'So look out that you do not set your hopes...too high, and thereby have an experience like people who see things under water. They expect them to be as large as they looked through the water, from above, when the image was magnified under the light; and when they fish them up, they are annoyed to find them a great deal smaller...you will have yourselves to blame for your expectations.'
-Lucian

I think we all to some extent or another harbour expectations. Expectations of ourselves, of others, of things in particular, of the world in general. To what extent do you think we should hold on to them?
[Edited 9/9/04 13:09pm]

Expectations create upset!

I agree. The Tao says we should abolish all expectation because it creates upset.

It depends on what situations you're referring to...

I think it's healthy to have certain expectations when it comes to relationships...that you be treated with respect, that they be honest, that they honor what you share by how they treat you, etc, etc....

I think the real trouble comes not when you have expectations, but when you focus on results. I may have all my expectations being met within a relationship, yet still refuse to go further in that same relationship because I can't be guaranteed what the results will be if I do.

Act without concern of result....

Byron said:

Well....I think those are standards that we set for our own protection, but it has nothing to do with applying those to other people and "expecting" them to behave that way. Either they will or they won't. If they don't then that particular situation is not for you. If they do...then carry on!

applekisses said:

That's the same thing, though...you're merely saying that if your expectations aren't met, don't be discouraged by it..lol. But they are expectations nonetheless...like I said, depends on the situation.

JDINTERACTIVE said:

Can I call him Lucy for short?

Byron said:

We're speaking the same language, then

In My opinion.

With respect to the expectations have of themselves People always have to have goals....

...The secret is to keep these goals realistic and attainable,....they also should be a challenge

if the person wishes to progress.....

These goals should also be fluid or flexible and reviewed regularly to ensure they are

...appropriate to the situation...an to preserve the health of the goal setter....

Like I Said....Just My Opinion....

I think expectations set up barriers.

Is it not better to let one be who they are?

If one finds that they don't like what they are seeing then it is better to let them go before anything develops...

JDINTERACTIVE said:

Snap your fingers, snap your fingers....you know what that is?....broken fingers?

Expectations in a relationship are fine. In fact, I think it's quite healthy to have an idea of what you want your life (present and future) to be like. It becomes a problem when expectations become demands.

J0eyC0c0 said:

Well put!

I suppose if you rid yourself of expectations you will in turn rid yourself of dissapointment. Because then nothing can happen that is contrary to expectations you don't have. Having no expectations allows you to make the best of every circumstance, and not just those circumstances that conform to your own notions of what should happen. I wouldn't go so far as to say ideally one should abandon all attentiveness and efforts; on the contrary, it means not taking everything for granted.

applekisses said:

LoL...Indeed we are..

sag10 said:

Expectations don't keep you from letting people be who they are...demands (as Joey said), however, do.

Actually, if you think about it, even the example used in the original post could be proven a bit lacking...

Think of it:

If we know ahead of time that water and light magnifies objects, then wouldn't we be expecting the item we view underneath the water to be smaller than it appears??...Knowledge would lead us towards having that expectation, and it would be a reasonable one to have. So, is the example given a fancy shmancy way of saying "Aim low...aim so low that nobody will notice if you don't succeed"??..lol (thank you, Marge Simpson... )

J0eyC0c0 said:

Indeed. It is easy to have expectations of someone you are fond of and it is perfectly reasonable to do so if they show effection to you. However, such is reality that due to certain circumstances, they cannot always live up to your expectations. With no expectations, I think there lies in real pleasure when they do show signs of effection when you least expect it. Even more so, you won't be upset when they don't. Instead of being angry at that person, I think it is best to engage with someone else who has time for you.

JDINTERACTIVE said:

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[Edited 9/9/04 15:39pm]

sag10 said:

right on, Sag... as always!

This was taught to me...

If we are able to abandon our expectations, our hopes and fears, we no longer need to be manipulative. We don't have to try to con situations into our preconceived notions of how they should be. We work with what is. Our intentions are pure.

Once our intentions are pure, we no longer have to be embarrassed about our speech. Since we aren't trying to manipulate people, we don't have to be hesitant about what we say, nor do we need to try bluff our way through a conversation with any sort of phoney confidence. We say what needs to be said, very simply in a genuine way.

I used to have expectations about EVERYTHING in life, whether it was good or bad expectations. As time has gone by I've been stripped of my illusions little by little, and now find myself empty, without even the capability to expect things anymore. I'm not sad about it though, because it's such a relief to not have to hope, dream and wonder.