I know, much to the dismay of some of you, I have made my return.

Tonight, whilst at work, I learned that a girl who worked with me died.

I am freaked out, and I was so nervous I could hardly stand to drive home. In fact, my hands are shaking. One hand is typing, the other is holding a Guinness, very shakily. I've also been sipping a Bloody Mary.

Did I know the girl? Yes. Were we close? No.

I will share a tale about Hannah.

When we were young, and I still believed in God and all that hodge podge, I went to Vacation Bible School. I was painfully shy when I was a youth, but my own shyness was overshadowed by that of a young girl, with curly black hair and tan skin called Hannah. Young Hannah was in fact so shy, she wouldn't join us in any projects.

When next I remember seeing this young lady, who was a mere year behind me in school, meaning she just managed to graduate high school May of this year, she had skanked out a wee bit and joined those lovely young teenage girls who liked to smoke in the bathroom. She played softball.

Then, this year, she got a job at the same place where I work. I remember quite well, a day in June she came into the store to buy tampons. I was buried in a book, likely Aztec or something like that, and when I raised my head to see what was going on in the store, she dropped had a box of Super Tampaxes in her left hand. She turned about fourteen shades of red, and then walked to the coke fountain machine, where she left the tampons, came and bought a coke, and left, as if a period is something to be ashamed of.

And alas.

Today, she was in an accident with a motorcycle, and now she is dead.

And she is a year younger than me.

Was.

Welcome back, I'm jealous of her, this world sucks.

jerseykrs said:

Chris, I'm really disturbed by this. It's not something to make light of.

Imagine this. I mean, driving home or driving to the store or whatever, and to die. To just die.

I know we're all mortal. My mom died when I was a young girl, if you'll recall. But for the first time in my life, I realize tonight, I'm afraid to die. Not afraid of the death itself, but to die... to die with nothing. To have only accomplished graduating high school and a few measely college courses.

And if I could, I'd go back and tell her, "Do not be afraid to buy tampons, Hannah."

I don't know.

Happened to me last year!! It is hard to deal with!

Nero said:

It's just a shock. It's too close to home.

Rhonda, I wasn't making light of it. You know me. This world is fucked up, and more often than not I believe the ones that get to leave are luckier than us.

On another note, I know how this could work on your psyche. Don't fret over it hon, not much you could do.

Fauxie said:

Shock, indeed. It shot my nerves, Nick. I'm still shaking.

I didn't know her, but I knew her.

jerseykrs said:

Sorry to hear that Nero

Ocean said:

I like you.

Nero said:

I felt the same way when my brother's old school friend was knocked down by a car. I hadn't seen him in 10 years, but we used to walk to school together and I used to get under his skin and he'd get so angry. We played poo sticks in the stream before school. It felt so strange when I heard of his death because I'd known him and people you know don't just die. He was just some person on the television or in a newspaper to most though, and they die all the time.

Nero said:

ditto

Fauxie said:

Well, my mom died. I know people die. I know that. That hit me at eleven, but you know.

I guess I got reminded?

Ugh, and I heard about it just before I had to drive home. I counted down the money, shakily, and drove down to the Lure Lodge. I had this thought to call my dad to come pick me up and just let him drive me home. I took the road to the lodge for about 15 mph. I nearly bit the head off from a chick behind the desk when she said,. "You hear about that girl who worked here who died?"

And the gossip... the gossip.

Welcome back.

july said:

We are young.

We must go forth and enjoy it.

Nero said:

One can only hope. Many realitys your way.

you shoulda myspaced me!

Welcome back ,sorry to hear about your friend.
[Edited 10/5/05 6:16am]

BucketOfBouncyBalls said:

I did myspace you! When I was on myspace. Though normally I just post up some nonsense and go on about my day. I don't really like myspace. Makes me feel rather dirty.

That's just how the world is man.. you could get shot... od on drugs...or simply be killed in a car wreck...you just dont know when its time for death to come ripping.

Life is very short
Play hard

That sux!

glad you're back!

Welcome back. That's terrible news

Nero said:

Your words have touched me. It's sad to think that any of us could die without having achieved much in life but your contact with her, albeit brief, has affected you and though that you have affected others, even those of us you've never met. Nobody's life is lived in vain. Thankyou for writing about Hannah.

And it's good to see you back here.

Sorry for your loss Nero, welcome back.

Good to have you back, Rhonda. You're one of the few people that actually make it worthwhile to visit this website, you know that.

I'm sorry to hear about Hannah. What exactly happened? Was she on the motorcycle? Or was she just crossing the street? Not that it really matters, but in a weird way it feels like it would be a slightly less cruel twist of fate if at least she had chosen to get on that death machine than if she'd just been mowed down at a crosswalk. Either way, I'm not saying she deserved what happened, of course.

A few months ago, in Vancouver, I shared my laundry room with another tenant. She was the most shallow and trashy little tramp you can imagine, and she had a boyfriend that was an enormous gorilla who was on steroids, I'm sure. One day me and the girl had a disagreement over the laundry hours or some silly crap like that. We settled the argument, but her gorilla boyfriend still seemed to think it was necessary to try to intimidate me because of this.

He walked up to me, flexed his muscles and was like "hey, you better not give my woman a hard time, you understand?". I thought the whole thing seemed like a scene out of a stupid college movie so I couldn't help laughing at him. Then I told him that our discussion was already settled and that he should mind his own damn business. Needless to say, this made him feel the need to "put me in my place", so every time I would see them he would give me a cold stare or mumble something provocative. Obviously he was a wimp as well as an asshole.

Anyway (I can't believe how long this story is getting), one day I got word that he was dead. He had been driving back from Toronto to Vancouver and the stupid moron had tried to do the drive in one go and fallen asleep behind the wheel. And despite the history we'd had, I felt really, really weird about the whole thing. Almost sad and depressed, even. So believe me when I say that I understand that even the demise of people we barely know can touch us deeply.