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Reply #30 posted 12/20/05 11:54am

BigSanta

avatar

hey what are you tryin' to do? make BigSanta look bad? disbelief I make miracles happen. BELIEVE....BELIEVEEEEE!
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. smile
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Reply #31 posted 12/20/05 11:56am

LleeLlee

BigSanta said:

hey what are you tryin' to do? make BigSanta look bad? disbelief I make miracles happen. BELIEVE....BELIEVEEEEE!


Isn't that Jesus? confused
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Reply #32 posted 12/20/05 11:57am

BigSanta

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LleeLlee said:

BigSanta said:

hey what are you tryin' to do? make BigSanta look bad? disbelief I make miracles happen. BELIEVE....BELIEVEEEEE!


Isn't that Jesus? confused


NO! lol
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. smile
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Reply #33 posted 12/20/05 12:08pm

theAudience

avatar

Let's all have a singalong...



... mad



tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #34 posted 12/20/05 12:20pm

purplekisses

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ah hem.... this coming from a person whom sent a most excellent xmas gift to someone this year hmmm
If U don't know someone with Autism....... U will...... April is Autism awareness month.... please get involved....
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Reply #35 posted 12/20/05 12:25pm

EskomoKisses

avatar

theAudience said:

Let's all have a singalong...



... mad



tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431



The first song on my HolidayMix 2005 biggrin
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Reply #36 posted 12/20/05 12:27pm

jerseykrs

Google this.....


"Fear Fuck Christmas lyrics"
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Reply #37 posted 12/20/05 12:30pm

theAudience

avatar

purplekisses said:

ah hem.... this coming from a person whom sent a most excellent xmas gift to someone this year hmmm

eek shhh

Aah, this person has me confused with someone else. redface

Everybody look into my eyes, "These are not the droids you're looking for". zzz

That's better. mad

tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #38 posted 12/20/05 12:36pm

theAudience

avatar

jerseykrs said:

Google this.....


"Fear Fuck Christmas lyrics"

Now that's what i'm talkin' about


tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #39 posted 12/20/05 12:37pm

purplekisses

avatar

theAudience said:

purplekisses said:

ah hem.... this coming from a person whom sent a most excellent xmas gift to someone this year hmmm

eek shhh

Aah, this person has me confused with someone else. redface

Everybody look into my eyes, "These are not the droids you're looking for". zzz

That's better. mad

tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431



whistling


don't make me do it lol


that's ok i try to put a false image i hate it also lol
If U don't know someone with Autism....... U will...... April is Autism awareness month.... please get involved....
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Reply #40 posted 12/20/05 12:46pm

theAudience

avatar

purplekisses said:

whistling


don't make me do it lol


that's ok i try to put a false image i hate it also lol

confuse Do I know you?...



...Don't make me call my Attack Reindeer. mad


tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #41 posted 12/20/05 3:32pm

jone70

avatar

theAudience said:

A few folks beat me to the punch but nobody has stepped forward as the board's official Ebenezer Scrooge.

We'll i'll happily take the title and dodge the slings and arrows that are sure to come my way.

To prove that i'm the right person for the job, for the next few days i'll be posting Anit-Xmas memorabilia that i've collected over the years.

Enjoy. mad

Santa...Man or Myth?
Let's examine the facts.


1)
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

2)
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

3)
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them - Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, by another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

4)
600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of Reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the Reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

5)
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. Deal with it!...



...Merry Christmas or Happy Horrordays!


tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
[Edited 12/20/05 10:47am]


I'm printing this shit out to pass around after presents are opened...or should I do it before?!? hmmm

demon demon demon demon demon
The check. The string he dropped. The Mona Lisa. The musical notes taken out of a hat. The glass. The toy shotgun painting. The things he found. Therefore, everything seen–every object, that is, plus the process of looking at it–is a Duchamp.
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Reply #42 posted 12/20/05 3:50pm

theAudience

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jone70 said:

I'm printing this shit out to pass around after presents are opened...or should I do it before?!? hmmm

demon demon demon demon demon

Do it before. Let them know who the real "Santa" is.

Take the credit that is due you! mad


tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #43 posted 12/20/05 5:33pm

madartista

avatar

OH NO!!!! Not theAudience!!!!
let me come over it's a beautiful day to play with you in the dark
http://elmadartista.tumblr.com/
http://twitter.com/madartista
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Reply #44 posted 12/20/05 6:38pm

theAudience

avatar

madartista said:

OH NO!!!! Not theAudience!!!!

doh!

