I'm so sorry aardvark I was having a very bad year and that week was already tough and I was on edge, and when this happened, it was the last straw and the worst but I couldn't even cry and even had opposite reactions at times, kind of manic sometimes thinking it's made me spiritually stronger before falling apart again, realizing I was angry with god and feeling like this world was evil. I think once murray got the guilty verdict, I got some closure though I will never be okay with what happened and how.

I can listen to the music now, but find the music videos and performances challenging at times.

[Edited 5/18/12 19:28pm]

aardvark15 said:

silverchild said:

I definitely understand what you mean. When guys like Michael, Teena, Rick, and Whitney passed, it took me awhile to refocus, as far as their work was concerned. But I've taken their stories (along with other tragic deaths that have occured) as wisdom for my own life. I think the one thing that always pushes me away from sadness and depression is establishing a self-confirmation that they are at a place of higher transcendence. I find that people spend way too much time worrying about the "how" of death, instead of finding the source of positivity that they can take from it. [Edited 5/18/12 18:54pm]

Don't even get me started on Teena what happened to her just makes me mad it really does. Her daughter really should have filed a wrongful death suit against that hotel.

Wasn't it a natural death? What happened with the hotel?

alphastreet said:

aardvark15 said:

Don't even get me started on Teena what happened to her just makes me mad it really does. Her daughter really should have filed a wrongful death suit against that hotel.

Wasn't it a natural death? What happened with the hotel?

About 5 years before she died a painting in a hotel room she was staying at fell on her and caused her to have seizures for the rest of her life. Like a month before she died she suffered a really bad one too.

aardvark15 said:

alphastreet said:

Wasn't it a natural death? What happened with the hotel?

About 5 years before she died a painting in a hotel room she was staying at fell on her and caused her to have seizures for the rest of her life. Like a month before she died she suffered a really bad one too.

Oh yeah, I did hear about that. They should have been sued then. I was very shocked and sad with her death as well. Square Biz is my favourite song of hers, and I put on Wishing on a Star after I heard.

[Edited 5/18/12 19:33pm]

alphastreet said:

Sounds like she escaped death many times, but it caught up to her and at such a young age

but man, I know ya'll are going to tell me to get over it, but michael's hit me the hardest and taught me good and really bad things about myself. I didn't know how angry I could get. My mind even started playing tricks on me and I was getting mad at different people including myself everyday about why this had to happen. It was so unfair to his kids and I resented the fact I had no choice in how I felt though I was trying so hard to control and contain it.

alphastreet said:

Sounds like she escaped death many times, but it caught up to her and at such a young age

but man, I know ya'll are going to tell me to get over it, but michael's hit me the hardest and taught me good and really bad things about myself. I didn't know how angry I could get. My mind even started playing tricks on me and I was getting mad at different people including myself everyday about why this had to happen. It was so unfair to his kids and I resented the fact I had no choice in how I felt though I was trying so hard to control and contain it.

Death play's with peoples' emotions more than anything else there is. Ashame its apart of everyday life, but it is. I still haven't completely gotten over MJ. I still can't listen to Someone In the Dark, oh god tears are starting from just thinking about that song.

aardvark15 said:

alphastreet said:

Sounds like she escaped death many times, but it caught up to her and at such a young age

but man, I know ya'll are going to tell me to get over it, but michael's hit me the hardest and taught me good and really bad things about myself. I didn't know how angry I could get. My mind even started playing tricks on me and I was getting mad at different people including myself everyday about why this had to happen. It was so unfair to his kids and I resented the fact I had no choice in how I felt though I was trying so hard to control and contain it.

Death play's with peoples' emotions more than anything else there is. Ashame its apart of everyday life, but it is. I still haven't completely gotten over MJ. I still can't listen to Someone In the Dark, oh god tears are starting from just thinking about that song.

The slow songs still make me tender too. You're not alone, I haven't touched that song in ages either, I think I cried the last time I tried listening to it in 2009 or 2010. I believe I banned the slow ones for about a year and cried so much the first time I heard Heal The World during the anniversary. I was crying everyday to almost everyday for over a year, maybe 2, but I couldn't feel it in full, I was too, too numb and it didn't feel like it happened.

I will never be over it, but feel I can at least live for myself and enjoy what and who I still have, though I've also learned how strong love can be as an emotion, and that I'm hurt cause I loved too much and am still trying to understand why.

aardvark15 said:

For some strange reason in my gut I have a sick feeling Stevie might die. I know I shouldn't be thinking like this but for some reason it just keeps popping in my mind.

Don't say that!

It makes sense, a lot of legends are getting up there with age and a lot of them never took good care of themselves. About a month after Whitney died I realized it shouldn't have been a surprise, god knows all the hell she put her body through, same with MJ. I think Stevie is safe, he's not exactly a picture of health but I don't see him as the kind who would get reckless with drugs. Now Keith Richards on the other hand, it's a miracle he's lived this long and I always worry about Courtney Love. Lindsey Lohan has been knocking on death's door for years and George Michael wouldn't exactly shock me.

[Edited 5/19/12 7:22am]

RKJCNE said:

I was sad for Whitney and Amy, but was also surprised cause the last I had about them before their deaths, they were on their way back and doing better, and suddenly crashed.

alphastreet said:

alphastreet said:

I was sad for Whitney and Amy, but was also surprised cause the last I had about them before their deaths, they were on their way back and doing better, and suddenly crashed.

Yep, but there is only so much you can put your body through.