man walks in a bar, asks a stupid question, barkeeper gives some funny answer, man leaves


sorry, can't remember all the details

A horse walks into a bar and says 'A pint of bitter please.'

'Certainly sir' says the barman 'but why the long face?'

Mistadobalina said:

Oh I'm impressed thats the best one yet

soulyacolia said:

heh.

a grizzly bear walks into a bar and looks for a long time at the available beers, before ordering a pint of bitter.

"Sure thing," says the barman, "but why the long paws?"

TheFrog said:

I was walking down the street the other day and saw this guy walking towards me with a brick on a lead. I thought "Oh, oh, looks like we got someone here who forgot to take his tablets", but I thought I'd humour him as thats the kind of guy I am.

So anyways I stop in front of him and bent down towards the brick and said "Oh thats such a cute little doggie you have there, whats its name ?"

This guy just looks at me wierd and goes "You what ? Thats not a dog silly, its a brick on a lead!"

As you can imagine I was quite embarrassed and carried on walking feeling a right idiot. Then I overheard this guy saying "That fooled him didnt it, Shep !!"
[This message was edited Tue Jul 13 5:42:52 2004 by petski]

a man goes into a bar and says bar man i want to buy everyone in here a drink and while u're at it get yourself one too.....

after the bar man had dished out all the drinks to the full bar he asks the customer what he wanted

"I'll have a double scotch please, but we shouldn't really be drinking"

barman: "why not"

cause i only have £1.50 in my pocket
[This message was edited Tue Jul 13 5:30:17 2004 by lollyp0p]

Another day I was walking through the park near where I live and saw a penguin waddling out of the pond. I then saw a policeman walking by so quickly I picked up the penguin and shouted after him.

He stopped and I showed him what I had found and asked him what he thought I should do with it. He rubbed his chin while he pondered and then said "Well, I think your best bet would be to take him to the zoo".

I agreed he was probably right and proceeded in the direction of the zoo.

The next day I was walking throught the same park again (I like walking in that park) and strangely enough I saw the same policeman from the day before. I smiled at him and said hello, but he didnt seem that happy to see me. Then he said "What the hell are you still doing with that penguin, I thought I told you to take him to the zoo yesterday ??!!"

Well as you can imagine as was quite shocked and didnt quite understand why he was reacting like that, anyway I replied "I did, i did take him to the zoo yesterday. But today I thought I'd take him to the cinema."
[This message was edited Tue Jul 13 5:53:04 2004 by petski]

petski said:

Warning : These jokes are 20 years past their use-by date :


What do you do if you see an elephant coming down the stairs ?
Swim.


The World Health Organisation undertook to determine what the purpose of the foreskin is.
They commissioned a study group in UCLA to do the research. 5 years later, and having spent a grant of $10m they determined that "it may enhance pleasure for the man during intercourse".
Unsatisfied with the lack of conclusiveness of the report, they commissioned another study, this time by the University of Rangoon. 5 years and $15m later their conclusion was that "it may enhance pleasure for the woman during intercourse".
Still unsatisfied with the findings, they decided to commission one final study, to be undertaken by a group of students in UL (University of Limerick).
Their study took 20 minutes, at a cost of 6 pints of Guinness and 4 packets of cheese and onion crisps, and determined that "it stops the man's hand from slipping".


How do you make a dog do metalwork ?
Give him a kick in the balls and he'll make a bolt for the door.

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain
> on the ground? A. Shoot him again.

>
>
>
>
>
> Q. Why do little boys whine?
>
> A. Because they're practicing to be men.
>

> . Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
>
> A. Trustworthy.
>
>
>
> . Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
calling
> your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
>
>
>
> . Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A.Because
not
> one will stop and ask directions.
>
>
>
> . Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A.
To
> stop the snoring before it starts
>
>
>
>
>
> . Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
>
> A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
>
>
>
> Q: What is the difference between men and women...
>
> A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every
woman
> to satisfy his one need.
>
>
>
> Q: How does a man keep his youth?
>
> A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
>
>
>
> Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
>
> A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

What do you call a Deer with no eyes?

No idea.


What do you call a Deer with no eyes and no Legs

Still no idea

cborgman said:

omg...the first ikeslap i've gotten in a long time...

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they
talk about their moonshine operation.
>
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The
woman shakes her head no.
>
"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head
no.
>
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress,
yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with
his tongue.
>
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth.
>
As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the
bar.
>
His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick
Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"

soulyacolia said:

THAT REMIND POOK OF JOKE!

IT START THIS WAY

JOHN KERRY WALK INTO BAR

POOK FORGET REST

Q: TWO FLIES SITTING ON A VAGINA , WHICH ONE IS ON DRUGS

A: THE ONE ON THE CRACK







SO AS NOT TO OFFEND I HAD TO USE VAGINA.

sag10 said:

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

JDINTERACTIVE said:

Lawd!

Why did the Jam Roll?

'cos it saw the Kitchen Sink.


What's the difference between Light and Hard?

Can sleep with a Light on.

TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOUR CHILD IS TOO OLD FOR BREASTFEEDING

10. He can open your blouse by himself, with one hand.
9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.
8. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.
7. He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.
6. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.
5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine.
4. After each feeding, he has a smoke.
3. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.
2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to "Dueling Banjos."

And the number one sign your child is too old to breastfeed:

1. Beard abrasions on areola.

I am da wooooorld...i am da children...i am da one to make a brighter day so lets start liviiiiin...

A man fell into an upholstry machine at work yesterday. It's OK though, he's fully recovered.

Da way i make me feeel (da way i make me feeel)..i really turn me on...( really turn me on) I knock me off-a my feet now baby! Hee!

[b]say knock knock

ashley said:

knock knock

lollyp0p said:

i think i mean who's there!

damn that alcohol

JDINTERACTIVE said:

oh lawd, that's bad!