I MUST FRAME THIS ARTICLE!!!


From the LA TIMES April 20, 2004 --

BRITNEY, you are no Pussy Galore.

A recent "Extra" television report revealed that Britney Spears has had the gall to approach Barbara Broccoli, a producer of Bond films, with a view to becoming the next Bond Girl. (Broccoli is working on the 21st installment of the film franchise, slated for a November 2005 release.)

With Spears' brazen request on the table, perhaps it is time for a refresher on what a Bond Girl is - and what she is not.

A new coffee-table book, "Bond Girls Are Forever: The Women of James Bond" by John Cork and former Bond Girl Maryam d'Abo (Kara Milovy in 1987's "The Living Daylights"), breaks down the Bond Girl mystique.

Those who pigeonhole Bond Girls as mere sex objects are guilty of reducing complex female characters to one rather boring dimension, the authors argue. Bond Girls are the quintessential alpha females, melding masculine confidence with feminine manner.

The classic Bond Girl's sex appeal, says Graham Rye, publisher of Britain's 007 Magazine and author of "The James Bond Girls," is "drawn from an air of classy sophistication, partnered with independence, intelligence and toughness and complemented by a face that turns heads - and a great body," he said.

"There isn't a girl next door in the entire lot," Sean Connery once said.



Rye reacted with horror to the idea of Spears as Bond Girl.

"Britney Spears may well be suited to an appearance in a 'Cody Banks' movie swigging from a can of Pepsi, but James Bond? Never! Unless 007 goes undercover as a pimp," he said.

So what are the precise ingredients for a sublime Bond Girl?

A Bond Girl has sex appeal

Her allure stems from her classic beauty - tall, lithesome, elegant. Ursula Andress (Honey Ryder) rose from the sea like a knife-wielding Aphrodite in 1962's "Dr. No." Another "Dr. No" Bond Girl, Sylvia Trench (played by Eunice Gayson), is described in the screenplay as "willowy, exquisitely gowned, with a classic, deceptively cold beauty." Britney is already looking over the hill at 22.

A Bond Girl is exotic

She usually has an accent and speaks at least three languages - her native tongue, English and the language of love. She is from Shanghai, Istanbul, Brussels or Belarus. Britney is from Dadgummit, La.

A Bond Girl is smart

Mollie Peters (Patricia Fearing in 1965's "Thunderball") is an osteopath, Lois Chiles (Dr. Holly Goodhead) is a Vassar-educated astronaut (and secret CIA agent) in 1979's "Moonraker." Britney is, well, let's just say she probably hasn't cracked a Dostoevsky novel since college. Oh, wait . . .

A Bond Girl is powerful

In his novel "Live and Let Die," Ian Fleming describes Solitaire (played by Jane Seymour in the 1973 film) thusly: "Part of the beauty of her face lay in its lack of compromise. It was the face born to command."

Author Camille Paglia describes Pussy Galore as played by Honor Blackman in "Goldfinger" (1964) as "one of the most commanding, authoritative women in popular culture for the time." Granted, Britney once sold a lot of Pepsi. But it's not quite the same.

A Bond Girl is sassy

Sarcasm is one of her sharpest weapons. She uses it to pierce James Bond's ego at every opportunity. Britt Ekland, who plays Hong Kong spy Mary Goodnight in "The Man With the Golden Gun" (1974), chides Bond, "Oh darling, I'm tempted - but killing a few hours as one of your passing fancies isn't quite my scene." Britney has never been known for her devastating repartee.

A Bond Girl keeps her wits about her

So sometimes she is drugged, poisoned, shot or covered with suffocating gold paint, but she can't help that. She would never get drunk in a Vegas club and marry some schlub wearing a baseball cap. Unless she killed him afterward. Which brings us to: a Bond Girl can hold her liquor.

A Bond Girl is sophisticated and classy

She knows how to dress to impress and how to dress to kill; she knows which fork to use and never eats with her mouth open. Bond Girls are daughters of diplomats, royalty and top scientists. Britney thinks a corset and a python make good accessories.

A Bond Girl is talented

She can pistol-whip a criminal mastermind with one hand while whipping up a prize-winning chocolate soufflé with the other while stomping out a fire caused by a mysterious chemical from an Eastern European country. D'Abo's Kara Milovy, for example, is a world-class concert cellist. Britney can, um, what is it she can do, exactly? Shimmy?

A Bond Girl is a man-killer

Literally, of course, but she also gets the richest, the smartest, the most dangerous men in the world. Until she tires of them, or they try to feed her to sharks, or vice versa.

Honey Rider in "Dr. No" describes to Bond killing a rapist: "I put a black widow [spider] under his mosquito net, a female, and they're the worst. It took him a whole week to die . . . Did I do wrong?" Britney couldn't even hold onto Justin Timberlake. Or dispatch him in a suitably creative manner.

Britney, live and let this dream die.

- Los Angeles Times

This is great! Don't know what made Britney think she has what it takes to be a Bond girl. Of course, I'm still trying to figure out what makes her think she has what it takes to be a singer!

But wasn't Denise Richards also a Bond girl?

purplegypsy said:

I'm Vassar educated! I have a degree and everything! does that mean I could be a bond girl? oh wait, the bond people would probably think i look too old at 23.

Apparently Kylie Minogue's in talks to be the next Bond girl. Broccoli and co. humoured Spears for an interview, but that's about it.

JasmineFire said: