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Thread started 12/07/13 4:41pm

CynicKill

Blurred Lines Is the WORST SONG EVER!

You might not agree. Then again you just might. But this sure is funny!

>

'Blurred Lines': The Worst Song of This or Any Other Year

Everything next year will just have to suck a little harder

Robin Thicke performs in New York City.
Mike Coppola/Getty Images for MTV
December 6, 2013 10:45 AM ET

Congratulations, Robin Thicke! "Blurred Lines" is the worst song of this or any other year. I can't remember the last time there was a hit song this ghastly – the sound of Adam Sandler taking a falsetto hate-whizz on Marvin Gaye's grave. I guess the year's not over yet so it's theoretically possible a worse contender could emerge, but I don't see it happening. Let me put it this way: Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey could pay their holiday respects to Lou Reed with a duet medley of "The Black Angel's Death Song"/"O Little Town of Bethlehem" and it would still be a distant second.

The 50 Best Albums of 2013

It was easily the worst summer hit since the 2001 remake of "Lady Marmalade" – the one where somebody said, "Hey, let's redo 'Lady Marmalade' without the cowbell, because it would be a better song that way." But that was a hit for about two weeks, whereas "Blurred Lines" has stuck around forever. It's not just another terrible song. Its historic badness is an achievement that demands respect.

How can one song cram in so many failed decisions per minute? How can this poor guy aspire to be Marvin Gaye with vocal chops better suited to the Fred Durst songbook? How could he look so lost and terrified next to Miley at the VMAs? Didn't anyone tell him how dippy he looks holding a microphone when the other hand's in his pocket? How can Pharrell sound so embarrassed to be there? Nothing embarrasses Pharrell. (The guy spent the summer on the radio comparing his boner to "the rising of the phoenix" and he made even that sound cool.)

Note: I have zero interest in persuading you to agree with me. If you enjoy "Blurred Lines," I wouldn't dream of changing your mind. But I'm still amazed, after all these months of airplay, at my immature and irrational loathing for this song. Understand, it's not simply a reasoned critical perspective, pointing out the obvious flaws in craft and tone. It's more like: I want to hurt this song. I want to wound it emotionally. I would fantasize about punching this song in the nose, if songs had noses. I want this song to cry.

The 100 Best Songs of 2013

Musically, it rips off a beloved soul legend. I refer, of course, to the Nineties boy band Color Me Badd – specifically their 1992 Number One hit "All 4 Love." Which wasn't even the best Color Me Badd song – that would be "I Wanna Sex You Up." What kind of addled mind tries to jack "All 4 Love" instead of "I Wanna Sex You Up"? How dare he defile the Color Me Badd legacy? You're no Color Me Badd, Robin Thicke. You're no Mint Condition or Hi-Five. You're not even Another Bad Creation.

As for Marvin Gaye – nothing wrong with copying genius if you do it right. "Got To Give It Up" creates the illusion of unforced ease, as if Marvin just breezed into a party that was already grooving full blast. But "Blurred Lines" sounds like a guy trying miserably hard to get it right, and therefore getting it wrong. He packs in all these cutesy do-I-make-you-proud details. (Oh, that "hey hey hey.") He sings "good girl" like he's cheering up a depressed shih tzu. He strains his sniffly little screech trying to prove he's worthy. But alas, he's unworthy of George Michael's stubble. Unworthy of Marvin Gaye's non-functional silent E. Unworthy of four-fifths of Robyn's name. As a connoisseur of pop trash, I'm baffled I can't find anything to like about a song this bad. That's part of why I hate it.

Also, in terms of geometry, it's impossible for lines to be blurred because lines are straight by definition. If they get blurred, they're not lines anymore. Then they're "squiggles" or "blotches" or something. This is just math, Robin Thicke!

10 Things You Don't Know About 'Blurred Lines' Model Emily Ratajkowski

I always thought I could never hate a song more than Cat Stevens's "Wild World," and indeed, "Wild World" always sounds every bit as terrible as I remember. "I never want to see you sad, girl / Don't be a bad girl" – that has to be the worst lyric of the pre-Robin Thicke era. The way Cat hums along with the piano solo – that is some virtuoso sucking. But Robin has reached Cat's rarefied level. That's not the kind of sucking you achieve by accident. You have to earn it. And wow, Robin was willing to put in the work.

Greil Marcus wrote a classic Interview column in 1994 about the difference between hating the Stone Temple Pilots and hating the Spin Doctors. For him, hating STP was more fun because he knew he'd keep hating them passionately for years to come. Whereas, he added sadly, "I know I'll forget the Spin Doctors." It's true. Some hatreds stay with you and some don't. I used to think I would hate Vanessa Williams' prom theme "Save the Best for Last" for the rest of my life. But when it dropped off the radio, it dropped out of my heart. Now I hear it every few years and think, "Oh yeah, this one. Damn, I hated this song. 'Sometimes the very thing you're looking for / Is the one thing you can't see' – what does that even mean? Why would you be looking for it if you could see it? But as soon as this song is over, I'm going right back to forgetting it. What happened to us, Vanessa? Where did our hate go?"

