found this and thought it was good for a laugh etc...sorry ladies

1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the love sword as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.

2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle.

3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.

4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like, "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak in whole sentences.

5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases - but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.

6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.

7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises with out thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done.

8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love It. If you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.

9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.

10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying: "Are you going to come soon." If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually aware and gifted human beings.

11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's ever had most men have had so many sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an important thing.

12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.

13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real man he's probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.

14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your snatch look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging.

15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savoring taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it when you come in my mouth" makes for a happy finale to fun and games.

16. BEING UNGRATEFUL: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if a)sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or b)you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man's role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.

17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask, "Do you think I should buy that dress, skirt, sofa, Mercedes, country cottage?" There is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain - prostitution.

So true....

crazyhorse said:

Alright, I know most of this is tongue in cheek but dammit if I can't giggle in bed when I wanna the guy's got to go.

CarrieMpls said:

Exactly. And if they say something as cheesy as that, they deserve to be laughed at anyway.

minneapolisgenius said:

crazyhorse said:

what if you not a one night stand?? and even if you are!!!

violett said:

Give the guy 5 mins to catch his breath and cool off before you cuddle him.

J0eyC0c0 said:

minneapolisgenius said:

No, I mean, sure it's cheesy as hell, but unless he was trying to be funny laughing at a guy is not nice.

J0eyC0c0 said:

I never said I was nice.

minneapolisgenius said:

I should have known.

J0eyC0c0 said:

i thought this was gonna be how women fuck up relationships.

J0eyC0c0 said:

fine...but what about that shit that says... he does not want to touch you

nice ....thats fucked up.

starkitty said:

It could still apply to a relationship based on sex.

CarrieMpls said:

I agree Carrie.... Laughter must be a part of every aspect of a relationship

Crazyhorse!!!

starkitty said:

Me too...but, the title should have given it away...

"How women blow it"

Thats mad me laugh so hard!

Men are funny creatures, makes me wonder why we lock wild animals up in cages to stand and point and laugh at there antics, a man like the one who wrote that would be our best bet for entertainment

Oh but hang on, that was actually funny.....

it must have been a woman who wrote

5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases - but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.



That's sick!

CarrieMpls said:

So true. The ability to laugh at how ridiculous you may look during sex is a good thing

LOL...i'm just reading this for the first time, damn.The dangers of copy and paste are infinite...

crazyhorse said:

Suuuuure!!!

J0eyC0c0 said:

crazyhorse said:

Ladies - and fellas if you're into that kind of filth - was is posted here may be the single most important piece of information you'll ever learn.. so take notes.. and what's more important: use this info in practice

That's some funny shit!

Now can we get some rules for the men? I mean I know all of you guys think you can eat a pussy like no other...but most of you really don't know what you're doing. Sorry, but it's true.

CarrieLee said:

I agree... And I'm not embarrassed to say I learned everything I know about whistling in the wheat field from a women.

6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.
Yeah!!

7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you.

That is so true!!


12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something.

and the hits just keep coming!!

14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off.

see here's where I might disagree...

16. BEING UNGRATEFUL: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if a)sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or b)you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man's role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.
lol

starkitty said:

we don't need a list for that, you girls do such a good job already

violett said:

maybe... but it's true