By FOC I mean, of course, Friend of Cows. We are still trying to get our ducks in a row for the revolution and are now comprising a list of humans we will be nice to once the overthrow is complete. FOCs will get preferential treatment, nice accommodations, and, in some cases, plasma flat screen TVs after the takeover. EOC (Enemies of Cows) will not have it as good and will probably have to say goodbye to the creature comforts you humans are so reliant upon. We will make life as boring and miserable as possible for you EOCs, and preliminary plans include (but are not restricted to) herding you in large enclosed areas and making you watch one Pauly Shore movie after another until you lose all ability of rational thought.

Friends of Cows must meet the following standards:

1) Complete avoidance of beef by-products, such as hamburgers, steaks, ribs, etc.

2) Removal of all leather products from your domeciles. This includes everything from couches to the tight outfits you wear that accentuate your human naughty parts.

3) An acknowledgement of the incredible intellect of cowkind.

4) An acknowledgement of the base and cruel (and often, nonintelligent) nature of humankind.

5) An acknowledgement of the great and wise teachings of the Cow Oracle.

Agreement to these rules, plus the signing of several pages of various contracts that are legally binding, will qualify you as an FOC. There is also a small, non-refundable fee of $125.00, the money going to the "Cow Power Generation Fund", which is supporting the very expensive costs of the revolution.

Friends of Cows, holler at me. And Enemies of Cows expose yourself and make yourself known. Well, please don't really expose yourself because I don't think any of us want to see that.

Nope I am an EOC(Eater of COw)

I'd shag you.

I'm a pesco-vegetarian and I don't believe I own any leather. However, being from Kentucky, I've gone along on various cow-tipping adventures (not my idea, I assure you...)

Nero said:

Tipping, being such an obscure and mostly regional practice, is not covered in the 5 major rules but there is a waiver in the contract that you have to sign which states that you will cease and desist from any future boving shoving.

Just say no...to cow tipping.

Cow said:

You sure type well with hooves.

Nero said:

Special keyboard...created it one day out of some discarded wires and a little hay. We cows are like your human "McGyver".

Cow said:

MacGyver, eh? You cows sure watch a lot of 1980s television programming...

Nero said:

We can't exactly go to the local Blockbuster and rent DVDs. It would raise too many questions.

TheFrog said:

I'm fairly certain a product of a tryst between a cow and a frog would look like this so I'll pass at this time.

hello! i am a friend of Cows. i admire Cows and seek to emulate them in all respects. eating grass and walking on all fours have proven to be a challenge though - both my stomach and hands are getting sore. would it be ok for me to walk upright? if i walk upright will i still be allowed into the Cow Power Generation?

XxAxX said:

No, we would not ask humans to emulate the bovine walking style or eating habits. We understand the basic medical physiology that requires humans to walk upright and we will let bipeds be bipeds.

You are definitely a FOC and your numerous kind comments will be rewarded. I will ask the Oracle is we can wave your application fee.

While you contemplate your feeling towards the bovine devine, here are some cow quotes to consider.


Truth, Sir, is a cow, which will yield such people no more milk, and so they are gone to milk the bull.
Samuel Johnson


You can only milk a cow so long, then you're left holding the pail.
Hank Aaron


All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.
Grant Wood


If happiness truly consisted in physical ease and freedom from care, then the happiest individual would not be either a man or a woman; it would be, I think, an American cow.
William Lyon Phelps



Having the world's best idea will do you no good unless you act on it. People who want milk shouldn't sit on a stool in the middle of a field in hopes that a cow will back up to them.
Curtis Grant


Holy cow!
Harry Caray
(Perhaps a reference to the Oracle)

Cow said:

thank you, great wise Cow. i must say after spending time doing things your way i have developed a great appreciation for the challenges faced by Cows everywhere. especially when it comes to randy bulls but that's another story entirely

Cow said:

i don't quite see why that would make you want to pass!

what a handsome goat!

it never occured to me that Frog + Cow would = Goat, but hey - you learn something about intra-species sex every day, huh?