So will "Blurred Lines" stand the test of time? Will it go on sucking for years like "Wild World?" Is this feeling an eternal flame? Or will it vanish, like "Save the Best for Last?" Well, in the words of a band who sucked wildly in 1982 and were immediately forgotten, only time will tell. But one thing is for sure. Nothing in 2013 sucked like "Blurred Lines." And this was the year we got a Leonardo DiCaprio remake of The Great Gatsby. Everything next year will just have to suck a little harder.



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Reply #1 posted 12/07/13 4:47pm

Scorp

the great hijacking

anything goes now.....

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Reply #2 posted 12/07/13 4:51pm

SoulAlive

this article is insane lol "Blurred Lines" is one of the few great songs of 2013.There's a reason why it is the year's biggest selling single.

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Reply #3 posted 12/07/13 4:59pm

Scorp

SoulAlive said:

this article is insane lol "Blurred Lines" is one of the few great songs of 2013.There's a reason why it is the year's biggest selling single.

its' essentially Marvin Gaye redux...... lol

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Reply #4 posted 12/07/13 7:51pm

Cinnamon234

avatar

SoulAlive said:

this article is insane lol "Blurred Lines" is one of the few great songs of 2013.There's a reason why it is the year's biggest selling single.

Agreed. Marvin Gaye rip off and all, the song is dope. It was overplayed to death but I love it. Great song.

"And When The Groove Is Dead And Gone, You Know That Love Survives, So We Can Rock Forever" RIP MJ heart

"Baby, that was much too fast"...Goodnight dear sweet Prince. I'll love you always heart
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Reply #5 posted 12/07/13 8:00pm

SuperFurryAnim
al

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Grandmothers have that song as ringtone. Welcome to prince dot org 2013!
What are you outraged about today? CNN has not told you yet?
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Reply #6 posted 12/07/13 8:54pm

Gunsnhalen

There has been worse songs, nastier songs, and songs that blatently stole from others. Blurred Lines is one in a million from those.

Next article blahblah

Pistols sounded like "Fuck off," wheras The Clash sounded like "Fuck Off, but here's why.."- Thedigitialgardener

All music is shit music and no music is real- gunsnhalen

Datdonkeydick- Asherfierce

Gary Hunts Album Isn't That Good- Soulalive
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Reply #7 posted 12/08/13 12:33am

ginusher

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I liked this part:

Musically, it rips off a beloved soul legend. I refer, of course, to the Nineties boy band Color Me Badd – specifically their 1992 Number One hit "All 4 Love." Which wasn't even the best Color Me Badd song – that would be "I Wanna Sex You Up." What kind of addled mind tries to jack "All 4 Love" instead of "I Wanna Sex You Up"? How dare he defile the Color Me Badd legacy? You're no Color Me Badd, Robin Thicke.

I know it's tongue-in-cheek, but it's even funnier when you realize that Thicke pretty much started his public career in music by contributing to CMB's single 'Sexual Capacity' in '96. As for the song itself, I guess I agree with most of you guys: not bad, though very overplayed. This is not the first time that Thicke has taken the roots of another song and took his own spin on it. There have been worse stinkers this year, but 'Blurred Lines' makes for a very easy target.

I don't want your rhythm without your rhyme
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Reply #8 posted 12/08/13 2:07am

SoulAlive

if there were more songs like "Blurred Lines" on the radio these days,I would actually start listening to radio again lol The song is fun,catchy and uptempo.Just like Daft Punk's "Get Lucky"...which is also one of the few great songs of 2013.

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Reply #9 posted 12/08/13 6:42am

Militant

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moderator

I agree with the writer. The song is fucking garbage and I hope to never hear it again.

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Reply #10 posted 12/08/13 9:55am

BlaqueKnight

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biggrin Amusing article.

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Reply #11 posted 12/08/13 10:39am

HatrinaHaterwi
tz

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SoulAlive said:

if there were more songs like "Blurred Lines" on the radio these days,I would actually start listening to radio again lol The song is fun,catchy and uptempo.Just like Daft Punk's "Get Lucky"...which is also one of the few great songs of 2013.

