Tomorrow I'm meeting a guy who I've communicated by phone for a week. He seems really cool and I'm looking forward to meeting him. We are either going to dinner or a movie. Dating does not come easy for me, and I generally don't bother. This year has been different, things are turning around, but I need to get beyond the first meeting. Obviously first impressions are big, and face-to-face conversation determines whether there's a match or possibility. I sincerely want to know from the orgers what are the do's and don't when conversing on the first date or meeting? What are big first date turn offs? When do you know that it's not working or worth going further than the first date? Does it matter if I wear nice jeans and a top since it is the only day I can wear jeans to work, and I want to feel comfortable? Thanks for sharing your experiences and ideas.

Don't fart....too much

Be yourself, and try not to put out on the first date, thats were I usually run into trouble


[Edited 10/14/04 9:52am]

it's really important to be comfortable, so wear what you want, you don't want to be all self concious tugging at clothes all the time,

be yourself and have fun.

ella731 said:

lollyp0p said:

I learned it from you!

Don't wear jeans.

And don't use your teeth.

don't talk too much and don't talk too little.

Anxiety said:

how much is to much

ella731 said:

secret is indeed out

this is my list of definate nono's that wont get a second date

i cant stand a man that chews with his mouth open, smacks his food, or uses his teeth on silverwear, that drives me crazy !!

eye to eye contact is always nice, not eye to breast and definately not eye to other women contact

letting a woman order first, thats always a nice touch... and holding the door for them, i guess i am oldfashioned that way

conversation should flow freely from both sides, and definately show an interest in the persons likes and dislikes.. where they've been in life.. and what you have in common.

laughter thats always great.. i have a weakness for a man that makes me laugh.

dont talk about ex's - that never gets you anywhere.

i hate it when a man tries to hard, you know what i mean ? its like, damn man, just chill out and be yourself.

and, unless a woman gives the signal, dont try to grope her the first time you meet her, thats just not cool.


other than that, the obvious, dont date a man with keys, or dreads... that was a statement in memory of joey cuz, i knew he would make it himself if he were here... damn i miss him.






have fun, and let us know how it goes dating can be fun, try to look at it that way

FunkMistress said:

Could you elaborate on this one?

xpsiter said:

Must I?

xpsiter said:

Yeah I'm curious about that one as well.
Wait, what's wrong with wearing jeans? Black jeans, not faded??

FunkMistress said:

FunkMistress said:

should she remove her teeth first? In that case I would suggest taking some kind of utensil to put them in.

Lleena said:

something like a live chicken.

funkyslsistah said:

Well, you said first impressions are important. If you have some sexy black jeans that fit you really well, then go for it. But I was thinking "comfy old blue jeans" which does not send the message that you're excited to meet this person.

Black jeans, yes. Faded, no. The nice jeans and a top idea sounds good.

TheFrog said:

It's not easy concealing a live chicken from your date you know, I know, I've tried.

ella731 said:

when you're telling your date about how all the pets you've had throughout your life got their names and you look over and your date is pantomiming various suicide techniques, you might wanna consider wrapping it up and letting them chat for a bit.

Is anybody ever bothered by silence? After about 10-15 mins of going back and forth on various topics, I think it's good to take a moment to build up the discussion, and not talk just to prove that you can. Some talkative people like to go on and on and on with stories and whatnot to the point that I get drained from listening and I just need a moment to take it all in. Sometimes the silence leads to a misinterpretation of interest.

I can't deny how much physical attraction plays a role. Not that I would automatically think, oh I would date this person, but you can visualize whether the relationship can go further over time and that you really want to see if it will build up to that. Of course if you can visualize kissing them, that's a plus.

Thanks Nakedpiano, funkmistress, and Anxiety for your responses. I will give the lowdown after I get acosted by coworkers on Monday. Keep the suggestions coming!

Lleena said:

i remember it well.

you tried to blame the noises on wind, bless you.

funkyslsistah said:

Find out where you're going before you decide what to wear. If it's a casual restaurant and a movie, jeans are fine ...especially if they hit your curves in all the right places.

DO ... be overly realistic
DON'T ... have expectations

Dazzle him with your knowledge of Prince, Tom Waits, Bruce Springsteen, Fran Lebowitz, Woody Allen, Neil Labute, Chris Rock, Seinfeld, reality TV and sexual techniques. If that fails, drop trou and show him your behind.

But seriously, folks...

Go to the movie first. If you have trouble getting the conversation started, at least you'll have that to talk about.

Other than that? Relax. Be yourself. Smile. Have fun!

Pool is always good, too. Having an activity that keeps you busy in case of conversational lulls (which are usually inevitable) will put less pressure on both of you. If one of you doesn't know how to play, the other can "teach" them. Trust me - it's fun.

Ace said:

pool is a good way,

Mach said:

exactly!

- don't talk about ur ex's
- meet him somewhere (don't give exact address of ur home/work/hang outs, just in case you NEVER want 2 c him again) Plus if u r in ur own car u can cut the date short at any time.
- don't ask him about his $$ on the first date, or his car or houses etc etc
- don't ask about really personal things like bankruptcy LOL or child payments or baby mutha's LOL
- Try to think positive and b confident at all times because if u don't ur body language is going 2 send him negative messages and that looks unattractive (men like confident women!)
- Make sure u let him talk about himself and don't take over the conversation it should b 50/50
- Don't eat anything that makes a mess (Pasta, soups etc etc) if you get nervous and make a boo boo it might turn out 2 b really cute or really pathetic LOL
- Don't kiss on the first date!!!! give him something 2 work 4! maybe on the second date or 3rd u will-- but NOT THE FIRST!! LOL
- no NOOKY!!!!
- relax, have fun, talk about ur hobbies, childhood, career (NOT ur career goals!!!! u r not interviewing for him! LOL just talk about basic stuff that u do at work!)
- don't talk about having kids!!!!!
- don't talk about how his place is too boyish and "needs a feminine touch" LOL
(he's single -- his house is not going 2 look like ur place, boys r messy!!!)


that's it 4 now LOL HEHEHEHEHEHE