yellow and purple tulips, perhaps?). You'll feel happy every time you glance at them, and pity those suckers who got a bunch of crummy carnations from their special someone. 9:18AM: Wink at fate Saunter in to work 15 to 30 minutes late. If anyone asks you why you were delayed, just grin and say, "I guess I was caught up in the Valentine's spirit!" They'll be too mortified to ask for details on what they're thinking. Nobody has to know your idea of Valentine’s spirit just meant you made time to clip your toenails this morning. 10:20AM: Be a powerhouse Move everything on your "to-do" list for the entire week onto your tasks for the day. As you plow through work, calls, and reports, you'll be too busy to take time to feel sorry for yourself. By the time lunch rolls around, you"ll be so relieved to just take a minute to answer simple e-mails and check the weather that you won"t even notice that it's V-Day. 1:48PM: Get in the money Jump-start your upcoming fiscal year by visiting irs.gov and taking a 10-minute break to start in on your own taxes -- two whole months early! This will totally distract you from worrying about your love life, you see. 3:12PM: Drink to another year of success Firm up your reputation as the cool one at work by calling a 5 p.m. brainstorming session to cope with an office crisis, then "spontaneously" suggesting you hold it at a nearby bar. Everyone thinks you're trying to take the misery out of the problem-solving session and loves you for it ... You guarantee yourself an alibi if anyone asks you nervously if you did anything on Valentine's Day ("Oh, me and some coworkers just went out to a bar.") 6:00PM: Stamp out temptation After work, do not, under any circumstances, check the mail. Best-case scenario: It's full of love letters from old flames saying they can no longer live without you. In this case, you'll find those tomorrow and respond as necessary. Worst-case scenario: The mailbox contains only bills and subscription renewal forms. Extra-worst case scenario? There's a Valentine’s Card from your grandma or a pitying married sibling. 8:21PM: Energize yourself Head to the local video store in an effort to avoid icky V-Day TV programs. As you wander the aisles, take a good look at the couples around you. Remember, you've chosen to come get a movie, while these poor saps are faced with the pressure to do something romantic ... and the best they could come up with is renting a movie?!? 8:30PM: Rent a date Settle on a great non-date movie. You've got two genres to pick from: Action and Overreactions. The first is any movie that's totally engrossing, but romance-free: Think the 'Die Hards,' 'The Rundown,' and any campy horror film. (Bonus: All of these should be in stock.) Or get a movie that revels in the downside of relationships: Think Alfie, Your Friends And Neighbors, or Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? 8:55PM: Work your wit Before starting the movie, flip to the Westminster Dog Show, which broadcasts today. Nickname entrants after the appropriate ex based on how foolish they look when they trot around the ring. 8:45AM, February 15: Do something sweet At the grocery store, buy packages of your favorite Valentine's candy for half price and don't share with anyone. Hey, this is your holiday, after all! | |
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clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
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Moderator | Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture! REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince "I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben |
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Valentine's day? I am absolutely CONVINCED it'z Halloween!! All those heartz are supposed to be all bloody and stuff! So evilkaneivel! Muhahahha. Don't forget to go trick or treating be sure to visit the houses producing da most noise...if ya know what i mean! No hablo espanol,no!
Pero hablo ingles..ssii muy muy bien... "Come into my world..." Missy Quote of da Month: "yeah, sure, that's cool...wait WHAT?! " | |
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I might pretend it is not happening this year. | |
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lilmissmissy said: Valentine's day? I am absolutely CONVINCED it'z Halloween!! All those heartz are supposed to be all bloody and stuff! So evilkaneivel! Muhahahha. Don't forget to go trick or treating be sure to visit the houses producing da most noise...if ya know what i mean!
Aztec style! Just watched a very cool doco on the fall of the Aztec civilization No hablo espanol,no!
Pero hablo ingles..ssii muy muy bien... "Come into my world..." Missy Quote of da Month: "yeah, sure, that's cool...wait WHAT?! " | |
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Ya know....I've been single for every V Day of ym life so far. I'm pretty sure I'm not missing anything. The candy is tasty though. "A Watcher scoffs at gravity!" | |
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Nobody has to know your idea of Valentine’s spirit just meant you made time to clip your toenails this morning.
i like being single. it doesn't mean there aren't any men in my life, it just means i don't have to pick up after them | |
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meow85 said: Ya know....I've been single for every V Day of ym life so far. I'm pretty sure I'm not missing anything. The candy is tasty though.
and cheaper on wednesday | |
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charlottegelin said: I might pretend it is not happening this year.
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TMPletz said: charlottegelin said: I might pretend it is not happening this year.
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charlottegelin said: TMPletz said: | |
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TMPletz said: charlottegelin said: actually now I HAVE something to look forwards to! | |
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charlottegelin said: TMPletz said: actually now I HAVE something to look forwards to! | |
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TMPletz said: charlottegelin said: actually now I HAVE something to look forwards to! and so do you! | |
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charlottegelin said: TMPletz said: and so do you! | |
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notorious, you have actually put a smile on my face...thank you so much for this u have sought of cheered me up for the day.... I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince. | |
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I bought some heart-shaped candy I'll give to my students when they'll be reading a text on the origin of Valentine's day.
I'm not going to see my boyfriend tomorrow. But he thinks it's bullshit anyway. | |
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MarieLouise said: I'm not going to see my boyfriend tomorrow. But he thinks it's bullshit anyway.
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TMPletz said: MarieLouise said: I'm not going to see my boyfriend tomorrow. But he thinks it's bullshit anyway.
Complaining about it makes me get some hugs...so that's fine with me. | |
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just another day for me. work 9-1, class 2-4, class 6-10 and then sleep. i think i'll be okay. | |
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charlottegelin said: meow85 said: Ya know....I've been single for every V Day of my life so far. I'm pretty sure I'm not missing anything. The candy is tasty though.
and cheaper on wednesday 50% off! "A Watcher scoffs at gravity!" | |
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