MarieLouise said:

When i was about 12 years, there were two girls in my class that were very mean like that, mostly towards each other, but the whole class was of course affected by it. Finally, the teacher had enough, and we got help from a therapist, that talked to us individually, as a group, and the two girls together. After that, everything got much better, and even though they didn`t become best friends, they learned to treat each other with respect. The whole class enviroment became so much better.

I hope everything turns out okay, because after reading your posts, i know you`re a wonderful teacher, and i hope you know that. I`ve seen a teacher sit and watch a kid get punched, while he just laughed, and teacher`s humiliating kids in front of the entire class, but no one so willing to make the class a better place.

Shorty said:

Yes, everyone one has it.

The only sports the seem to practise willingly is masturbation when watching porn.

I didn't make that up, that's what one of them told me. Great info.

Icicle said:

That's a very sweet comment.

I know I have to find my way as a teacher, and if I were to teach to a new group I would certainly do some things differently from the beginning.

But even then, education stays a very individual thing. It's very very hard to do good for every individual and the group at the same time, both in didactic, social and psychological terms.

But most of the time, I love to teach. And I want to keep doing it. I just hope there will be a way out of those. Those stress-pictures in the other thread are spinning around like crazy.

It just makes me feel really really bad, right now.

I don't know what to say, I hope their will be a solution.

But isn't this only a temporary job? I hope for you it is and that you can find a better one soon.

isadora said:

It's temporary, yeah, but I've been working there since September now. Only change is that I only teach Dutch to two classes (4 hours each), one of them is the really shitty one.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure you have the chance to encounter problems like this in every school.

But there's a problem with the school-mentality. You have to fit in, and otherwise you leave. But to expell students is not that simple, and that's the main problem they're having now.

I think your headmaster needs to take this stuation more seriously, and telling you that one of the boys is in love with you is just bizarre, even if it is true. How is that going to help the situation? Their presence sounds very disruptive and affects the whole class. As a new teacher you should not be left to deal with this alone.

I would go and talk to her again and ask her to do something about it.


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[Edited 1/24/06 10:21am]

I work with kids and we all have days like this. Sometimes weeks like this. I adore my kids and for the most part they love me right back, but there will always come a time when they'll test. Or take their shit out, especially when you have kids dealing with stuff kids shouldn't have to deal with. Most of my kids have absent parents, substance abuse or physical abuse in the home, etc. Most of the time I love coming to work, but there are those days when I just want to cry. But it will get better and you'll remember again why you love being a teacher.

And on the subject of your colleague: that idiot needs to be disciplined. A teacher should never talk to another teacher like that, especially in front of the kids. Not only is it humiliating for you, it's confusing and damaging to the kids. I would talk to the headmaster and insist that that teacher be disciplined for her unprofessional conduct. Talk about incompetent!

LleeLlee said:

I think 'in love' is indeed a strange wording; but it's clear he has been asking my attention for a long time and is now doing it in a very negative way.

I'm having a chat with one of the boys and the headmaster (the female one, the upper boss doesn't want to handle these things) on Thursday. Maybe that will help, but then another one will start.

I had a talk with the other 'difficult' boy last week (the one whose father is in prison), telling him what disturbed me and what I appreciated. The following lessons he was much calmer.

But yesterday the other one (whom I'm going to talk with on Thursday) yelled 'what the hell, why are you being such a nerdy sissy?, acting all nice and stuff?'

At that moment the situation changed again. It's a circle.

MarieLouise said:

It's nice that you can influence them, but you're not gonne be able to do that by yourself, I'm afraid. Don't blame yourself if they don't want to listen to you. Isn't there a 'groene leerkracht', a teacher they can trust? Or the CLB? But they probably know the boys and their problems and wait till they leave

MarieLouise said:

They are being very disrespectful in the class and I would ask them to stay behind and talk to them about this. Tell them that as their teacher (not their friend) that you're going to have to consider excluding them from the class if they dont start being more productive and less disruptive. You have other pupils that also deserve your attention and as a result of the boys behaviour the rest of the class is suffering.

As for helping them in terms of any personal issues they have it is difficult. Not only are you their teacher but you might also be the only person that they can turn to. But dont do this alone, is there anybody they can talk to about personal problems, i.e a school councillor etc?

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[Edited 1/24/06 12:43pm]

also, I think you might need to draw a greater distinction between friend and teacher in a classroom setting.

Teaching can be hell but days like the one you had today are usually few and far between. Try not to get too dis-heartened.

..
[Edited 1/24/06 12:49pm]

I understand you frustration, but you can show fear. Have you tried removing them from the class room? Maybe some time sitting in the hallway to calm down then telling them what is expected will do the trick. If you get lip at that point I think you should escort them to the principal's or headmaster's office.

I'm not a teacher, and it's probably a good thing because I would open the door and tell them not to come back until if they can't follow the rules.

Have the boys' parents been alerted to the problems? I think they need to be, and in very serious terms.

Also, I've found that splitting up groups of troublemakers--not just on the other side of the room from each other, but in separate classrooms, period, is a good way to halt this type of behavior, because those boys feed off of each other and are trying to impress/out-do each other.

I've been there...

Boy have I.... jeez.

MarieLouise, I don't know how you do it but we need more people like you in our schools, teachers who actually care and want to do something to help those kids who seem beyond it.

AnotherLoverToo said:

The parents have been alerted by various teachers and the headmaster and they don't care or blame the school. One of the boys' father is in jail.

Both boys (and three others in this classroom, with whom I haven't had problems so far, but other teachers have) have been put in different classrooms, couldn't even enter the classroom during one week, had to make an alternative task AND had to carry some kind of card. Every teacher had to evaluate their behaviour, and work in class, every hour of the day.

Pretty much has been done. The only thing that hasn't been tried, as far as I know, is some serious chats with therapists, or at least people whose job is to understand these kind of problems, instead of people like me, with a passion for literature or mathematics, who want to help but whose strength/power is limited an vulnerable (or even harmful for other students). I don't think I can do much more. I'll try and talk with them on Thursday, if that doesn't help, I'll consider phoning the parents . That's pretty much what I can do. I can't force them to grow up.

It was just frightening to feel threatened for the first time, during these first months of working-experience.

Thanks everyone for listening and for your support and hugs. I appreciate it very much. At least I could rant about it, and by writing about it putting it again in perspective.

MarieLouise.

My sister is a teacher and she has really tough times too. So much work, so much care and then so little reward. You are all angels.

I don't know how all you teachers do it, I really don't. I would never have the patience or compassion to teach unwilling children.

Don't let it rock your confidence. It doesn't sound like you're getting much support from the headmaster and headmistress. Is there anything you can say or do to get them to take the situation more seriously?

I hope things get better soon.

xxx

That teacher is an idiot for telling you that.


My mom's friend is also a teacher, she teach's 5th or 6th grade...she was trying to break up a fight and they jumped on her, she had bruises on her arm. Well I guess you have to love kids. I hope everything turns out ok for you.