SCIENTIST REVEALS: THUNDER CAUSED BY FAT PEOPLE DOING JUMPING JACKS


The results of a prominent new scientific study reveal that thunder is caused exclusively by the pounding sounds created by fat people doing jumping jacks!

For generations, scientists believed that thunder was a booming or crashing noise caused by air expanding along the path of a bolt of lightning. "We now know that to be false," asserts Dr. Vigo Salandry, Director of the National Weather Research Institute, located just outside Washington, D.C.

"We've tracked a direct correlation between thunder and extremely overweight people doing jumping jacks. There is no doubt about it."

During the 15-year study, Salandry's team closely monitored 10 different groups of men and women, each of whom were at least 100 pounds overweight, and some of whom were as much as 300 pounds overweight. Each time any one of the groups began a five minute session of jumping jacks, thunder followed within 30 seconds.

Control groups of average-weight people were also used. When these groups did jumping jacks, there was no thunder whatsoever.

"We are very excited about this important new information," says Salandry.

"And hope to have equally exciting news once we complete our current studies of angels' dandruff causing snow, and farting from Mexican food causing lightning."

If you really wanna see lightning, send them running through a freshly carpeted room in a pair of spandex