Hi just thought for the New Year I would start a group for those of us who normally try to please others before ourselves.
One of my resolutions is going to be to try not to be such a people pleaser.
Who's with me on this?

Here goes:

Hi, my name is Valory and I am a chronic people pleaser...




First step is admitting the problem- Ahhh- I feel better already..






Also- It is free to join and for the naked orgers, you are more then welcome to join also!!!
[Edited 1/1/06 10:56am]

Guess I am the only ppl pleaser here. Could i get some pointers on how to stop???

shanti0608 said:

Nahhh, there are many.. this year I am gonna be the bitch from hell..

REDFEATHERS said:

Me too!

shanti0608 said:

Who am I kidding?

Anybody got any pointers?

shanti0608 said:

Set your terms and don't back down. Play hardball.

heartbeatocean said:

I'll try...

Hello, my name is Michael...

And I AM a Prince Pleaser.

What?

I am in the wrong room?

Oh okay,

That Anonymous meeting is down the hall?

What are you all doing here then?

MickG said:

You are too funny!!!!
Humorous even with a hangover..

shanti0608 said:

You can do it!!! But first you have to get very clear on what your terms are. Take some time to reflect on what YOU want and need, then ask for it. Be proactive and get support, i.e. someone on your side. What works best for me, is if I focus on my dreams, and then design my actions and requests around them. Shoot for the highest bar. Then people will start following you instead of you following them.

heartbeatocean said:

Thanks!
I have a hard time figuring out the fine line between setting boundaries and being a bitch. I do not want someone to follow me, I just want to stop worrying about everyone elses needs. My needs get stepped on in the process.
I also hate coming across as selfish.
I have had lots of alone time lately to think about this.. Maybe too much!

shanti0608 said:

I think alone time is really healthy for finding ourselves and our true thoughts. If you become very clear about what your boundaries are, you won't come across as a bitch when you expess them. And you can practice nice ways of saying it beforehand.

You're not being selfish by setting boundaries. On the other hand, you'll have a lot more positive energy to give to others if they are respected.

What I meant by "following" is that you won't be in a reactive mode and people will respect and admire you more, even if at first they feel a little shock by the change. Not that it matters what they think. It's your truth.

heartbeatocean said:

I need to totally reprogram my way of thinking and reacting...
It's hard to change the way you have been for so many years...

I would join, but that would please you WOULDN'T IT?

littlemissG said:

Especially since you are in the Org nude club also!

shanti0608 said:

I've been there. And I worked very, very hard for years and years to change it around and develop different habits and ways of relating to people. And I succeeded!!! Even then, I still have to be alert and struggle a lot to work things out as they come up. But I do and thus avoid that horrible swampy feeling for the most part. Good Luck!

You could say I'm an elder member of the PPA. One of those people you can call when you're having a weak moment.

heartbeatocean said:

Thanks- seems like there's not too many ppl who want to join my club...

I appreciate your advice!

sosgemini said:

Damn- we already have an escapee...

shanti0608 said:[quote]

sosgemini said:

I luckily do not have those kinds of people pleaser issues....

I am working on this also. "Blessed are the peacemakers..." but, I have had to learn that there is a fine line. It usually occurs when you notice that you are constantly sacrificing how you feel and what you need for the sake of not making anyone angry or uncomfortable. I have notied that I am not very assertive in workplace situations. I am learning how to curb that with the help of a friend who in turn, needs me to help her know when to shut up. It's all about balance people... Maybe we can post situations this year, when they arise, dealing with this issue to help each other out.
[Edited 1/5/06 10:40am]

shanti0608 said:

I hear ya, I'm the same way. It's frustrating, isn't it?

psychodelicide said:

Yes it is. I have been this way since the day I was born...

you folks need to give me tips, I am not managing to please anyone right now

nilegettolrahc said:

shanti0608 said:

Me too, that and being raised to be nice and to not piss people off. Well, guess what, I'm sick of being nice at times, especially when they step on my toes or piss ME off.

JediTodd said:

well, you're the only one

well I don't really need to go to PPA, I need to go to TTTS Anonymous

TTTS = Take Things Too Seriously

Sometimes I can take the litle things a little too far...i get caught up between not trying to feel foolish by letting things go, but then when I bitch, whine, and moan about it, then I actually feel foolish anyway when it is all said and done with. I really need to work on this, although, i've been this way my whole life