Aah again folks, this is another person that has me confused with someone else. disbelief
I believe there's been an Xmas lunacy outbreak around here. nuts

Everybody look into my eyes once again, "These are not the droids you're looking for". zzz


confused

tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #45 posted 12/20/05 6:45pm

purplekisses

avatar

theAudience said:

jone70 said:

I'm printing this shit out to pass around after presents are opened...or should I do it before?!? hmmm

demon demon demon demon demon

Do it before. Let them know who the real "Santa" is.

Take the credit that is due you! mad


tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431


i gonna tell on U no no no!
If U don't know someone with Autism....... U will...... April is Autism awareness month.... please get involved....
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Reply #46 posted 12/20/05 7:13pm

theAudience

avatar

purplekisses said:



i gonna tell on U no no no!

confuse Who are you?...



...Remember what I told you about my Attack Reinder. mad



tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #47 posted 12/20/05 7:22pm

purplekisses

avatar

theAudience said:

purplekisses said:



i gonna tell on U no no no!

confuse Who are you?...



...Remember what I told you about my Attack Reinder. mad



tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431



If U don't know someone with Autism....... U will...... April is Autism awareness month.... please get involved....
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Reply #48 posted 12/20/05 7:37pm

theAudience

avatar

purplekisses said:



eek


redface


tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #49 posted 12/20/05 7:42pm

purplekisses

avatar

theAudience said:

purplekisses said:



eek


redface


tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431


thatz ms. claus to U giggle
If U don't know someone with Autism....... U will...... April is Autism awareness month.... please get involved....
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Reply #50 posted 12/20/05 11:08pm

madartista

avatar

theAudience said:

madartista said:

OH NO!!!! Not theAudience!!!!

doh!

Aah again folks, this is another person that has me confused with someone else. disbelief

I'm not having it! I've seen "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" I know the evil old guy who bans toys and tries to ruin Christmas is really just waiting to get that toy he wanted as a kid!
let me come over it's a beautiful day to play with you in the dark
http://elmadartista.tumblr.com/
http://twitter.com/madartista
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Reply #51 posted 12/20/05 11:55pm

theAudience

avatar

purplekisses said:


thatz ms. claus to U giggle


madartista said:

I know the evil old guy who bans toys and tries to ruin Christmas is really just waiting to get that toy he wanted as a kid!



hmmm One comes bearing gifts and the other tries to accuse me of acting out some childhood psychodrama.

This might call for the super-stealthy...



...Ninja Reindeer mad



tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #52 posted 12/21/05 6:20am

Stax

avatar

Here is another Christmas carol for you tA...

Christmas In Hell

I don't want anything for Christmas
I wanna be naughty, not nice
We'll burn all your trees down
'cause all days in this town
it's such an ugly sight

It looks like Christmas
but you just can't tell
It's joyful and triumphant
but to me it feels just like
Christmas in hell!
Christmas in hell!
Christmas in hell!
Christmas in hell!
Christmas in hell!

I find it all so depressing
I've got no Yuletide joy
We'll teach them a lesson
We'll steal all the presents
from every girl and boy

It looks like Christmas
but you just can't tell
It's joyful and triumphant
but to me it feels just like
Christmas in hell!
Christmas in hell!
Christmas in hell!
Christmas in hell!
Christmas in hell!

candel lights and Christmas trees
we don't want any of these
gingerbread and candy canes
I'll show you what is right!

It's Christmas in hell
It's Christmas in hell
It's Christmas in hell
It's Christmas in hell
Christmas in
hell
Christmas in hell!

evillol
[Edited 12/21/05 6:21am]
a psychotic is someone who just figured out what's going on
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Reply #53 posted 12/21/05 7:44am

theAudience

avatar

Stax said:

Here is another Christmas carol for you tA...

Christmas In Hell


Thanks for the contribution, but who is this tA? confuse


I'm tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #54 posted 12/21/05 7:49am

Stax

avatar

theAudience said:

Stax said:

Here is another Christmas carol for you tA...

Christmas In Hell


Thanks for the contribution, but who is this tA? confuse


I'm tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431


I'm tAC, bitch!


lol
a psychotic is someone who just figured out what's going on
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Reply #55 posted 12/21/05 8:43am

theAudience

avatar

Stax said:

I'm tAC, bitch!


lol

Yeah, you heard him.

I'm tAC bitch!...



...And don't forget it. mad



tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #56 posted 12/21/05 10:00am

BigSanta

avatar

I'll see you on December 25th, bearing gifts
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. smile
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Reply #57 posted 12/21/05 10:05am

theAudience

avatar

Chapter 3

Here i've provided the so-called Haters with a platform to vent and what do you do?
You shrink into the shadows of shame. Content to remain lemmings going over the cliff into the abyss of the Santa Myth.

