first off, just want to say, if i bore you, sorry just needed a place to vent.

i know relationships take a lot out of a person, its like a job without wages and limited benefits. Maybe its just me, but i feel like i'm on a rollercoaster ride. One day everything is good, the next day i'm not sure if this person is the one person i'd probably end up with. Not like i'm looking for a husband asap or anything like that, but for me the whole point in dating is enjoying ones company who is on your level, and who will eventually be spending the rest of their life with you.

Sometimes i just get frustrated with my relationship with my boyfriend, and i ask myself what do i need to do to keep from getting frustrated. But now i realize that I have to take the good with the bad, although it just irritates me how my emotions go up and down so often.

Please tell me i'm not crazy...cuz i really feel like i'm going crazy.

Valentine's day is coming up, and now i find out that we may not be doing anything because he is tied up with things he has to do with his family and friends.

I just feel left out...or am i being selfish??? Please help, I feel very down right now, and I need a hug...

Well, how about talking about these feelings with him?
Sound like if you're feeling left out, he should know about it so he could choose either to put more effort into this relationship, or decide that you're asking for too much and try to find another way to solve this problem.

and I do discuss it with him, then we resolve things and they are good again, until something else comes up over and over again. i'm just asking in general, do other people feel this way when they are in a relationship.

missfee said:

Well, unfortunatly it's nothing I can answer. Never been in a relationship.

i think maybe my anger spawns from the disappointment about our valentine's day plans more than anything.

Maybe he's not the one for you?? I used to go back and forth all the time with my ex....I wish I had gone forth a long time ago!

Maybe people should lighten up on the Valentine stuff.

That stuff should be present throughout the year.

What a crap; "You HAVE to give me flowers on THAT specific date of the year or I'l think you don't love me."



Stop being programmed by the media and commerce. Romance is not a one-way thing. Snap out of it.

missfee said:

Sounds like you have pent-up anger, frustration and resentment that is coming to a head, with Valentine's Day as the scapegoat. I'm not being funny there.
When you say something comes along to "mess things up", what exactly do you mean? Does he drop everything (especially you) for his friends and family and/or trivial issues and matters? Do you have issues regarding not spending enough time together?
Don't feel like you're the only one who has felt this way, we'll all probably been through it. I sure have. and I wouldn't put a tremendous amount of stock On Valentine's Day, especially if he does special things other times just to show you that he cares.

HamsterHuey said:

Smart boy.

HamsterHuey said:

first of all, i had things planned for him on that special holiday, and now i have to cancel it. Therefore i wasted my time preparing for it. Has nothing to do with the media, when you are single and have no one to spend valentines day with, the holiday is passed off like another day, but when you do have someone special in your life, then why waste the holiday??

missfee said:

Was he aware of this?

HamsterHuey said:

no it was gonna be a surprise. but i mean i can't help if he has other things to do, so i can't really get mad at the situation because of that, but i am anyway...

missfee said:

So you are mad at him because you left him out of your plans. If you plan something, next time include his work at least, so this won't happen again.

And stop forcing YOUR version of romance onto the guy. It's an unfair battle he will never be able to win. Just jump down here into the real world and meet him halfway. At least you give him and your relationship a chance.

HamsterHuey said:

i don't understand what you are saying. meet him halfway where? at least i planned something, he didn't plan anything but things to do for other people

missfee said:

I commend you for planning stuff yourself, mostly women expect the guy to do stuff with Valentine.

What I am saying is that is seems you somehow blame HIM for messing up something he did not know about in the first place.

Maybe you should let go of that and plan something else. And next time involve the people at his work if it involves something like free time. Just so you do not get dissapointed again.

And really, really let go of the Valentine stuff. Just kiss him today and count your blessings.

maybe your right and i shouldn't put valentine's day on such a high importance.

its just that I wanted it to be a day he would never forget since he said he had never had a good valentines day before in the past. But i guess it shouldn't matter what day it is, just as long as i make him feel special...

i tell everyone that has issues that shares them ( we all have them )

its called a Relation - SHIP for a reason

ride the waves ... as the "ship" does

you are always going to have ups and downs when intwined with another being ...


just part of the relationship

and

hope you sort your emotions out soon

missfee said:

Welcome to the real world of real relationships of any kind.

Even the 'best' of relationships are going to have their ups and down, and their cycles of really wonderful times and times of difficulty or boredom or even anger & frustration. I think too many people buy into the unrealistic fantasy that a relationship can be 100% fun or hassle free - be the relationship with a spouse or a long-term lover or a 'soulmate' or just a causual one - and that it can be troublefree and all hearts and flowers and nonstop romance and fun 24/7, forever and ever and ever, with no periods of strife or anything. Well, that's total BUNK and anyone who thinks otherwise is in for a rude awakening and lots of frustration and will probably never ultimately stay in any one relationship because they'll always be searching for that elusive "perfection".

I"m sorry for the trouble you are having right now with your boyfriend and I totally understand your feelings of frustration. I guess all I can offer is that you need to really examine the relationship you have with your boyfriend and decide from that if you want to be with him - but look at the entire big picture, not just one area of your relationship because you're never going to find anybody who is "the perfect fit" in all ways. Whoever you are with is going to have aspects to them that *will* be 'perfect' for you,and aspects where you'll either have to do some work WITH them to help them understand your needs and desires and you need to weigh the good against the bad. Also remember that many times you just have to accept the other person the way they are..shortcomings and all, and realize that you love them just that way, "imperfections" and all.

As already's been stated on this thread, the most important thing is TALKING THINGS OUT. Anytime there's a problem, discuss it b/c thats what it takes to make a relationship work for the long term, and to help two people grow closer.

I know you're disappointed about Valentine's Day but it's true that the reality is that it's just another day on the calendar. You and your guy can make ANY day Valentine's Day. Pick another day - together - and make *that day* 'MissFee and XXXX's Day' and together make some special plans for that day. Valentine's Day seems so much all about what two people in love/in a relationship are "supposed" to do, or like some kind of competition or test - all these commercials and signs telling people HOW to declare or show their love, or what product or thing will "prove" your love to him/her if you buy it/give it/do it. Relationships are unique. You shouldn't compare your relationship or how you two experience it to any other relationship anyway, or let some commercialized holiday dictate on which day you should celebrate it.

One last thing - don't feel bad about your surprise plans falling through. I've come to the realization over the years that suprise plans are very difficult to arrange and to be successful. I know it would've been romantic and fun to have had them work out but now, since it didn't work out, let it go and try for romance and fun in another way.

I hope things work out for you.

to SnowQueen.

You don't need one day to show somebody you care.

Period.

This is about you two-regardless of what day is set aside.

If things keep coming up well that's something for you two to talk out and deal with, and it can be.

thanx everyone for taking the time to help out little ole me... if i can repay the favor, just send me an orgnote, and i'll be glad to help. But for now hugs for everyone!!!