you are in a relationship and you know you shouldnt but you meet someone and the sparks fly and you just cannot resist going there....maybe your relationship is not what it should be or you are tied to them with children to think of.....is there ever a time when forbidden passion is the right thing to do?.....is life too short to let those times when you meet someone that makes your heart race just pass you by?.....we all know that you should end a relationship before starting another but sometimes life isnt as simple as that so what is the answer?

blackbob said:

Integrity to oneself

blackbob said:

That's the answer.


It's not the easy route, but that's the way it goes sometimes.

CarrieMpls said:

...
...
not when there are children involved its not.....

,
[Edited 8/7/05 13:23pm]

blackbob said:

Well, that's what happens when you decide to have kids. You give up all sorts of things for them. One of those thigns you give up is being an ass and/or behaving unadmirably to be a role model to for your children.

I know that came out harsh. But that's reality.

Not to say every person who has ever cheated on comeone is the absolute scum of the earth, it's just, if you're contemplating it, you already know it's the wrong thing to do, no one can justify it for you.

blackbob said:

If it truly is an unhappy relationship then the children would suffer more from that (including all infidelities that might ensue) than they would from having separated parents. If it's not an unhappy relationship you'd better keep it in your pants or jack off to some porn until it chills.

retina said:

Agreed. No one should stay together just 'for the kids'.

CarrieMpls said:

...
...
i disagree with that last comment...my wee boys happiness is more important than my own happiness and i know he will have a far more stable upbringing with both his parents together, even if that relationship has its underlying problems that are not obvious to anyone except the couple themselves.

blackbob said:

Well... then that's the choice you've made. I know its not an easy position to find yourself in. But I've never, ever known anyone who cheated on their significant other who didn't thoroughly, completely, utterly regret what happened. (And I've known a few...) If you want to be in a comitted, stable relationship for the benefit of your child, then that's what you should work on doing. Best of luck!

blackbob said:

I think you're underestimating your children's ability to sense underlying problems. I have friends that still suffer from being brought up in a family that was only kept together "for their sake". Remember for example that parents are one of children's primary role models for how to deal with a partner and if they sense lack of joy or love in your relationship they will find it more difficult to develop healthy relationships themselves later in life. And that's just one of many risks you'll be running...

CarrieMpls said:

We're definitely on the same page here.

blackbob said:

If that is true, then you better make sure that nothing comes in the way of that happiness. if being unfaithful means you will bring unstability to your childs home life, then you should not do it.

You see, it's about commitments. That you make with yourself, with your wife, with your kids. If you love your wife and she loves you, you can work out just about anything. If it's just that you have sparked interest between you and another that you get along with...or think you get along with ...better than you wife, then that's too bad. You made your choices.

To me it doesn't sound like a "fling"...it sounds like you definitely have interest in this other person...meaning there are feelings involved. That can't be good. It means that your heart or a part of it is going out to this other person...creating something that you may get out of control. It's in your control now. As I said, if you love your family...regardless of the underlying issues, then you will work them out. Unless these issues are life threatening to anyone or if they are VERY serious, then that's one thing. But if it's just that you like someone else and the issues with family are small...yet there, you really owe it to your family to work on those, cause they can be worked on. Even if it means family counseling.

retina said:

That is very true,i know someone who has this problem as his parents had a fucked up relationship and he can't have a normal relationship because of what he saw growing up...it basically messed him up a lot.

unique said:

You could also take the opportunity, find out that it wasn't what you expected it to be, and lose a long-term partner as a result of it

Personally, I will never be guilty of cheating on a partner. I have been on the receiving end, know how much it hurts and would never do that to anyone else. It all comes down to treating others as you would like to treated!!

CarrieMpls said:

ok...

i wasn't going to post on this thread but it's not black and white

I cheated on my husband, left him for someone else, the relationship was terrible, abusive and destructive for everyone involved including the children.

I don't regret what happened when i left even though the subsequent relationship failed too it was the best thing to ever happen to me I'm lucky I got out of the situation i was in.

I'll never regret my choice, it was for the best.

the grass always seems so much greener on the other side of the fence... til you take a bite and realize it's the same ole grass

just looked greener cuz you watered it

try watering your own yard

Mach said:

again not every relationship is the same and not every grass is worth watering

LolaM said:

never is a HUUUUUGE word

retina said:

Not to beat a dead horse, but I'm terribly fond of my ex's 9 year old daughter (I like his son a-okay, too). She is the most perceptive child in the world, perhaps. It's not even worth keeping a secret from her, because she'll know something is up, and grab onto little pieces until she puts the story together for herself. Then, right when you think she knows not a damn thing, she'll take what she's figured out and throw it in your face.

Kids are not stupid.

Kids sense tension, too. Don't you remember growing up and thinking, "My parents must have just fought, they're acting weird..." or, "Dad's not quite himself today, I wonder what's up..."

Imagine living in that state all of the time.

p0pstar said:

this is true

thank goodness they arnt the same we'd all be bored

and if the grass is not worth the watering ... cut it

Nero said:

exactly!

Natisse said:

I know it is but I can guarantee that I won't. I don't care how much of a spark there might be, I will always end a relationship before getting into anything else. I'm not condemning anyone who may have cheated, I just don't want to be guilty of it. The feeling of being cheated on remains with me constantly and I will never do that to someone else.

LolaM said:

You know, I've never been cheated on. But I can say I'll never do it. I value honesty too much. If you're in a mature, adult relationship, you should be able to go to your partner and say, "I'm sorry, but..." and whatever comes after it. Yes, it sucks for that person, but I bet it will feel a fuck of a lot better than having you lie to them for days, weeks, months, years whatever and then have them find out.

At least in a way, by being forthright and honest you can maintain some amount of integrity.

Nero said:

I agree with you completely. I think that the person would have much more respect for you in the long run if you can just be honest and upfront with them.

Mach said:

with a rusty blade

Nero said:

it's not always that easy to get out

if you take into account mortgages, children and basically the chance that saying you want out could mean another black eye or maybe worse this time.








it's also not easy for me to post
[Edited 7/27/05 8:18am]

LolaM said:

I agree in theory...unfortunately nothing is black and white

Natisse said:

me too

having been there.