Well let me tell y'all something about these Claus people.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Santa Claus Timeline
The full and unabridged history on the Claus family.
Who they are and how they came to be



1689--Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.
1691--Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him.
1692--Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703--Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact.
1704--Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.
1705--Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.
1716--After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar artifacts, as well as the phony ones making charlatans rich. Seeing this decline, Claus decides to invest his money by starting a toy company in his native Germany.
1720--Claus Toys becomes the largest toy company in Germany, but only because of Claus' underhanded business dealings. (It was also rumored that Claus was dealing with enemy countries as well). Competitors urged government officials to begin an investigation.
1721--Enough evidence is found, and charges are drawn up against the Claus Toys Company. Claus himself refuses to release his records.
1722--The German Supreme Court finds Claus guilty of tax evasion and of treason. When news of this breaks, Claus' employees all turn against him and his company.
1723--Claus is exiled to Sicily, and shortly before leaving, he absconds with all of the company's funds.
1724--A search party is sent to the Mediterranean to recover the funds, however, Claus hears of this ahead of time, and he and his Sicilian wife flee for their lives. (Some say he went into Northern Africa, but it is generally assumed that this was only a ruse to lure the searchers off course. He is believed to have returned to his North Pole base).
1725--Claus II is born en route to the North Pole.
1725-1734--The Claus' lay low at the North Pole. Claus teaches his son the arts of toy making and business dealings.
1735--Rumor has it that Claus has hired Scandinavian builders to construct a castle for him at the North Pole, making use of almost half of the company funds.
1739--The castle is finished, and is one of the largest in the world. Claus II reaches his fifteenth birthday, and in the same year, Claus' wife dies, accidentally falling from a balcony in one of the castle's great halls.
1740--Claus, mourning his wife, becomes increasingly ill.
1745--Santa Claus II becomes of age, and begins taking care of the castle and of his sick father.
1747--Using the remaining company funds, Claus II builds a small city around the castle to attract workers and craftsmen.
1748--Word of the North Pole settlement reaches Europe. The Elves of Eastern Europe, quickly becoming political outcasts and striving for a better life, begin immigrating in waves to the North Pole.
1753--All the elves have left Eastern Europe and have become firmly established at the North Pole. Claus II begins his father's toy company once again, with an estimated 30,000 elves employed. Claus I dies, at age 89.
1755--The North Pole officially becomes a nation, and Claus II and his wife take the throne. The toy business continues to flourish, and the elves enjoy prosperity. Claus III is born.
1757--The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by Claus II to begin an ambitious project--that of breeding and training reindeer to fly.
1773--The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's major form of transportation.
1774--A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light. He becomes an outcast of the reindeer society, and is taken in by the Claus government. Claus II celebrates his 50th birthday, inviting several other world leaders for a stay at his castle. To impress them, he displays a lavish show of wealth, all at the elves' expense. He gives the other leaders the impression of a dictatorship under the guise of royalty. The elves sense this, and the seeds of rebellion are planted.
1777--As conditions become increasingly strict, the elves begin to search for a leader to lead their revolt. Rudolf, still in favor of the Claus government, sees their plight and begins thinking of ways to use it to his advantage.
1784--On his 60th birthday, Claus II takes a sleigh ride down main street during the Christmas day parade, and is assassinated by a radical faction of elves. Claus III, now 29, takes over immediately and puts martial law into effect for the whole North Pole. Civil war breaks out as Rudolf leads the Elves in rebellion.
1785-1792--The Seven-year Strike takes place. The elves refuse to make toys, and the Claus Toy Company nearly goes bankrupt, as the North Pole hits an economic low. Claus III, fearing for his life, becomes a prisoner of his own castle. Rudolf rises to the peak of his power, and sets himself as leader of the eleven communities.
1796--Rudolf and his army unsuccessfully attempt to invade Norway. Over 10,000 elves are killed.
1800--Inside the castle, unbeknownst to the elves, Claus IV is born.
1802--After a string of political blunders, Rudolf senses that he is quickly losing favor with the elves. Frosty the Snowman is built, brought to life, and used as a political scapegoat.
1804--Frosty the Snowman is melted at a public execution, and the elves are calmed of their unrest, for the moment.
1819-1826--After a long period of unrest, Rudolf is finally ousted, and Claus III, aged 71, rightfully regains the throne. Prince Claus IV is introduced to the elves publicly for the first time.
1827-1841--The Renormalization years. Claus III brings the near-bankrupt Claus Toys Company out of dormancy and appoints his son as president. In order to clear their bad name and make up for their out-of-the-way location, they decide to start the biggest advertising campaign ever. Each Christmas, Claus IV will ride all over the world, distributing free toys to children everywhere. The ad campaign becomes a hit, but remains very costly.
1837--Claus III dies.
