that for most people I know there is for each person one lover from the past they just can't get over. From what I've observed and from what I know from my own life it seems everyone has got some fucking baggage they just can't set down.

I take this as truth. We all have that someone and if you don't have that some one right now,you will.

My question is why? Where these people super human in their powers of seduction? Where they really your other half that has now gone away?

Or is it that we hold on to a foggy memory of another just so we can roll around in our own self pity? Did their departure from our beds give us a reason to self hate? Did they give us a free ticket to ride the pity train forever?

Excuse me,I'm in a fucked up mood, I don't know my left from my right tonight.

Only to torment us until the day we die. It serves no greater purpose.

CarrieMpls said:

if only it were that easy!

Or is it we have as yet not found whom we are to belong to and focus on the near miss?
.
[Edited 8/25/05 21:40pm]

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

AHHH! Ding ding ding! I like that answer!

But dear beautiful muse... does that "near miss" stop us from seeing the one we really do belong to?

i'm pretty much over everyone from my past who i've had really strong feelings for, though there's no getting past them 100%. these days, i just have times where i'd like to catch up with someone, give them a big hug, find out how they're doing, then get back to my life and let them get back to theirs. i guess those pangs feel more familial these days. i just want to know that the people i care/cared about are okay, i guess.

Sweeny79 said:

I know this was asked to Muse, but I think that if we focus on the 'what ifs' that include near misses, then we lose sight of our journey, whether that includes someone(soulmate) we know of right now, or not.

Anxiety said:

You know I'm like that for the most part too! I made this thread because I just see it more and more in my life and in my friends lately. What sucks is that you lose contact with a few and you always wonder.

Sweeny79 said:

It could certainly be an issue! We focus on something that isn't quite real because (as I see it) We set up the past thing with true notes and notes that aren't true. I believe that is what is meant by letting go. As is standard with me, I want to insist on things going backwards. In other words... FINE I'll let go when the RIGHT one arrives. In fact I need to let go so what is to come.... can.

The rearaangment in my head nears completion. I'm not quite there yet!

Great thread Lady Sweeny!

Alright, in all seriousness (and to borrow from Debbie Gibson somewhat) I think what 'could've been' is always gonna be perfect in our minds. It's a fantasy, not a reality. You think about what might have happened and in our minds it's easy to make that perfect cause it's not real. And likely is never gonna be real.

God, it's SO depressing.

Is this thread about me?

bluesbaby said:

That's my point. I was just telling a friend that more or less....if you are stuck on the past you can't move further you wont let yourself.

So how do you get over the past?

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Thanks

and I agree we just keep moving backwards.

Sweeny79 said:

That's the $50,000 question!

CarrieMpls said:

Sorry I know it is but you are so right!!!

In one way or other I think we all just said the same thing!

althom said:

Yes, yes it is. You bastard I hate you! You ruined my life!!!

Sweeny79 said:

i had a chance to hang out with an ex for a while last summer when he came into town, and it was nice. we just walked around and caught up and i spent a little bit of time with his friends and that was that. we didn't go into any heavy shit, it wasn't tense or intense - it was just nice. afterwards, i really felt like he went from being an "ex" to a "friend". closure rocks.

Sweeny79 said:

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Yes we did!

Anxiety said:

Yes it does

I'm so glad you had that experience.

althom said:

althom said:

Mine too!

CarrieMpls said:

Marry me!

Depends on why you can't get over them...

Sometimes it's issues, fears, insecurities...lonliness...keeps you holding on to something familiar, which equates to "safe"...a lot of times, people just want to feel safe.

Sometimes it's a level of connection that isn't happened upon too often, so you remember those few times when it did occur...the reality of that is there, and a bit hard to ignore. Probably shouldn't be ignored...better to show appreciation to what the universe/Life has gave you to have and experience, and just acknowledge it. I often say a silent "thank you" for relationships in the past....as the saying goes, why should Life give you more, when you can't even appreciate the things it's already given you.

And sometimes, yeah...you do meet someone who you know in your soul you would be happy with, if not for issues and circumstances. With those, timing becomes the culprit in your heart's memory...and it's very easy to imagine a different outcome.

For me, I just determined to be me, whoever "me" is, and let that dictate what comes to me, and who...and I let my past experiences live within, and allow the beauty of them to continue to surface from time to time and make me smile. Too much energy is wasted trying to avoid that.

althom said:

You're just taunting me now.

CarrieMpls said:

CarrieMpls said:

Right and I want the answer.

I know that a huge part of it is to look inside yourself and find what it is that attracts you to this type of situation and cut it out. Improve yourself, pray, spend time alone, give honest appreciation for those in your life you love and that love you and find your inner peace.

I know that. I've done that!

But for many of us, the pain of that loss, is staggering.
Some one told me that the scars they have are lifelong and they have to now learn to "live around them"

and I just want to say THAT'S SUCH BULLSHIT!

But is it...really????


and btw, this thread isn't only about me. It's about every fucking person I know!

I've come a long way in removing the issues I have that once made me feel this way...but still there are set backs... momentary interactions or dreams even...that will set you back months in progress.

Sweeny79 said:

i hope to have more of those experiences in the future. there are a couple of people i'd like to catch up with just to let them know there are no bad feelings and that i miss just having their presence in my life. it's hard to do with some people. i think there's a time for everything, though - and i don't want to be one of those people who goes on a crusade to make amends with everyone because it's a "project" i want to do. i want it to be genuine.