When I want to hear more songs like "Blurred Lines" on the radio these days, I tune into a Motown channel because they play the original...Marvin Gaye's "Got To Give It Up"...regularly. evillol

I knew from the start that I loved you with all my heart.
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Reply #12 posted 12/08/13 11:30am

chocolate1

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I didn't read the article. The title was enough for me. nod

I never liked it from the first time I heard it, and I couldn't understand why there was so much love from people whose musical tastes I usually respect. confuse

I thought it was pretty sad that Jimmy Fallon and the Roots could use TOYS and make the song sound as good as the "masterpiece" original. lol


"Love Hurts.
Your lies, they cut me.
Now your words don't mean a thing.
I don't give a damn if you ever loved me..."

-Cher, "Woman's World"
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Reply #13 posted 12/08/13 11:40am

CynicKill

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Reply #14 posted 12/08/13 1:06pm

HatrinaHaterwi
tz

avatar

CynicKill said:

I so heart this video. It illustrates a very distinct part of the song, quite nicely. lol

I knew from the start that I loved you with all my heart.
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Reply #15 posted 12/08/13 2:20pm

thedoorkeeper

Worse songs than Blurred Lines:

Sugar Sugar by the Archies

Anything song written by Jim Croce

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Reply #16 posted 12/08/13 2:33pm

CynicKill

I'm having a hard time finding a worse song than this:

>

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Reply #17 posted 12/08/13 2:33pm

Timmy84

thedoorkeeper said:

Worse songs than Blurred Lines:

Sugar Sugar by the Archies

Anything song written by Jim Croce

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Reply #18 posted 12/08/13 2:34pm

phunkdaddy

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Not the worst song ever but definitely overrated imo. His current single
is better than this.
Don't laugh at my funk
This funk is a serious joint
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Reply #19 posted 12/08/13 4:14pm

PatrickS77

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Agreed. The song sucks. And I don't understand the big deal all of you make about that pile of shit.

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Reply #20 posted 12/08/13 5:22pm

paisleypark4

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Uh, as far as I know..Make Em Say Ugh was a successful pile of shit. Have people just forgotten that song still exsists??

Straight Jacket Funk Affair
Album plays and love for vinyl records.
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Reply #21 posted 12/08/13 5:32pm

Gunsnhalen

paisleypark4 said:

Uh, as far as I know..Make Em Say Ugh was a successful pile of shit. Have people just forgotten that song still exsists??

I think most people have forgotten Master P lol

Pistols sounded like "Fuck off," wheras The Clash sounded like "Fuck Off, but here's why.."- Thedigitialgardener

All music is shit music and no music is real- gunsnhalen

Datdonkeydick- Asherfierce

Gary Hunts Album Isn't That Good- Soulalive
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Reply #22 posted 12/08/13 8:06pm

728huey

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Gunsnhalen said:

paisleypark4 said:

Uh, as far as I know..Make Em Say Ugh was a successful pile of shit. Have people just forgotten that song still exsists??

I think most people have forgotten Master P lol

People have obviously forgotten about Soulja Boy as well, because he put out some seriously crappy tunes.

ill whofarted typing

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Reply #23 posted 12/09/13 12:24am

SoulAlive

HatrinaHaterwitz said:

CynicKill said:

I so heart this video. It illustrates a very distinct part of the song, quite nicely. lol

yeah,I like what they did to the song lol

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Reply #24 posted 12/09/13 4:46am

BombSquad

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CynicKill said:

Blurred Lines Is the WORST SONG EVER

except for that "Blurred Lines" should be replaced with "The Final Countdown" I fully agreee with this statement

Has anyone tried unplugging the United States and plugging it back in?
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Reply #25 posted 12/09/13 11:11am

PatrickS77

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BombSquad said:

CynicKill said:

Blurred Lines Is the WORST SONG EVER

except for that "Blurred Lines" should be replaced with "The Final Countdown" I fully agreee with this statement

Oh, fuck off. The final countdown is a genius, majestic song, which has lost nothing off it's spark even almost 30 years after the fact.

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Reply #26 posted 12/09/13 5:23pm

alphastreet

Lmaooo final countdown...

Robin Thick had a big disc didn't he? :p
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Reply #27 posted 12/09/13 9:58pm

CynicKill

"Carrie" is much worse.

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Reply #28 posted 12/09/13 11:05pm

BombSquad

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PatrickS77 said:

BombSquad said:

except for that "Blurred Lines" should be replaced with "The Final Countdown" I fully agreee with this statement

Oh, fuck off. The final countdown is a genius, majestic song, which has lost nothing off it's spark even almost 30 years after the fact.

except for that "genius, majestic song" should be replaced with "childish, pretentious, overblown pre-teen garbage kitsch" I fully agreee with this statement





oh well, if you can enjoy it, then hey, more power to you

Has anyone tried unplugging the United States and plugging it back in?
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Reply #29 posted 12/09/13 11:34pm

PatrickS77

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^^Whatever. I've seen that song played at concerts throughout the continent and it gets people going like few other songs. It is proven without a doubt that it is a great song.

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