yep, i think i have fallin in love with someone who i cant have and it is destroying me.....she is spitting up with someone and i have split from my partner but we have so many problems to overcome, kids, money, lawyers,etc...that she is having second thoughts about it all and i am left in limbo and the pain is unbearable, i cant eat,sleep or think of anything else but her....i am falling apart, how do i get over this?

time

its the first time that i have ever really experienced feelings like this, it was never as strong in my first relationship which makes it all the more painful....pass me the prozac please

Patience...if you can wait for her, then it's meant to be.

I waited for my girlfriend to split up from her husband. It's tough and there were times that I thought of giving up. But Love is worth the wait

i think i have lost her for good....cheery sod, arent i

blackbob said:

blackbob, I am going to be blunt, but - trust me - it's for your own good.

If she were that into you, these problems would not be insurmountable.

You are not in limbo, you are dumped. This will not destroy you; you survived without this woman for many years and you will continue to do so without her. It might be very painful until you come to terms with this, but when enough time passes, you'll be fine.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. If you can't hook another one to your liking, fish aren't everything. In the meantime, spend time with your friends and family, they will help take your mind away from these obsessive thoughts. Perhaps a therapist could be of some value as well?

Ace said:

Wow.

P.S. I just checked your profile and you're a good-looking guy with good taste who plays in a band! You're a chick-magnet waiting to happen!

P.P.S. And you always have your friends at the Org. Hit me up if you ever want someone to talk to.

ZAZEN...

In the practice of Zen there is an excercise called zazen, one sits facing a blank wall. No matter what the emotion one feels, no matter how strong or violent, one remains motionless. Facing the wall. The discipline of course, is in continuing to sit. It has been the only thing different thing I've done these past months during a very turbulent relationship. Zazen and Zen Buddhism deals principally with self-responsibility and reality. What I discoved through the mediatation process was that the reality of my pseudo relationship was that it was indeed, unhealthy and based on attachments. I had created an image of what I wanted my partner to be, of what I wanted him to say and think and all this malarkey that only caused pain. It was as if I said: "I want you to be all these things my fantasy dictates and if not I will hurt myself. Hurt myself with negativity." Zazen taught me that.

Now I don't know if that is indeed helpful. But let me tell you four months ago I felt that if he and I ever broke up I would die. It was that serious. But sitting and meditating has revealed both horrific and sublime things that has made life worth living again. It's been only two weeks since I moved out but the excitement, the freedom I feel is something so crystal clear, a satori indeed.

Hang in there! Talk to friends, distract yourself, if you ignore the big picture of the fantasy and focus on the immediate details things don't seem so bad.

One day at a time and all that...

"It's rock paper scissors whether or not I will get over you...it's hand against hand and both hands are mine it's walking in a circular line..." ani difranco...

send me and orgnote if you'd like

Yup.

It destroys you. I know exactly how you feel.

It can kill you...or at lest feel like it is....


[Edited 9/14/05 12:55pm]

amorbella said:

The guy is down enough, already...jeesh

brownsugar said:

the last has been a shit year.....

First 'anniversary' coming up next week.....still it's strong! I'm getting tired.....real tired!

abierman said:

orgnote

hi boab sorry you feel like shit !! i know wer u coming from !! ive kinda got the same situation goin on right now !! remember my women are like buses thread ?? 3 came along at the same time !! the one i really like keeps giving me the green light then its red !! bin goin on 4 weeks now our problem is she is older than me and terrified i'll dump her in the future ahhhh , well its better to have the wonderful feelings about someone than nothing , hope i have helped a little you are a mate !!
[Edited 9/14/05 11:34am]

Soulofmysoul said:

not try to make him feel any worse, just know how he feels....
[Edited 9/14/05 12:55pm]

Either there is a hope that u can eventually b with her, then b patient but careful.

Either u know 4 a fact there ain't, in which case it's better 2 destroy any hope in u cuz it will only hurt u even more. If this is the case, time will heal...

Until then u have 2 repeat urself that there will b other loves & that one day it won't hurt anymore, it's very important never 2 4get this.

But never ever b afraid of love... sometimes it can hurt but sometimes it's an infinite source of joy.

amorbella said:

You missed it.
See what I bolded?

Take it from me, it will destroy you if you let it. My advice (which is useless anyway) is, make SMART decisions. Your heart is always going to lead you one way, but always, ALWAYS make the smart decision that your RATIONAL brain makes.


Like Ace said, you have org friends, that's what we like to do here, listen to others problems and give our opinion.

Of course, we also like to just post useless drabble, but I digress.....

alas, blackbob, getting one's heart ripped out is the risk 1 takes when in love with someone. goodness knows my heart's been RIPPED OUT more than once.

making yourself vulnerable, however, is a necessary step to having that type of real love that so many sing about, & probably fewer actually experience.


I thought about what else to say in response to your thread,
but the responses of both

brownsugar - time

&

Ace - his 'blunt' initial response followed by investing your time/emotion into your family..

express the gist of what I wanted to say.


at the risk of saying what you may hear later (or may have already heard) :

everything really does happen for a reason
even if we don't always know or understand why
at the time it happens.


I wish you peace, & I wish you the best resolution possible to this difficult moment you're going through.

Soulofmysoul said:

yeah, i missed it....

I AM LOVE!!!
not,....

I am the worse person in the world when it comes to love.....
i need to avoid it for a while....

Soulofmysoul said:

i tried to fix it....
[Edited 9/14/05 12:56pm]

thank you all my org pals for your wise words, ace ,you are right ,i have to face up to it and move on ,if she really wanted me, she would do anything, thanks again
[Edited 9/15/05 1:47am]

.
[Edited 9/14/05 17:33pm]

blackbob said:

If it turns out I'm wrong, don't worry - she'll call you.

In the meantime, get out there and meet other people! You're a young guy in good shape with musical talent! Chicks love guys like that!

Ace said:

that profile picture was taken six years ago!...i am now totally bald with a bad back and i cant get it up anymore....oh well, where's my pipe and slippers.....guess my fishing days are over
[Edited 9/14/05 14:15pm]

blackbob said:

So shave your head, get to a specialist about your back and take some Viagra! We are living in a great day and age!

P.S. Howard Stern claims that most back problems are psychosomatic and he recommends books by a certain doctor. Hang-on, I'll try and look it up...

The doctor's name is John E. Sarno.

Ace said:

Is this a pun I'm too dumb to 'get'?