AsianBomb777 said:

That's so fucking depressing and so probably true.


I just became a lesbian. Just now. Any takers? Not that I'll BELIEVE you. . .

JoweeCoco said:

Most? generalizing, just like the people who wrote the book.

I have not read this book yet alone heard of it, so my answer is not objective. However, I can imagine it makes some pretty sweeping patronising generalisations about the sexes and relationships. True, men and (women) should think "Hey, I'm worth more than this and I'm not going to settle for less'. However, that is all very well and good, but it really goes beyond relationships. To some extent, we have to work hard (and, as an unfortunate side effect, suffer) for everything in life - jobs, material possessions, etc - and when love or money or other things we want don't come to us, it's easier emotionally to justify and/or make excuses as to why we're not getting what we feel we deserve when we want it. Whether it's the attention of a man (or woman) or a promotion at work, I can imagine quite patronisingly and in no uncertain terms that this book tells YOU are the only one who will suffer if you continue to cling to something that wasn't meant to be.

Common sense tells us that life is too short to pine for things that aren't meant to happen. Who knows how many great things pass us by because we're too busy worrying about getting something or someone that just wasn't meant to be. But then why would anyone need the help of just one guy to tell us that? Men, women and life is much, much more complex than that! Why should one man tell women what to do and define the rules to the game? Good grief!

I guess what the author argues is to some extent true but it is not the ONLY truth. I just think we all know deep down inside when someone doesn't really like or respect us, that's just plain common sense...or at least it should be!

Such a book suggests of the myth that men have far more of the power when it comes to relationships. Come on, we are now in the 21s century! Why should NEVER call a man or ask any man out first?!It's only two to three hours of time spent with someone socially not a life sentence!If some man feels intimidated because a woman is being pro-active when it comes to meeting her needs for a social and/or romantic life, then who needs that kind of man?

Personally, I think no matter who you are reality of dating and relationships is that time and tide wait for no one! Sometimes one has to seize the opportunity when in front of them! A shy person reading this book won't help when someone else who is considerably bolder could come around and snatch the man you want right out from under you!

Let's face it, if some women and men didn't take the initiative in their love lives, they would be dateless (and mateless) for years and years! Besides, this idea of waiting around for the man to always call you first or ask you out on a date first sounds far too much like being a hapless spider having to settle for whatever falls into your web!

If you took the same attitude toward getting a job or finding a place to live, just imagine how awful that would be! You wouldn't give up your power and choices in those areas, so why should the men always be allowed to call the shots without any concern about what your wants and needs may be? Hey, it's your life...do what you want. Part of being a human is deciding for YOURSELF what works for you and what doesn't!

Naturally, no one likes to be hurt, but part of finding love is taking risks where rejection is concerned. Sometimes you just have to go for broke. In the dating scene you have to sometimes take chances and just learn not to take rejection personally.

Such book I find are an insult to both of the sexes in their sweeping generalisations as are TV programmes such as 'Sex and the City'. There is more than one way to conduct a relationship and you have to find what is right for you and your partner.
[Edited 1/9/05 2:51am]

I have not read this book yet alone heard of it, so my answer is not objective. However, I can imagine it makes some pretty sweeping patronising generalisations about the sexes and relationships. True, men and (women) should think "Hey, I'm worth more than this and I'm not going to settle for less'. However, that is all very well and good, but it really goes beyond relationships. To some extent, we have to work hard (and, as an unfortunate side effect, suffer) for everything in life - jobs, material possessions, etc - and when love or money or other things we want don't come to us, it's easier emotionally to justify and/or make excuses as to why we're not getting what we feel we deserve when we want it. Whether it's the attention of a man (or woman) or a promotion at work, I can imagine quite patronisingly and in no uncertain terms that this book tells YOU are the only one who will suffer if you continue to cling to something that wasn't meant to be.

Common sense tells us that life is too short to pine for things that aren't meant to happen. Who knows how many great things pass us by because we're too busy worrying about getting something or someone that just wasn't meant to be. But then why would anyone need the help of just one guy to tell us that? Men, women and life is much, much more complex than that! Why should one man tell women what to do and define the rules to the game? Good grief!

I guess what the author argues is to some extent true but it is not the ONLY truth. I just think we all know deep down inside when someone doesn't really like or respect us, that's just plain common sense...or at least it should be!

Such a book suggests of the myth that men have far more of the power when it comes to relationships. Come on, we are now in the 21s century! Why should NEVER call a man or ask any man out first?!It's only two to three hours of time spent with someone socially not a life sentence!If some man feels intimidated because a woman is being pro-active when it comes to meeting her needs for a social and/or romantic life, then who needs that kind of man?

Personally, I think no matter who you are reality of dating and relationships is that time and tide wait for no one! Sometimes one has to seize the opportunity when in front of them! A shy person reading this book won't help when someone else who is considerably bolder could come around and snatch the man you want right out from under you!

Let's face it, if some women and men didn't take the initiative in their love lives, they would be dateless (and mateless) for years and years! Besides, this idea of waiting around for the man to always call you first or ask you out on a date first sounds far too much like being a hapless spider having to settle for whatever falls into your web!

If you took the same attitude toward getting a job or finding a place to live, just imagine how awful that would be! You wouldn't give up your power and choices in those areas, so why should the men always be allowed to call the shots without any concern about what your wants and needs may be? Hey, it's your life...do what you want. Part of being a human is deciding for YOURSELF what works for you and what doesn't!

Naturally, no one likes to be hurt, but part of finding love is taking risks where rejection is concerned. Sometimes you just have to go for broke. In the dating scene you have to sometimes take chances and just learn not to take rejection personally.

Such book I find are an insult to both of the sexes in their sweeping generalisations as are TV programmes such as 'Sex and the City'. There is more than one way to conduct a relationship and you have to find what is right for you and your partner.
[Edited 1/9/05 2:51am]

JD actually touched on the one part of the book I found to be loathesome. The notion that women must sit around and wait for a guy to call and do the asking out no matter what. Any guy who can't deal with that isn't worth dating anyway. It may make my pool of potential mates much smaller, but so what. I'm happy enough on my own without lowering my standards... Which is pretty much what the rest of the book is about anyway.

nakedpianoplayer said:

I'm an angel and a prick,,,,,there, I said it.

"The One" I think is a fairy tale. Live life for today, be confident in yourself and the choices that you make. Your gut instinct will guide you, you just have to be willing to listen to it.

trailertrash said:

although...this can be the hardest thing to actually act out in life, depending on your situation.

i am trying to practice this very thing in my own life right now as we speak.

CarrieMpls said:

:nono:Like CarrieMpls said, we should not have to sit around and wait on a guy. I think society still has a stigma on women who speak their mind or is the initial aggressor. If they make the first call or move they are some kind of slut.

But on the other hand, if a woman puts out and is not in a mutually monogamous relationship, she should see it as a sexual encounter, not a marriage proposal. Alot of women still confuse sex and love.

"The One" I think is a fairy tale. Live life for today, be confident in yourself and the choices that you make. Your gut instinct will guide you, you just have to be willing to listen to it.

trailertrash said:

I don't know if men think that if a woman makes the first call or move then they're a slut. Well, for me it's a myth anyway! I love the thought that someone was really interested in me as I'm sure anybody would.
[Edited 1/10/05 2:19am]

JDINTERACTIVE said:

But its usually not the men the give the women these labels, now is it?

trailertrash said:

Well, I don't know. It all seems a bit unpleaseant to call someone that either way!