I know this is old news...but I just came across it, and thought I'd share!


Millions Of Bi–Curious Girls Agree That Tori And Fiona Rule
By DeviantSix - October 14, 2001



Can millions of bi–curious girls be wrong?


Originally posted June 14th, 2000

In a survey given by the U.S. Geological Institute in August 1999, the question "How can we predict earthquake activity by studying the patterns of tectonic plate motion?" was answered 8 out of 10 times by females stating "I'm not really gay or bi–sexual but if I was I would have to be with Fiona Apple, in fact she's my girlfriend now, but she doesn't know it." That answer is not only incorrect but what does it have to do with anything? Women seemingly have to share their desires for Tori or Fiona no matter what the question is.

One possible reason for the connection with Tori Amos is encoded in the lyrics to just about every song she has. Lines like "you gave him your blood and your warm little diamond, he likes killing you after you're dead you think I'm a queer," or "Never was a cornflake girl, thought that was a good solution hangin' with the raisin girls, she's gone to the other side." Normally lyrics like these would cause you to say, "what the hell does that mean?" however, in the translating these lyrics I've found that you can substitute the phrase "I am a sexually confused adolescent girl," and it works every time. This is subliminal mass hypnotism at it's finest. All I'm saying is that if you know a guy that can accurately translate and understand these lyrics then he is a sexually confused adolescent girl trapped in a man's body.

The reasons for the Fiona infatuation are a little more obvious. She's a cute, little, bitter girl with quite a voice. Add to that the fact that she has a history that all American teenage girls can relate to: She was born to a singer and actor who later divorced. She was brutally raped and left high school at age 16. She then moved to Los Angeles where she was handed a recording contract as a teenager. This speaks volumes about the typical American upbringing and clearly many young American girls can relate.

If you have a daughter that spends way too much time in the shower with her girlfriends or if you have a girlfriend that recently left you because she decided she is gay, then I suggest you take a look at their music collection. It's possibly not genetic, biological, or even something they just decided. Most likely they have been listening to way too much Tori and Fiona. The seed has been planted and it's too late to change anything. The record labels know this and are all on the mad hunt for their own artists that subliminally tell teenage girls to "go ahead and fuck anything and go on talk shows to talk about it."

I urge you, my loyal readers, to join me in a class action lawsuit against the R.I.A.A. and the music industry to put an end to this, yet another attack on your will to be an individual. It is true that every perverse behavior and lifestyle can be traced back to music: suicides can be traced to Ozzy Ozbourne and Marilyn Manson, school violence can be traced to Rammstein and KMFDM, popping a cap in a successful rapper's ass can be traced to Notorious B.I.G. and 2Pac and not doing a god damned thing with your life can be traced to The Grateful Dead. This latest trend of being bi–sexual can now be traced to Tori Amos and Fiona Apple. These girls are not to blame as we all know the majority of humanity is weak willed and wouldn't know what to do with their lives if the media didn't instruct them.

bi-piano-ality!


Tori Story 2



Boys for Pele
Boys For Pele, the grammy-nominated fourth album by singer and songwriter Tori Amos, is perhaps her least well-known and yet most-purchased album to date. Featuring 19 pop songs that incorporate harpsichord, clavichord, harmonium, gospel choirs, brass bands and full orchestras, the album addresses the concept of the different types of men that enter and affect a woman's life.
Named for the legendary volcano goddess Pele (and not the Brazilian football player), the album's first single, Caught a Lite Sneeze, was groundbreaking because it was the first song in history to be offered free-of-charge as an internet download. The album was praised and hailed by critics and fans as a huge musical achievement, but because the music was so inaccessible to radio, it did not initially sell well.

Shortly after its release, however, the song Professional Widow was remixed into a dance track that immediately rocketed to number one in the charts. The song Talula was also remixed and included on the soundtrack to the film Twister. Two new versions of the album were then released; in the UK, the remix of Professional Widow was added to the album after the original version of the song (and the song In the Springtime of His Voodoo was removed completely). In the USA, the original version of the song Talula was replaced by Talula (the Tornado Version).

Album sales quickly picked up because of the desire to have these remixes. Ironically, the removed track ...Voodoo was also remixed but was a much smaller club success. Interest in the album resurfaced when, a little less than a year after its release, Tori Amos sang vocals on Blue Skies, another huge club and dance hit by dance music artist BT (Brian Transeau).

The album stirred up a lot of controversy because of the photography included in the liner notes. Most notably, a photo of Amos suckling a baby piglet at her breast was removed from library editions of the album. There was also a lawsuit by a man who got into a car accident while looking at a Billboard advertisement of the album featuring that same photo.


The album eventually went on to achieve platinum status (selling more than one million copies).








Humping the bench edit!
[This message was edited Wed Jun 9 12:04:57 2004 by Chico1]

i'm hoping that first piece was sarcasm at its finest. i mean, really...everybody knows that ani difranco is to blame for gay/bi girls.

That is the funniest damned thing I've read in ages!!!!

Now I know why all my ex-girlfriends left me for other women! I never should have let them listen to my Tori CDs!!!

Madonna's Justify My Love video made me bi-curious.

SassyBritches said:

Actually, she's responsible for gay/bi girls who don't shave, and picket the NRA

Let's gather together in prayer...

Dear Lord, please grant these people some common sense and wisdom, cuz they are seriously fucked in the head.

Amen.

This is the stupidiest thing i ever read!

Whats become of Fionna? Was there a 3rd album? She did have quite a nice voice. But the 1st album was a bit overproduced. Never actually heard the 2nd.

lezama said:

Whenever she drops another album I'll be buying it - love the 1st & 2nd albums, she's awesome...

CalhounSq said:

Fiona Apple's new album, Extraordinary Machine, has been shelved by Sony, according to a recent Rolling Stone interview with Jon Brion, her producer. Supposedly, Sony cannot find a single and is unsure how to promote the record. There is no word yet on how long this will take. It may or may not see the light of day at this point.

JediMaster said:

you say "other women" because, of course, you are a (male) lesbian!

now who can i blame for the ex-boyfriend of mine who ran off to arizona with a guy?

Heiress said:

Madonna?