I usually hate to analyze love, as if u can really achieve anything by doing it, but am going to anyway (or at least ask questions). Something has been running through my mind.

I love my wife, I adore her. However, I remember a sceptical friend who suggested I pitied my wife, felt sorry for her, more than loved her. Is love more about loving someone because of the way they make U feel? (i.e. they make u smile, laugh, make u happy) Are these the initial reasons u sometimes ove someone, somewhat selfishly, because they make YOU feel good, not because you love them? It's hard to explain what I mean, but I hope you can see what I'm getting at. It feels like there are two slightly different things there.

Or is it reasonable to love someone partly for the reason of wanting to make sure their life turns out as well as possible with as little pain and hurt as is possible? The only way to be sure of this fact is to simply to be there and be the one for someone, to take their life in your hands and take care of them for the rest of their life. Is that love or something else? A different kind of love to the one people seek in a husband and wife relationship or equivalent? The love of a good friend?

I find that I do want to take care of my wife forever for the purpose of being sure she can lead a good life. I don't think I do pity her or feel sorry for her. I just can't bear to think of her being sad and hurt and if I'm not with her I can never be sure of where her life will go. I love her personality, the person she is, but I do love very much the way she makes me feel.

There are so many facets to love and relationships aren't there?

fauxnewbie said:

yes.

My opinion is that everything we do can be explained as a somewhat selfish action. Loving someone is one of them. You want to be with the person, because the person makes you feel good, you want to be the best bf/gf/husband/wife to that person, because making them happy is making you feel good as well. If it wouldn't feel good to you, you wouldn't want it.

I completely understand what you're saying! It's something I've been trying to explain to people for years, but they think I'm crazy. Love is selfish. There's nothing wrong with it as long as your desires don't keep the other person from being happy.

fauxnewbie said:

i dont know..i thought i knew what love was..until my girlfriend who i loved very much just 1 day decided she didnt need me anymore and decided that it would be best if she left and that we dont even talk anymore..so to this day i have never gotten over her and have a hard recognizing real love

Mazerati said:

Real love is something mutual. I think fauxnewbie is just wondering whether or not he truly loves his wife. Based on what he has said I think he does, it's just that people tend to pretend love is unselfish or noble. It's neither....IMHO.

REDBABY said:

You need to be spanked.

fauxnewbie said:

Love stinks...

I agree, when I first laid eyes on She-Ra, I was actaully in the form of Prince Adam, and NOT He-Man...she wouldn't even give me a chance

But in the form of He-Man, She-Ra couldnt resist...I remember the first time we got busy, it was at Castle Grey Skull at the back of the...

REDBABY said:

Of what?

fauxnewbie said:

Poo!

REDBABY said:

Poo is good. Very necessary. Now be nice or I won't smile.

HeManX said:

I always thought u were gay.

fauxnewbie said:

no, thats someone else

HeManX said:

fauxnewbie said:

I cant be nice, I am not nice, but please smile.

fauxnewbie said:

LoL

My same exact thoughts about YOU! But I ALWAYS think that of cute guys...

fauxnewbie said:

that's awful...

i couldn't be in love with someone i pitied. i have to respect the man i'm with and if i pitied him, i'd feel superior to him in some way...

fauxnewbie said:

And there you go. That line says it all.

Rules that apply to the person that commentated on your relationship with your wife do not have to apply to you. What he/she tried to force on you, almost always with the best intentions, was THEIR limited view of your relationship.
You can take it into account and are allowed to think this person talks complete bullshit. I always get irritated when another person is trying to push the way THEY think about your relationship onto you. What is that all about?
You can be concerned about someone, but without immediately having to share that concern.

On the other hand, the comment spooked you enought to start a thread about it. Are you maybe scared that there is some truth in what this person says?
Taking care of a person and enjoying this does not mean you are in love with that person.

But who defines love indeed? My views on love have shifted from impossible to possible, from romance to reality. I these days consider forms of relationships that I as a teen saw as impossible. So, who knows?

I love the fact you are rooting for your wife. Marriage always is and should be about being there for eachother, in good times and bad. Too many people get married just cuz it is pressured onto them by society. Get into it for the wrong reasons.

Love comes in many different ways...

fauxnewbie said:

this is infatuation, euphoria, the beginning stage of 'something'. it's the bait, it's what brings you back. it's an addictive feeling, but it is not love.




that's interesting. there is an 'agape' love, which is a friendship type love, and there is an 'eros' love, which is an erotic type love, that between lovers. what you describe here is almost a parent caring for a child, that of a caregiver. but i think as long as it is not one sided, as long as you are satisfied with the return than i suppose love can be whatever you make it.



i'm no expert, but sounds like love to me.

REDBABY said:

starkitty said:

Cool, so it's official, it's love.

J0eyC0c0 said:

Thanks for your contribution. Well thought out and insightful as usual.

gooeythehamster said:

Ok gooey, first up thanks for contributing. Second thing, you thought I was gay? I guess I do pluck my wife's eyebrows, help her buy and pick out her clothes, and live in Bangkok. Maybe this thread is a waste of time! But I digress...

The person that thought I may pity her is a good friend who had, and always has had, my happiness in mind. Regarding my feeling that there may be truth in this, I guess there was once. This comment that he made was actually a couple of years ago, I must admit. At the time he obviously felt there might be something in it, and I guess I did too. It was just something that popped back into my head as I've been catching up with him again for the first time in a year and a half.

I think when I first met her I felt both infatuation and pity, and love was there deep down. I think perhaps I did care for her in the beginning in more of a fatherly way and indeed probably controlled her quite a bit. At the time this was probably what she needed, but I don't think if things had continued the same way that we'd be together now. She was naive in some ways and worldly-wise in others. She needed to learn some self-discipline and to be able to take responsibility. Ultimately I think she learned something from me but I think she just grew up, became stronger, more focused, determined and responsible, and somewhere along the lines after maybe 6 months my role changed from parent to boyfriend/husband. I think I saw something in her and basically she grew into it. Now she's a woman who needs me but not in the way she once she did. It's more of a complementary thing, and it definitely works, but I guess the reason I started the thread is because I think it started from something a little different to love.

Something like that.

fauxnewbie said:

Very interesting. It's great that you both progressed and learned together.

Since that comment was 2 years ago, then you're probably right about starting there and healing each other. I'm guessing.

HeManX said:

dude. ain't she-ra your sister?

Only you can be the judge of what you feel, and what you want in your marriage.

And if it is right for you, and it feels right, then stay away from the skeptics.

fauxnewbie said:

Good one, mate.

Thanks for your honesty. It is very easy to be funny online, but hard to be honest.