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Joined:March 18th 2019
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You’ve asked a girl out and she said no. Now what? Well the first thing to remember is that while it is personal, it really isn’t. Dating isn’t about ranking people and determining who ranks high enough to date. It’s about finding the right person for you. Don’t assume she said no because she thinks you aren’t good looking enough or successful enough or smart enough. Is it possible she thinks these things? Sure it is, but you can be good looking, successful, and smart, and just not be the right person for the girl in front of you. Maybe you’re a free spirit and she’s traditional? Maybe your jokes make her friends laugh, but not her? That doesn’t mean you aren’t well grounded and funny. It just means you aren’t her kind of well-grounded and funny.
Then there’s always the case where you are the right guy and she doesn’t see that. Well, there is nothing you can do about that. This situation only applies if you have a friendship with the woman. If you just met her and you think you are her man, get your head examined! If you have a long-standing friendship with her though, and you really think you are right for each other, then just wait it out. Subtly convince her. Don’t pressure her. Just be yourself and be a good friend and highlight your good qualities when the opportunity comes up. If she never sees it, you have to move on.
Then there are those cases where we say no because we have someone. Maybe it isn’t a boyfriend. If we have a boyfriend, we will tell you that. Something there’s just that guy that we like and are already starting to date. While many girls will date both men for awhile to see who they work best with, some will not. This means it isn’t your fault. The only thing you did wrong was ask second.
Then you have those situations where she really does think you are as ugly as sin and “as interesting as a wet carrot” (South Park quote). Well, somewhere out there is a guy that would think she was as ugly as sin and as interesting as a wet carrot. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

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It was our third couples counseling session. My husband started off, "She's so ungrateful. Everything I do makes her mad. I made dinner, and she didn't even appreciate that!"
"Is that true?"
"He made delicious enchiladas. I asked if I had to pay $18 because that's what they would charge in a restaurant for enchiladas this good. We tend to make the same four dinners. Knowing this recipe was a keeper, I said they were great, but next time, can you please leave out the raw onion?"
Sure enough, the next week he made them again. I was excited because I had a long day with the baby, I was starving, and I was tired of takeout too. I asked if he could please leave the raw onion off of mine. 'No.'
I thought he was being sarcastic. But 9 p.m. rolled around and finally his new signature dish was done. I took a bite, and, you guessed it, a mouthful of raw onion. It was in the entire dish. I picked through my dinner, but the onion land mines were impossible to avoid. I thanked him for cooking and asked if next time he could please put the onion on the side. "Why?" he asked.
Our therapist jumped in. "Couldn't you just put the onion on the side?"
"Fine. It's not important. Next time I'll put the onion on the side."
"But it is important. It's very important. I can't tell you how important it is," said Dr. B. I was surprised to hear him say this. I know most women would say I should stop my bitchin,' at least your husband makes a meal... I thought Dr. B would say just pick out the onions like my mother suggested. But, he didn't.
Dr. B. continued, "Some people like mustard on their hamburgers. Some don't. I wouldn't think to force someone to eat mustard on their hamburger if they don't like it. She had a long day with the baby. She was hungry. Is there a reason you couldn't leave the onion out of her enchiladas?"
"She's so picky, if I leave off the onion, next time she'll decide she doesn't like the chicken, and then I'll have to leave that out too!"
That's when an onion made me cry, and there wasn't even one nearby. Hearing my husband, I realized he didn't want to do anything to please me. He had so much anger toward me that it even came through in a simple Mexican dinner.
I wondered, "Is it possible to sustain a relationship when your spouse feels you're so impossible to please that they stop trying?" I wasn't sure, but I knew this was VERY important.

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