1851--As the annual ad campaign continues, deficits pile up, and the elves are asked to work harder, longer hours and still take a pay cut. They start to complain, but Claus assures them he will do all he can to help them. As a sign of goodwill, Claus IV marries an Elven wife, strengthening the bonds between the Claus family and the Elves.
1856--Claus V is born. In order to celebrate, Claus IV decides to stay at home, and so he suggests that department stores use costumed employees to represent him. They do, and it works out so well that he decides to do it every year.
1857-1867--Claus V grows up, spending most of his time visiting with his elf relatives and friends. Claus IV, who spends most of his time building up the company, doesn't seem to mind, in fact, he feels that it's good publicity.
1871--Working conditions continue to worsen for the elves, and they try to convince Claus V to overthrow his father and give the government back to the elves.
1872--Claus V usurps his father's throne, sending him to live the remainder of his life under guard in the castle's west wing.
1875--After reading the works of Karl Marx, Claus V chooses communism as the new form of government for the North Pole. Some elves protest this, but they are successfully quieted. (It is also because of communism that Santa Claus' suit later changes from beige to red.)
1881--Claus IV dies in captivity, just as the new Government gets underway. His funeral is not a large one.
1887--In order to keep up with growing populations, Claus Toys becomes industrialized. The elves learn the ways of mass production on the assembly line.
1893--Another mutant reindeer is born, and is named Rudolf II in honor of the first one, whom the communist government now honors for "giving the government back to the elves."
1900--Sigmund Freud's "The Interpretation of Dreams" is published.
1902--After he had been presumed dead for years, Frosty the Snowman is claimed to have been sighted on several occasions. All throughout the kingdom, children claim that they all heard him say he'd be back again some day.
1906--Claus VI is born. The Claus family celebrates, but the elves aren't the least bit excited.
1909-1922--The toys distributed yearly begin to show signs of propaganda influence. Frosty the Snowman continues to appear occasionally, and Claus V begins to grow uneasy, fearing some sort of hidden sabotage.
1925--Claus V dies, under mysterious circumstances. He is found buried in the snow in the castle garden, frozen solid. Many think it is the work of Frosty, but no one can prove it.
1926--Claus VI takes over, and immediately tightens up security. He rules with an iron hand, but a fair one. Electric lights are installed in the streets, and the castle and the town gets electricity. The factories are expanded, and the toys continue to be used as propaganda for the world.
1929--Angered by Claus' commercialization of Christmas, the Grinch attempts to remove the material goods to show the true meaning of Christmas. He fails, and later Claus commissions a cartoon, which warps the story so that the Grinch is made out to be the villain.
1949--Claus VII is born.
1979--Claus VI dies of natural causes.
1933-1990--The North Pole remains stable, with everything running smoothly. Across the Western world, a pattern starts to emerge and become noticed. Children receive Claus' toys each Christmas, but as they grow older, their parents throw them away and then they tell their children that there is no Santa Claus.
1991--First sightings of Anti-Claus.
1993--Anti-Claus is observed closely with telescopes, and photographed. His suit is like that of Santa Claus, but with the reds and whites reversed. He carries a 3-ply Hefty bag full of gifts no one wants or needs. And instead of using reindeer and a sleigh, he rides in a bathtub pulled by eight flying cows.
1997--Anti-Claus is radar tracked and found to live in an underground hideout run by dwarves at the South Pole.
2002--Communism fails utterly at the North Pole due to the nature of the elves. Claus VII, flying clockwise around the earth making the Christmas rounds, collides with Anti-Claus, who was flying counterclockwise. A huge explosion and blinding flash of light occurs, leading scientists to believe that *they annihilated each other.
*(don’t believe the hype)

2007--The North Pole becomes a democracy, run wholly by the elves. Christmas is no longer commercialized or exploited. Happiness is finally achieved throughout the kingdom.

2011--It is discovered that Claus VII did not die in the explosion, but merely made it appear so. From there he went to live in the Bahamas. He is later found, dead of a heart attack, in a jacuzzi with two and a half dozen nymphets.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

So there you have it.


"A poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every Twenty-fifth of December!"
~Ebenezer Scrooge

tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431
"Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all."
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Reply #58 posted 12/21/05 11:55am

heartbeatocean

avatar

jerseykrs said:

Google this.....


"Fear Fuck Christmas lyrics"



I already posted them above with an mp3 link.
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Reply #59 posted 12/21/05 12:18pm

heartbeatocean

avatar

theAudience said:

Chapter Two...

Is Santa a Woman?
I hate to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.


Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off. For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the shopping bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if a male Santa did still have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:


Men can't pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physiques to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless some woman's wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the idea that other mythical holiday characters are men:
Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test...



...But not Santa.



tAC (aka theAntiClaus)

peace Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431


hmm
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