Yesterday, I went to stay the day at my ex, N.'s house. His two kids were there, Jordan and Brennan.

Jordan had been there on and off through the afternoon, but she came by, fixed a bag, and went two houses down to spend the night with her friend Ally. That left Brennan there, bored, of course since he wasn't allowed to go too. So, he got down some paper and sat at the dining room table to draw. Face and I get into playing music and then there's this crazy loud knock at the door. So, Face answers it. It's a couple of people who's voices I'd never heard before. A male, and a female.

They were there to sell him this "all-natural" cleaner. So they're introducing themselves, talking on the porch, trying to sell him this stuff... The chick was explaining how "all natural" it was and spraying it on her. To which she says, "Look, it won't hurt my skin... of course I was white this morning!" and so on.

Anyway, Brennan goes to investigate, and the girl says, "Oh my, is this your little brother?" and N. says, "No, it's my son." The girl says, "SON?! HOw old are you?" so it goes through that and she can't hardly believe Noel's just turned 34, etc. Anyway, the man asks to come in and use Noel's toilet.

So this guy prances through the house, Brennan has returned to the table and is drawing a very good picture of Luke Skywalker and talking to me, and the guy greets me as, "Hello, beautiful" and ruffles Brennan's hair, and disappears. WEll, turns out...


...He's in there for a long time. I got to thinking, "God, it's been ten minutes, what on earth could he be doing in there? PLaying with Noel's cotton balls in the shelf above the toilet?!" I'd moved back to the sofa, so I went back over with Brennan and took a seat and he explained to me the difficulties involved in drawing a Jedi Knight. Eventually, the guy emerges. Well, Brennan had to pee, I guess....

Brennan gets up, runs to the bathroom, and comes out. The guy apologizes for taking so long and announces to N., "It's all cool, I was talkin' to the little guy and dude here's wife." UGH. Anyway...

Brennan runs back with this terribly odd look on his face. Gives me a look, shakes his head, and goes back to drawing. Eventually, N. comes back inside the house and says, "I have to pee" and Brennan yells, "YEAH, WELL, DON'T LOOK IN THE TOILET!!!!"

Noel says, "Huh?" And I immediately burst out laughing, realizing what took the man so long. And the fact he left it in there, unflushed.

So I said, "You know, that guy was in the bathroom the entire time. He didn't talk to us."

And N. says, "Oh my god. UGH." and we go sit on the couch. Both of us laughing cos there's nothing else to do. Brennan says, "I'm not going in there."

It gets much better though. N. eventually got the nerve to brave it. He had lysol cleaner in either hand, he turns on the light, steps in... And Brennan and I hear this disgusted yell. The dude PEED ON THE FLOOR to go along with what he left in Noel's toilet. It's as if he got done doing the first deed and thought, "How else can I defile this man's bathroom?!" and then proceeded to take a whizz on Noel's wood flooring.

Even if it was accidental, he could've cleaned it up. Noel keeps a towel on either side of the shower and one by the sink at all times! N. came out looking just completely white and said, "Rhonda, that is easily the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. And I've changed diapers."

Let this be a lesson. NEVER let a sales person use your toilet!!!
[Edited 9/18/05 7:25am]

Too long. Can you give me the jist of it in a sentence or two? I prefer McPosts.

Why would he let him in the house in the first place? I'm a hoot when people knock on my door, I should video tape it the next time it happens.....

Number23 said:

dumbass.

Nero said:

I wish. Dumb people are happy people.

Number23 said:

Number23 said:

jerseykrs said:

I like your blog. How come you're funny there?

Number23 said:

I have a ghost writer.

And another tale, ruined. This time, by my friend Number23.

You fucking Judas.

Nero said:

Number23 said:

No more.

Nero said: