Would you be o.k. with an OPEN Relationship? Both can see others and ya may bring Others to your bed?

Editing to a "HELL no!"
[Edited 12/16/05 18:27pm]

NO, NO & NO!!

Not a chance.

no way , if you do that you might as well be single.

well I am neither married nor in a relationship so therefore I can swing all I want!!!

NO!!!

might i add vehemently, "not a snowballs chance in hell!!"

Absolutely...the Captain is too much man for just one woman.

So why would I invest if I felt such a urge?

HELL NO!

hell fucking no thank you.

I think Zelaira is trying to pick up with this thread.

no. there's no point to being married if you're going to be with other people.
people need to work out their issues already.

Plenty of People Do..... So many people are into Fetish Parties and Swing Clubs. HEDONISM.....

Zelaira said:

That'z really fucked up u know.

Unless u want ur kidz to be slutz and have no valuez whatsoever!

No. I believe that human monogamy is likely a social construct, and that we are probably polyamorous by nature. However, I live in a monogamous society, and one pays a high price for living a polyamorous lifestyle.

BTW, I use the term "polyamory" because I consider "swingers" to be a subculture that practices one specific form of polyamory. While my general attitude toward these things is live and let live, many people in the swing community practice discrimination that I disapprove of.

From an academic standpoint, polyamory is an interesting subject. I recommend the book The Ethical Slut, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt. In fact, I think it contains some stuff about relationships that is useful even for people who are monogamous.

matt said:

So you would remain monogamous, or try to?

Zelaira said:

Yes ...

Reincarnate said:

One lesson I've learned in life is never to say "never." But yes, my current intention is for my future relationships to be monogamous.

I've already had an open relationship, and as I said, you pay a high price. Even here in liberal Seattle, I was assaulted (and subsequently wound up in the hospital) by a neighbor. As far as I knew, I had never done anything that affected him, other than offend him by living that lifestyle. I didn't even have any memory of seeing him before he cornered me in a dead-end hallway that day.

To be sure, the guy had some sort of mental issue and a history of bothering other residents. Two residents actually sold their units and moved out because of him. And when the unit across the hall from his went on the market and an open house was held, I did my best to warn everyone who looked at the place that they'd be living across the hall from the neighbor from hell.

(One advantage of apartments over condos: it's much easier to get rid of a problem resident. At my current place, they probably would have evicted him for what he did.)

Zelaira said:

Yeah- plenty of people throw themselvez off cliffz and stab the fuck out of eachother. Does it make it a great idea??

How about fucking corpses??

matt said:

Yes, I never say "never" either. You just don't know what life will throw at you or how you will react. People can be so judgemental but unless they've walked in your shoes ... blah blah - you know what I mean.

I'm very sorry to hear about the assault - it must have been very frightening but I wonder why, if the man had mental issues, it has caused you to question your own lifestyle? Surely we should all live and let live? OK, so this doesn't always happen in practice, but how would other people necessarily know or care about what your lifestyle is? (some people have way too much time on their hands).

I think I'm just confused because you always strike me as someone who doesn't compromise on principles. I'm surprised that you will do something just to conform with what society expects rather than what you believe to be true.

Also, I don't know the difference between an apartment and a condo (being British, we don't have condo's - I always thought they were the same thing.)
[Edited 12/17/05 0:08am]

It don't mean a thing
if it ain't got that swing.

Illustrator said:

do wap do wah
do wap do wah
do wap do wah, do wap do wah

Reincarnate said:

Well, that wasn't the only time things were difficult because of my lifestyle... it's just an example of how bad it can get. I had to deal with lifestyle-related issues often... for example, one frequent dilemma was whether to tell someone only that I had a girlfriend, or also tell him/her that my girlfriend had another partner. IIRC, the authors of The Ethical Slut recommend having a "well-padded closet," and I didn't like being even partially closeted.

Also, I didn't really find out about the nature and extent of his mental issue until many months later, when he had an angry confrontation with the resident manager in the hallway outside our unit.



Exactly. He was a retired man (although in excellent physical shape for his age) who had too much time on his hands.

Based upon what he told the police and the response he filed in court after I sued him, it seems that he figured out what was going on just by watching who was entering and leaving our home, and he apparently put 1 and 1 (or perhaps 1 and 1 and 1 ) together.

Additionally, although we had no solid proof of it, we had reason to believe he had been peeping through our windows.

Although he did deny assaulting me (but had no response to the medical evidence of an assault), he claimed that he confronted me because the condo newsletter had asked residents to keep an eye out for security reasons. (Oh, the irony... let's make the building safer by attacking a resident.)



Thank you -- I appreciate that. I guess my response is: 1) I don't feel that I have an affirmative duty to be polyamorous, so it's a principle where I can compromise to some extent and still feel okay about it; and 2) I'm human, I have my limits, and ultimately, I have to pick and choose what is worth fighting for.



In an apartment, you're just renting your unit. In a condominium, you own your unit, and everyone owns the common areas (lobby, hallways, parking lot, etc.) together. Since the man owned his home, it obviously would have been much harder to kick him out.

matt said:

Ok, I can understand that.

I do think it's a pity that people don't just live and let live though. I couldn't care less what my neighbours do so long as it's not flaunted in my direction.

Thanks for explaining.

Monogamy is not natural.

But sharing the one you love neither.

This second aspect I found to be more important. So NO.

"That's really fucked up", "Not a snowballs chance in hell", "You make Jesus cry" etc etc...?

Wow, I've rarely the seen the org collective be this judgmental and intolerant before. It almost makes you think the question was "would you eat babies?"...

First off I think everybody should have the right to decide about their own sex lives without being scorned by society (and especially without being beaten up!). We're not talking rape or molestation here people. We're talking consentual sex between adults.

Secondly I think a lot of people fantasize about others and swinging definitely beats cheating. It's open and honest as opposed to the latter which is hidden and deceitful.

Some of you really need to chill. Even those of you that "only speak for yourselves". The subtext to a "hell no!" isn't "no, not for me thanks" but rather a "anyone who does that is crazy"...

retina said:

I just answered the question, didn't read the thread. Reading this makes me wonder: what does 'swinging' exactly mean? Maybe I answered a question didn't understand...